A person I loved dearly recently came out as trans and I don't know what to say to him.

submitted by saragini from self.GenderCritical

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[–]Marsupial 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Of course he seems happier now, he's found a fantasy he's allowing himself to get fully engrossed in, denying all reality. He gets to walk around playing a character of extreme stereotypic femininity. That happiness won't last because reality can't be denied forever. The fantasy will get old, he'll get reminded he's a man, he'll get reminded that he can never be the woman he pretends to be, and that's when the dysphoria hits again.

Frankly, I don't think there's anything you can say that he'll be susceptible to. Don't include him in doing things that are "girly". Don't include him in duscussions about anything that has to do with women or feminine topics. Don't feed into his fetish. Enjoy your time alone with your sister. If he's being creepy tell him he's creepy and that what he's doing isn't what women do. And tell him that you won't spend time with him if he's going to make creepy comments slike that. Set boundaries- you don't have to listen to somebody who makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to be part of his fantasy. You don't have to listen to things that make you uncomfortable, you don't have to ignore your own feelings to make somebody else happy.
Imo the person you used to know is gone, or was never who you thought they were in the first place.

[–]DorothyGale 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

"Of course he seems happier now, he's found a fantasy he's allowing himself to get fully engrossed in, denying all reality. He gets to walk around playing a character of extreme stereotypic femininity. That happiness won't last because reality can't be denied forever. The fantasy will get old, he'll get reminded he's a man, he'll get reminded that he can never be the woman he pretends to be, and that's when the dysphoria hits again."

Exactly and what happens then? We have often seen anger and abusive vitriol directed at women at this stage what if the OP, her sister or her mother happen to be in the firing line? This isn't a good situation AT ALL.

[–]Omina_Sentenziosa 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If they don' t want to deal with this shit and are afraid that he goes ballistic on them, the solution is really simple: get him out of their life.

I don' t think all trans people should be cut out of your life, not even the ones who indeed live in genderland if you are willing to put up with them. But if you are worried that someone in your life might attack you for the wrong word you say, you should cut that person out, regardless of anything else. Man, woman, trans, LGB, disabled, it doesn' t matter, if you are scared, you shouldn' t be around them.