How do you feel about the word "privilege"?

submitted by moody_ape from self.GenderCritical

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[–]Comatoast 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I feel like it's used a lot as an automatic cop-out to shut down any further credibility of an individual. Man, it's weird because I want to argue that blanket statements about any group are bad. When I think about the upper crust of wealth, I can't think of anything but blanket statements and that feels a little bit shitty.

[–]moody_ape[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

This is why I want to have this discussion. When I talk about male privilege, I accept the term without blinking. But when someone talks about my privileges, I get defensive (and so do most people). When I think about it, I think it is not adequate to express what is intended.

[–]Comatoast 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's a strange thing to talk about. Maybe it's selfish, but I immediately think of talks with my family. I would bring up a problem about being overwhelmed, and I'm deeply upset about things with blah. It's then completely dismissed because of well, things could always be worse, stop complaining, be grateful, so on and so forth. I don't know how to approach that. It's like being shamed for having something, and not being allowed to be anything other than completely happy because of it.

For me privilege always has this secondary underlying meaning of "treat". That person got a treat because he's this or that. Well, I don't know about anyone else here, but there's not too many things we get in life for free. Is privilege or this "treat" something that's paid for down the road or even in advance with something else? If we're aware of it, what are you supposed to do with that information afterwards? Is that where intersectionality is supposed to come into play and you just silently tick off the boxes in your head for poverty bingo and see which ones you match before you allow yourself to be heard again? Do I accept silence as my voice in a society that doesn't think that I'm worthy enough on a whole different spectrum now? Is that the payment for privilege?

As far as female privilege goes: I know that on dates in the past I always paid for my own shit to keep from being obligated to anyone. Having a date paid for was at one point (and still is) considered to be some kind of female privilege (obviously dynamics have changed now ya'll, don't rag me on this part). How would it be a privilege though if I'm expected to be an entertaining date at the minimum or put out at the maximum? It's not a privilege then, it's a trade right?

I've rambled and this probably doesn't make sense, but my brain does handstands trying to suss out different information and figure out what's what. The only thing I've figured out is that I don't know shit, ultimately.

[–]moody_ape[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's like being shamed for having something, and not being allowed to be anything other than completely happy because of it.

That's so true and so frustrating! When a friend who has something I don't (like a nice job for example) complains/is depressed about it or about something else they're not happy about, I often catch myself thinking "OMG shut up! You have this thing I wish I had and you're still not happy? FFS, spare me the whining!" and a while later I feel bad because having A also means having to deal with the problems that come with A, and it doesn't cancel other problems like the lack of B or how overwhelming C can be, etc. Sometimes people just need to vent.

How would it be a privilege though if I'm expected to be an entertaining date at the minimum or put out at the maximum? It's not a privilege then, it's a trade right?

Yes! Being treated with kindness because others expect sex (for example) from you isn't a privilege nor a 'treat', it's annoying and objectifying! I want peple to treat me with kindness because they genuinely like me and/or are polite. I think men consider that to be a good thing because most of them would have sex with people they aren't even that interested in because they're desperate to get laid. So if someone is kind to them, that's a bonus. I could be wrong though. I don't know, it's what it seems to me. In general, men and women have different expectations about sex and our culture socializes men to be very sexually active and persue sex as much as they can.

[–]Comatoast 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you for replying to my posts with well thought out and meaningful responses, making an effort to understand what I'm trying to say. It honestly means a lot.

[–]moody_ape[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

you're welcome! thank you for commenting on my post! :)