Feeling lonely about being Gender Critical?

submitted by Kai_Decadence from self.GenderCritical

So I'm a Gender Critical gay man and ever since hitting my peak trans moment thanks to the help of Magdalen Bern's videos in 2017 and I've been gender critical from then on. I still remember coming out as Gender critical and losing most of the few friends I had and lately I've bee very hesitant to even try to make new friends because I fear that they'll just end up leaving when they find out that I don't buy into Trans ideology. I was just wondering if anyone else is going through a similar thing and how you go about making new friends being Gender Critical or if you experienced a massive fallout from old friends when they learned you were GC.

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[–][deleted] 31 insightful - 2 fun31 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I found new acquaintances this week because I said EFF IT, and included things in my dating profile that state: "biological human female" (my pronouns)

"No PIV. It is homophobic and conversion "therapy" to assault lesbians with that. Lesbians like tacos. Double entendre. No woke boarding going on here."

"I am a biological female. I exited a uterus, with a uterus."

I listed a whole bunch of feminist writers in the books I like section, and put Megan Murphy smack dab in the middle of them.

I am not playing the swiping game, I am just viewing intros people send, and messages, and so far, they just keep coming--GC lesbians contacting me.

I listed this in a post on it's own of being chased and stalked (and worse) by a huge number of people, for my stature, by TiMs, to be used as a prop because they get euphoria from someone taller, want to be the little spoon, etc.

I also have this space, and was someone who was following the subreddits that were banned.

However, in real life, I cannot discuss these things that much. I did chum around with a couple of GC women I met in person, but that was through Reddit. They have since left the area I live in.

I do have a couple of gay male friends, who are quite educated. I wanted to discuss, but one has a partner who has a cousin who thinks he is a woman, and they try to help him, so I have bitten my tongue.

I feel your pain.

SO much that an immediate family member of mine says he is a woman. I was disowned by much of my family when I told them I was a lesbian anyways. I tried to make peace with my family member, but they are on disability for mental disorders, but his therapist agrees that he is trans. Sigh.

Needless to say, I have no contact with the majority of my blood relatives, except my lesbian aunts (it runs in the family, heh).

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Oh god I'm so sorry to hear that you went through all that. I'm glad that at the very least you have some blood relatives who didn't abandon you, do your lesbian aunts believe in the trans ideology? And yeah I'm so glad to have found this place after the sub-reddit threads were taken down, I don't feel as alone now in terms of knowing it's not just me who feels this way.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh no, my lesbian aunts do not drink the Koolaid. They are typical lesbians, married, have cats, manage soft ball teams, stuff like that, lol. We have not openly talked about trans stuff, but they are really anti-male, so I make the assumption. ;)

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah okay well I guess that makes sense then lol.

[–]Comatoast 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I didn't realize that gay men had a problem with keeping friends after dismissing trans ideology. I guess that I thought y'all had the upper hand in that scene.

I've made comments about wolves in sheep's clothing years back to friends. That and pro-trans parents using kids-in-transition as social skittles treating them like toy dogs, probablyhaving Munchausen-by-Proxy, etc.. I haven't brought anything up close to recently though.

I think making new friends is hard as shit as everyone gets older. The LGB folks had the groups and gatherings dedicated to that, but if you're anti "T" I guess that's going to road block you. More people will peak in your community soon enough.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

Yep unfortunately gay men who are against Trans ideology get put on the chopping block as well but it's ironic because me being a gay man, a feminine non-conforming one at that, it's the other part of what made it so easy to see why the trans ideology was faulty since part of it relies heavily on social gender norms and that people like me or the butch lesbians, we disrupt the gender norms and show that it's not some innate thing (Men are born feminine, women are born feminine).

And yeah making friends as you get older is definitely hard, I'm one year away from 30 and I really haven't had any friends since high school, just a small online group but the GC stuff is definitely complicating things more. I hope you're right that more people peak hopefully soon.

[–]Comatoast 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I think there's a GC men's group that's on here as well if you're looking for possible male friendship. They got ousted from Reddit as well and took up shop here on saidit. I don't know how active it is, but it's one more option if that's of interest.

[–]jkfinn 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe he means friends in the real world, though.

[–]MezozoicGay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sadly almost no one moved to GCG from redding and it is pretty empty.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks, I'll definitely give it a look. :)

[–]vitunrotta 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hey, stick around here. At least you'll know you're not alone in your way of thinking (a small sliver of comfort, I hope.) You will find people who are like-minded on this platform and hopefully that might make you feel less lonely. In time I'm sure you will also encounter new people in real life who share your thoughts.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah I actually do feel a little less alone after browsing here, it's nice to know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do, that others out there don't buy into the ideology and have a place to congregate after the whole Reddit fiasco. I'd like to hope that I'll find some more people IRL who feel the same. In hindsight I feel like I actually did meet someone at my job who had similar feelings. She was a lesbian who was substuting and we just clicked immediately. We eventually started talking about gay dating vs lesbian dating and when I asked her if she would date a "Transwoman", she declined saying that she was attracted only to women. I didn't go further because I didn't know where she stood with the ideology and I didn't want to make it awkward but I feel like maybe she has some gender critical views if she would say something like that ("only date women"). So that was nice lol.

[–]vitunrotta 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

There you go! She might be really concerned saying anything to anyone about this also. Because you know, the Cancel Guillotine will come for you faster than you can say CIS.

Take your time, don't push it, and if she wants to talk more... Then see if she may be your ally. I've a feeling she already is but is frightened to say any "wrong" opinions out loud. All the best of luck. (I met my best friend in a KIND of similar situation, so I have high hopes it'll happen to you too.)

[–]sallytomato 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I'm anti-idpol and choose to distance myself from people who are into identity politics, this solves most of my problems. Besides this forum, people over at r/stupidpol are GC for the most part. And you definitely wont get kicked out for saying something GC. As far as making friends in real life, foreign-born Americans tend to be GC though they won't use the term because most have never even heard of it; but talk to them about the "girls" winning all the track meets in Connecticut or explain to them what the cotton ceiling is and you'll definitely hear some GC opinions from them. ETA: s/LGBdroptheT is also GC.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I was mostly referring to real life but that's an interesting point about the foreign-born Americans not really agreeing with it. Yeah the sports one is definitely a good hot topic and most sensible people would see how wrong the situation is so there's that. I didn't know that LGBDroptheT set up shop here so I'll be sure to give that a visit.

[–]IridescentAnaconda 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Gender-critical gay guy here.

I feel your pain. However, in general I have trouble relating to LGBT-anything.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah same lol.

[–]MadLass 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I pretty much just dont bring it up in real life and if I do I test the waters a bit. All things I could quickly play off if needed. I think in real life there are more of us that deep down feel some aspects of the TRA is obnoxious and unpalatable but if it hasn't really affected someone personally it literally is just a single quick thought then its back to the regularly scheduled program. Also mob justice has been getting more and more popular even mentioning it in real life could bring your name down by just one twitter tag. Its begun encroaching in more and more past the LGB circles and into mainstream. I think we are just early settlers before this blind acceptance and woke bubble bursts. Its lonely now I know but Im thankful we have these communities.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I'm not vocal about it in my real life as well. Like at my job, we have 2 "Transwomen" who come in as regulars and I just put my views aside and focus on my job. And really, the whole "Trans" thing doesn't really come up all that often anyway so it's easy to avoid the topic though I do plan on talking about it on my YouTube channel and that is what I worry about where if I did meet potential new friends and how they'd react if they stumbled upon one of my videos explaining my GC views.

I think in real life there are more of us that deep down feel some aspects of the TRA is obnoxious and unpalatable but if it hasn't really affected someone personally it literally is just a single quick thought then its back to the regularly scheduled program.

Yeah I think you may be right. Like talk about the situation of "transwomen" dominating in women's sports and most would not agree with that and same with the dating thing as well unless the person is bisexual.

But yeah I'm grateful we have these communities as well, especially after seeing them get gutted out of reddit.

[–]jkfinn 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't know, do whistle-blowers expect anything? Do radicals expect friends? I never set out to have friends, nor do I esp note it when one leaves. There's no real way of knowing why people bow out of our lives, not for certain, but of course we can be quite sure if we're radicals. My guess is that the majority of gc people today are no longer radicals, but liberals. This is a good thing in some ways (more resistors) but not good in others. But if gc is a singular position or a single issue deal then there should be far more persons available to you than if you are a down the line radical. So, maybe that's cause for cheer.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's an interesting perspective. I think you're right that most GC people are not radical but I think it's because we don't buy into this one far out there concept that gets us labeled as such.

[–]jkfinn 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's an interesting perspective. I think you're right that most GC people are not radical but I think it's because we don't buy into this one far out there concept that gets us labeled as such.

Totally agree!!

[–]lunarenergy8 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

100% ... I have a couple friends who I think are on the fence due to a couple posts, but I am too scared to ask for fear of losing them ... one other friend who is definitely GC, but more so due to religious leanings than anything, though still very lucky to connect with her. I've been asked what happened in my life to lead to my GC views, as if only some traumatic event could lead to being GC rather than just plain observation, since according to those ppl what I am seeing is really only some small minority that really doesn't have any impact ... sigh ... When GC Reddit got banned I was devestated - l do not normally drink, but that night I went a little crazy and ended up drunkenly writing a 3000 wordish essay on freedom and speech, cancel culture, and SJWish ... Saidit, Spinster, and now Ovarit have been saving graces and help to quell the loneliness I can feel. So, all this to say you are not alone ... seems more and more people are peaking, or waking up, so hopefully the tide is shifting. Sending you lots of pos vibes !

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I totally understand why you may not want to test the waters with your friends and I think you should do what's best for yourself but hopefully more people will just have enough of this nonsense and see reality. I especially hate when some people think that for someone to be GC, we have to had gone through something traumatic which is not the case all the time, it's just plain observation and noticing how society pushes certain gender norms. And eugh I really hate how some people are with the "small minority" thing. I'm actually dealing with this right now where some guy was asking me why I'm "transphobic" based on the fact that I don't buy into trans ideology and when I got around to showing him the WomenAreHuman and "this Never Happens" facebook group, he just said they don't count because it's just "cherry-picking".

But yes thank goodness that some new sites popped up for people like us, it really does help with the loneliness and sanity haha.