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[–]Literallyawoman 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Remember what happened to all the millennials who were told they’re “gifted”? because I do. I know a lot of people approaching 30 who can’t function in society because they’re still riding the high from being a 14 year old who was told they’re really smart and special-and then post-college the real world isn’t rewarding them for just existing or being able to meet work deadlines easily. No one is telling them they’re special anymore.

Source: am a millennial who took AP classes with you know, millions of other regular kids because that’s what we were, and watched 90% of my classmates go on to flounder in college and become bitter, dysfunctional adults.

I think similar will happen with the trans kids. Their core value will be tied to being trans and being young trans at that, and a few years down the line they will be floundering even more for meaning and definition when they’re just adults that look off. And no one can give you that, it comes from within, but they’re not given the tools for inner strength, only how to project victimization.

[–]msteacherlady 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I teach AP and it astonishes me not how many regular kids are enrolled (that's fine to a point, stretch goals can be good) but how many of them and their parents expect As. When they don't get them, they behave as if I'm withholding the grades because I'm an asshole, or they pester me about "what more can we do to improve?" after exhausting all previously provided options. I mean, back in college I could have studied microbiology 24 hours a day, went to every study session and lived in the student support center and I probably would have gotten a C+ instead of a C-.

Oh, and everyone's got an anxiety diagnosis now.

I don't know what people expect from life. The day I realized I wasn't spectacularly special and that I could be happy with an average life, was a great moment of freedom. I had a former student who was a consummate athlete, never begged for the As he earned, worked and interned for his career interest and also volunteered. He was a better student than I was at that age. Damn straight he deserved the scholarships he got. Let him go be exceptional. I don't know why some people think they deserve the same when all they do is hang out on the internet, have nerd interests, and can recite pi to the whatever'th place.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Ok.

But.

Some people really are fucking anxious.

My parents (dad in particular) didn’t even want me in college, and made that damned clear every day. He insisted I work to support “my keep” through all of it. Work told me they were more important than school. School told me they were more important than work.

I grew up in a seriously fucked-up household, so I know that has a lot to do with it. When I wasn’t worrying, I was reminded that I should start worrying, soon, because the good things never last and the bad things last forever and if you ever make a SINGLE mistake you will never, ever recover.

As I went through school and worked and looked at the options available to me, it became increasingly evident that no matter what I did, it was highly unlikely I would be able to support myself comfortably anytime soon after graduating. It wasn’t just my major. It was because wages had simply not risen in line with the cost of living and the demands put on our incomes. We now had to pay for car insurance as our public transportation options were being cut back, but we were given no rise in income to cover the extra cost. To see a doctor was $50. To get the prescription from seeing that doctor was $60. My paycheck was $600 every two weeks when I graduated. Me, and everyone I knew, had roommates, usually multiple ones, and shit apartments when we graduated, and it wasn’t fun and romantic like it is on TV. It was scary, we were getting massive utility bills we simply couldn’t pay, and even getting a place to live demanded we pay thousands of dollars in prepaid rent, background checks, and application fees. Our elders, politicians, parents, and Everyone That Knew Better both blamed us for our conundrum and said that it was inevitable in the grand scheme of things.

Don’t be dismissive of anxiety. Parents seem to either coddle their kids or just hate them. Try to feel for the latter.

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The pattern I've noticed is that there's increasingly more students who have anxiety, and I have a strong suspicion a lot of it stems from familial pressure. It's unfair, and often times the pressure on children is unreasonable.

I've got my story too. My parents never directly pressured me because they were far too distracted by the mess they were in when I was a kid. I could have gotten up to any kind of trouble because no one was monitoring me, but I didn't because internally I knew I couldn't afford to screw up lest I end up out on the street and possibly drag my family into further despair. I'm not going to overshare, but adolescence was a very bad time and sometimes I wonder how I got through it. But this didn't entitle me to an 4.0+ GPA.

I'm a bit peeved at the insinuation that I don't feel for struggling students, but rather than recount the books-worth of stories of my mentorship and support of students in trouble, I'll just have to let it go.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I must have misinterpreted you and I’m sorry. I admit I’m a bit prickly about it - I hear too much of people complaining about “What do all these young kids have to be upset about, anyway?” and it kicks off a reaction in me.

Admittedly a lot of it does have to do with self-silencing due to thought policing. Like, on Ovarit a fascinating article was posted about the new censorship and anti-debate of the fake-ass virtue-signaling “new left”, and I wanted to share it because it was spot on. But where? Anywhere I went, I’d be accused of being on the wrong side of things. Because people deserve to be threatened and silenced. They deserve to be put into the thrall of a social credit system of our own making. People would say that to me. If I encourage debate, I must be anti-vaccine, anti-mask, pro-pollution.

That causes a shitton of anxiety. We live in a climate of fear, and that’s what’s intended.

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel you! On top of that, engaging in debate can be so exhausting because people come in with their conversation-stopping platitudes. It's the kind of "debate" my father and uncle engage in when they're harassing each other about their favorite baseball team.

A couple of years ago I had an AP student who actually had an IEP for anxiety, which in my years of teaching, I had only ever seen one time before with a foster youth. This poor young lady. She dodged class frequently, asked for alternative assignments (which I was compelled by her IEP to provide and wasn't really fair to me as I don't have that much time to prepare such assignments), asked for allowances beyond what her IEP said when it came to test taking, and there was a lot of crying. I could only do so much to protect her from other students who didn't want to work with her and complained about her behavior. I wasn't angry or upset with her so much as I was upset that her parent and the counseling team pushed her into AP classes because she expressed an interest in nursing. My previous district had a medical pathway and very few of those kids were AP kids. Like, who's putting the idea in kid's heads that there is only one, very challenging, high-stakes pathway to success?

I also believe that regular public education works fine enough for most people, even if they didn't exactly enjoy it, ha ha, but there are just some students who would do so, so much better in an alternative setting. The girl who I'm talking about had transferred to an alternative program over the winter break, and I really hope she found some peace in her future goals. I personally am wary of charter schools, but there are some good ones with vastly different structures than traditional ed that could really benefit some students. I really wish alt ed and public ed weren't pitted against each other so often.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When you say counselors, do you mean career counselors? Some of those people are just off the wall. I thought it was bad enough when I was in college, but then I browsed through Ask A Manager’s “Bad Advice” section and it was just...holy shit. Telling students to go into fields they were completely unsuited for, telling them “That high-demand field is probably too hard for someone like you. You should probably just get an degree in [throws dart] Business Accounting and whatever”, and then the bizarre “How to get hired” schemes. “Make a website all about yourself with your picture, hobbies, resume, blog, etc. on it and then put it on every application you turn in!” And yes, you feel like they know what they’re talking about, so you feel compelled to do what you’re told, even if every fiber of your being is going “NO NO NO NO NO”.

Not to mention the basic fuckup cancel culture that academia is today. I think it’s actually super-stressful for young women in particular. We have to deal with all the regular stressors we’ve always had, but then the cognitive dissonance of the TRA movement, of being told you’re in a place that values debate and academic freedom above all else, until you think something that someone else decides they don’t like, and thus having to constantly police yourself, your language, your work, the feeling like you’re always vulnerable, yet being watched to make sure you comply.