It's not your job to be his mom. Your job, your only job, is to take care of you. It's one thing to have sympathy and compassion for a friend who's going through a tough time or working though difficult issues, but it's completely a different thing for a lesbian to be involved sexually with someone with a dick and to act as support human for someone who's self destructive and dragging others with them merely because you can't say no.

That's really all this amounts to. You need to practice saying no more often. Practice until it rolls off your tongue without a second's hesitation anytime someone demands that you do something that is really really awful for you. Practice until you just don't give a good god damn. Cos you actually do not need a reason to say no other than, "this doesn't work for me".

"No, this isn't working. No, we can't stay together. No, there isn't any one particular reason. No, I don't want to talk about it right now. I wish you the best, whoops look at the time, gotta run". Then ghost him. His feelings are not your job. Maintaining his emotional equilibrium is not your job. Drying his tears is not your job.

Personally, if it were me, I would not mention his dick because he'd probably have a never ending mantrantrum and sic all his flying monkey friends on you. (look up narcissism and flying monkeys if you don't know what that is). I also wouldn't be sucked into some long drawn out conversation. You do not owe him that, especially if he takes that opportunity to lay on the guilt and gas lighting. Say no, it's been fun but now it's not and it's time to move on.

And then do something nice for yourself, because saying no is hard the first few times and you should treat yourself as a reward for ejecting him from your life. You cannot move forward into the wonderful happy life that you deserve until you stop dragging the dead weight of a relationship that is over.

Happy days are ahead, look forward to that!