Dealing with him, the terrible boss TiM

submitted by PeakingPeachEater from self.GenderCritical

Hello, been a LONG time lurker of this sub when it was on that other website.

Not sure if this is the place to ask, but have many of you dealt with having an arrogant TiM as a boss? If so...how did you deal with it?

Currently, been dealing with one and have been close to quitting several times, however do not have a backup job yet so hanging in there.

Just to give you an idea of how he's like:

He's doesn't pass AT ALL as woman. The only thing remotely 'feminine' about him is his long hair and love for the colour pink(oh wow, how special. Must DEFINITELY be a woman!). Furthermore, he supposedly considers himself "soft/empathetic" and basically brags all day about his skills and how different/special he is(one of the "cool girl" types...but a man)...

Apart from that, he becomes extremely OFFENDED if he gets called out for not doing his job and becomes really snappy and self indignant. He even became angry with a fellow coworker for mishearing said coworker calling TiM a "man". I was there during the incident and it sounded more like coworker said "Yes ma'am" or was using an expression?(ex. "Aw man!" or "What's up man?") So, that coworker ended uo getting lectured, unsure if taken to HR.

Anyhow, there are fellow coworkers who come to me for assistance because they feel comfortable talking to me, but boss TiM doesn't like it and has made a few rude comments to me in regards to it.

TiM can go from being extremely "sweet" to "passive aggressive" in a moments notice, it's rather...strange.

...Anybody else can relate to dealing with an entitled (boss) TiM?

Also...Pretty much my entire management team comprises of MEN(yes TiM, you too!).

Oh lol and just to add to why I think he's full of BS:

He says he's a "lesbian"(lmfao) and his wife and him NEVER argue, plus, word on the street, he's apparently poly with another GF...I wonder whose idea was that? His, or his wife? Hmm...

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[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Ugh, I would SO try to leave that job as soon as humanly possible if I were you. You don't want him/her to accuse you of hatred/discrimination and have that follow you in your work history.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Currently trying to leave and had a couple of bites but haven't reeled one in yet...if it gets worse, I'll just have to up my side hustle game and freelance...Just worried since I got a little one to care for...and...just some personal stuff going on in my life where I don't have much support.

My other bosses want to make me leave as well. One is lazy(watches videos online or games) and hardly helps. If I ask the "sloth", how do you want XYZ done(for HIS project) he'll just say "get it done" BUT whenever I do it my way, he says "no don't do it like that. Nope. No. Naw." Okay, how do YOU want it done? "Just don't waste time doing it like ABC and get it done."....Okay????

The other is overbearing and used to call me EVERDAY at work just to lecture/scold me...about my work---which is done CORRECTLY but the "professor" tells me he wants to make me "perfect" not just good. Then he LOVES overexplaining things, and talks to me like I'm a kid or an idiot newbie when I know my material.

My other coworkers aren't so good at their job, so the bosses pile on more work to me. It's exhausting. Then the other workers complain I'm not helping with the daily duties they do, despite the fact that my bosses forced put me to do special projects and those special projects have priority.

Then I have TiM, the Sloth, and the Professor telling me how to do things all differently and I get my ass chewed out by the other bosses. TiM is the main boss above the Sloth and the Professor. TiM would scold me sometimes asking "Why did you do that? You know you're not supposed to." I told TiM what the Sloth and the Professor told me and he didn't believe me. So, I sent him a screenshot and he basically goes "that's funny, that screenshot is a week old, I already talked to them about it 3 days ago." Okay, then why in the world are you asking??? You wanted proof that the Sloth and the Professor told contradicting things, so there it is.

[–]Realwoman 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I recommend you this website

https://www.askamanager.org

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks, I'm going to check it out!

[–]TurtleFuzz 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

As someone who used to work in HR, I would suggest just keeping as low a profile as you possibly can. Like Habesnicht correctly said, you don't want any kind of harassment on your professional record.

You mentioned he sometimes makes rude comments to/about you. If you ever get any emails or other written proof of these comments, definitely keep them. If you and another coworker hear him say something sexist, try to see if the coworker will go with you to your own HR dept and file a complaint. Witnesses are always helpful.

Other than that, just be very careful around this guy. It seems like he might be onto you and might try to bait/trap you into saying something that could be misconstrued.

If any current HR professionals want to correct me or add on, please do. I've been out of work for over 3.5 years, once my oldest was born.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hate to sound like a negative nancy but...the management here(including HR) is pretty awful. People are dropping like flies and leaving. If worse comes to worse, I DO have those screenshots. Their rather subtle though vs what he's said to me before.

Ex. One of my supervisors, the "Professor" advised for me NOT to do XYZ and ask permission first from supervisors before doing XYZ as that could create extra work (I was new at the time, so I didn't want to get in trouble). Bascially, doing XYZ means communicating with other dep to solve issue that we were unable to since something is not working on our end(sorry for the vagueness, don't want to give myself away).

Anyways, TiM became a new boss for my department. I went to TiM asking him to review work and see if we needed to do XYZ and basically he says something along the lines of "Are you a child? Why do you need to ask for permission?" Because the Professor requested it?...

Apart from that, all I hear from TiM is "FYI, you can't be doing this or that". Like okay well, why didn't you mention it EARLIER BEFORE I did it??

Idk, I mean I could try going to HR but TiM's bestie works there and he seems to be "well liked" by everyone, so I'll be starting something if I did do it.

[–]TurtleFuzz 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oof, that sounds awful. Do you work for a small company? All the companies I've worked for have been fairly big, international companies. Think 1-2k people at the location I was at. Some state laws don't require companies with less than 50 people to follow all the anti-discrimination laws.

If you think HR will be on the nasty TiM's side, then your best option is to find another job. I'm sure it's tough if you have a LO to take care of, but reach out everywhere. Any friends/old classmates who work at good companies, check every job board, and also try staffing agencies. I found my best job through an agency, as a temp-to-hire.

If you want any help reviewing your resume, I'd be happy to help.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, it's fairly small, I would about 100 or less? That's just a ballpark estimate.

Most likely they will be on his side, unfortunately, sonce he's one of the first people to help build said company. I haven't been here long...I don't really have much friends around, I moved maybe 1k + kilometers away from my support...so I'm here alone with SO, LO and SO's family buuuuuut yeah that's a whole nother story haha. The only friends I have work for this company. I signed up for the Temp Agency(who got me this job) but they keep saying there's no jobs...

I'll private message you resume later, currently at work---doing project---if that's okay.

[–]our_team_is_winning 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

How is a man LARPing as a woman in the workplace not sexual harassment? I don't want to play a role in anyone's fetish. If the boss or any coworker went around the office on all fours going "meow, meow" I would NOT put down a bowl of cat food or go along with there being a LITTER BOX in the office bathroom. We honestly need a law against LARPing in the workplace.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Right? I do not understand why we're still "playing pretend" in the real world. Also, why can't they just...cross-dress without having to claim to be something they're biological NOT? I do not get it. Another interesting thing...Women are forced to wear makeup, high heels, skirts, etc depending on job type but it seems that the trans see it as a fun dress-up game and think it's okay? Personally, I would rather NOT wear those things 24/7 5 days a week as "uniform". I saw a YouTube video about a NB/TiF who got out of wearing the sexist women's uniform by claiming to be a "man" now. So basically, instead of her fighting the system, she went WITH the system. It's messed up.

I like your username by the way. I hope our team is winning, because the TRA movement is delusional.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Women are forced to wear makeup, high heels, skirts, etc depending on job type

Yeah! Remember the airline women who were being forced? I never wear makeup. I hate it. A man's face is naturally acceptable but a woman's isn't? Is that the message? I've done makeup at Halloween or for photos where I thought my eyes looked too washed out, but making it a requirement is not alright. That's wild about that woman saying she's NB to get out of wearing heels and all. Clever woman maybe! Our team IS winning because we're on Team Reality and you can't fool Mother Nature.

[–]Realwoman 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That sounds like a nightmare. I've had terrible bosses in the past (not TIMs) and honestly, the only solution is trying not to contradict them while looking for a new job. Unfortunately, finding a new job right now might be a challenge.

Also keep in mind that there are even worse bosses out there. At least he's not yelling or making you do illegal things. Just collect the stories about him and share your frustration with friends or with us here or on Ovarit. Turn him into your own entertainment.

Btw, I'm curious, does he have children he's fathered as a "lesbian"?

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is a nightmare tbh, I'm getting scolded right now by TiM actually for working on this project---I have two projects actually. I volunteered for one that's not in my department(used to work in that dep) and they've treated me well. The big wigs like what I'm working on with one other collegue(we assembled the thing---just us both).

Then the other one is for OUR department, and I got forced to do it (even though it's supposed to be voluntary) with a crew---but I did 90% or more of the work...then TiM put the "Sloth" supervisor in charge who doesn't help or contribute in any way. He just says "get it done" and says NO to all of my ideas, despite my experience working other project.

Edit: Project #1(for other deparment) has HIGH priority due to the higher ups of the company wanting it done. They don't care much or know about Project#2(my department).

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Document anything and everything. Keep a little note pad and note time of day and date, for anything you see as a disturbance. Every day, on your lunch break, or end of shift, I am not kidding, document anything that is hostile behavior. (This is in case you get the bump before you are ready to leave). Make no assumptions or character assassinations, only lists facts.

And like others stated, hell, so many people are not hiring right now and are only listing positions online because of EEOE standards.

Many have stated they are not going to start hiring again until October, or the new year.

Hang in there, just cover your ass while you can.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hello, I have taken a couple of screenshots of the communication. However...I have heard that someone in leadership from our department had issues as well, but HR was unable to assist(even though one tried) because the MAIN boss above everyone in this company is corrupt and belittles everyone who goes against him. Not sure if maybe I can make a DIFFERENT type of case? They failed to pay me on time for my paycheck a couple of times, which resulted me in late fees for bills and being paid a WEEK later than supposed to. This whole company is corrupt.

[–]MezozoicGay 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

There no more cheating, there is polysexuality now. But only for men!

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The future is sad...I feel bad for his wife. Things just...don't add up. He said that she has autistism or something and that they NEVER had an argument about anything(basically another way to brag about how "special" and "perfect" he is). It seems more like he might be taking advantage.

[–]SameOldBS 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Is he on oestrogen? Listening to something yesterday that pointed out TiMs on hormones can be very emotionally volatile according to where they are on their medication schedule. On top of the usual narcissism, etc. Don't blame you for finding this awful.

But his wife... I can't get my head around why she would stay with him.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do not know---all I know is that he didn't have...THAT surgery due to the fact he has an "accident" child. This guy is a middle age(maybe older) white male...It would make sense if he is(on oestrogen). He can be "sweet" but it's mostly directed to his favourite employees. Like, he'll advocate for mental health and this and that, but the way he goes about it is always "I am in and lead 10 groups about [lgbtq, charity, etc] and I came up with this original idea and that original idea. I also created XYZ system ALL by myself and basically made this company what it is today." He'll say something along those lines though, so even when he says something good, I feel like it loses merit after he continues bragging...

One of his favourite employees happens to be a friend of mine. TiM tells him EVERYTHING. So, even says stuff about me to friend and friend relays it back to me and tells me to "Watch out because boss said ABC. I want to make you aware so you're not caught by surprise"

As for his wife, he mentioned something about her being on the spectrum---I think he said either Aspergers or Autism?

[–]yishengqingwa666 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

JFC, get the Hell outta there.