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[–]zephyranthes 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe I do, and I'm actually transgender.

You appear to not have a definition of "transgender" that makes sense.

If you take testosterone to grow a beard and have your breasts cut off and/or a sausage installed, you will be "actually transgender" by dint of having engaged in a type of body modification, being a woman who had her body modified to resemble a man's, similarly to how other body modification enthusiasts make their bodies resemble wasps or cats or devils in some aspects.

If you have your sex changed to male in government records (regardless of what it takes in your country), you will be "actually transgender" by dint of being a person who intentionally and legally changed her listed sex to the wrong one.

I haven't been able to talk to a therapist But moreso, I'm just seeking advice to sort of erase this from my brain.

Talk to a therapist. Or better yet, go off social and daily rotation media. Watch movies, read books, take up a creative or outdoors hobby.

If you're considering radical body modification, please understand it's a very expensive (in opportunity costs) and physically, mentally, and socially damaging pursuit. It will also irrevocably damage your dating prospects and drastically narrow your choice of partner regardless of wealth and social status. If you think face tattoos are a bad idea in general, you should not masculinize your body. If you think you may be interested in romantic love and/or children later in life, you should not masculinize your body.

Cis is a slur.