I want to point out that you have experienced sexism. We all have.

Even if you haven’t been told to your face, “You can’t do something because you are a girl”, you’ve seen it in advertisements. You’ve seen it in TV shows and movies. You’ve heard it in music. You’ve witnessed it being directed at other women. And you’ve absorbed it, whether you want to or not, because it is everywhere, literally part and parcel of our culture.

Over half of our minds are subconscious/unconscious. When we do or feel things that we don’t understand, it is almost always because we’ve internalized something and don’t consciously realize it, and that’s where that feeling or action is coming from.

For my entire childhood, I loved to draw. But I only drew women. I never drew men. It never occurred to me as to why; I wasn’t really thinking about it. But I hated talking to men, or even looking at them. It was just an automatic feeling of discomfort; I didn’t address it fully, I just felt it. It wasn’t until years of therapy later that I realized that I did not like to even draw or associate with men because I was afraid of them, due to my fear of my father, who was a terrorizing presence in my childhood. Likewise, I hated my body changing; I felt fear and disgust over it during puberty, particularly menstruation. I felt terrified at the thought of “becoming a woman”, but I didn’t really know why. I just did. I had to work it out as an adult, that I had unconsciously - through cultural influence and observation of my own family - absorbed the idea that womanhood = motherhood, submission, being a “good wife”, which meant taking whatever my husband threw at me (sometimes literally), being used by a man. It meant that I would absolutely have to uphold and obsess over beauty standards for the rest of my life. And I didn’t want to do any of those things, and I felt so trapped in my body. I couldn’t put it all together then, though. All I knew what that I didn’t feel right.