She has also said she misses and is used to being with someone who is more masculine, less emotional and anxious. She has made comments over the years about me being small and that it makes her feel like a she's with a child or she thinks that people think im her son.

Eventually the discord between expectations and actualities will take it's toll, as it's already happened here. The denial of reality bred unfaithfulness from the wife, insecurity for the transman and possibly future resentment towards her wife. This is a relationship on quicksand. That would probably not be the case if it was established between the two that she is a woman. Then her wife wouldn't expect her to look like a male(and be subsequently unsatisfied in that regard), something the transman is not capable of achieving.