Men's Health magazine. How to choke a woman. I don't want to live on this planet.

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[–]vitunrotta 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

In all fairness, I do feel irritated at these women as well - however, if you take one quick look at some of the most popular sites for teens/young adult (women), you'll see this kind of sex is now super in. In other words: it is being normalized violently and young people are not really famous for understanding which trends are fun and harmless and which are... well, not.

I am well past my thirties and even I felt a weird tinge of "guilt" (for the lack of a better word) because I did not feel I had any kinks or semi/full-on violent sexual desires. The lovely word "vanilla" is spread around the internet, referring to people (=women) who are not into rough acts in sex, or who simply don't have any kinks. And it's terrible to be vanilla! Nobody wants to be the LAME girl, come on now. So either you admit to yourself and everyone else that you're a lameass timid loser OR you start "liking" these kinds of kinks.

Back in my day (about 20 years ago) the absolute biggest thing was to get rid of your virginity ASAP and it felt like a horrible, terrible thing to still be a virgin e.g. at the ripe old age of 17. I'm sure this phenomenon still exists as well, but now you're supposed to exorcise that nasty evil spirit called "virginity" while being tied into a bed frame and being choked and slapped and spat on. Charming.

Please, let's not hate on these young women who have been brainwashed into thinking this is some kind of new normal (and that past generations have just conveniently noped the fuck out of someone CHOKING you while you're having sex because they were such prudes.) If you start reading about spitting, slapping and choking at a very young age, chances are you WILL start thinking it's normal and even though your mind & body tells you that you do NOT enjoy it, you feel like you have to - otherwise something is wrong with you.

I would point the massive blaming finger at publications that keep spouting this kind of bullshit without ever considering what these kinds of articles do to (especially) young people. And mind you, it is definitely NOT just Men's Health Magazine that does this. "Sex friendly" (=kink loving) articles are churned out en masse by a ton of different sites, some specifically made for women.

[–]Doobeedoo661 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I know you didn’t reply to my post but you raise interesting points, namely peer pressure, brainwashing etc. My issue is, if as a society we keep on blaming all the outward temptations and influences, doesn’t this play right into the notion of infantilisation of women? We must protect and guide women as they’re incapable of making good choices for themselves, that’s my interpretation when we blame everything but individual responsibility.

I’m simply not buying spitting, choking and slapping has become normalised. I’m more inclined to believe these girls and boys have ferocious personality flaws that have been nurtured by neglect and likely substance abuse. It should be instinctive that you fight your way out of these kinds of abuse - not negotiate your limits with your partner. I can’t think of any other species that would surrender to this sort of treatment outside of a cage or laboratory.

We as women have access to so many positive role models now days, willingly subjecting yourself to strangulation, slapping and so on is a personal choice. Let’s not call these women victims, there’s real victims out there that truly have no choice.

[–]slushpilot 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It's one thing to see porn & articles like this as an adult once you've had the chance to grow up and experience some normal relationships. You can roll your eyes and brush it off easily.

It's another thing to see it at 13 or whatever, and see it everywhere before you can put any of it in context with your own experience & realize that it's not actually normal.

You can call it "infantilizing" and talk about personal responsibility, but I'd bet the worst impact of this stuff is actually on children who are just figuring things out. Even if they're not abused or have other problems, girls can be lonely and say they enjoy the things they believe are expected of them.

[–]Doobeedoo661 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I anticipated the prepubescent aspect. This is where parents should step up to the plate, where a lot of the blame should probably be laid. I guess it’s survival of the fittest in the end, cause I can’t see the world changing fast enough to ensure everyone’s safety in which porn is no longer readily available. Everyone gets lonely, but to seek out companionship with abusers is a whole level of defective behaviour way beyond my pay grade.

[–]our_team_is_winning[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Everyone gets lonely, but to seek out companionship with abusers is a whole level of defective behaviour way beyond my pay grade.

Playing devil's advocate: Are there women who make these weird choices? Yes. In the mid 80s I had a male friend who told me about a girl who tried to become his girlfriend. Her sales pitch was to tell him she'd had past men beat her and abuse her, claiming she could take anything he could dish out. He was NOT an abuser and was very disturbed by her offer. He told me about it because it freaked him out. But what had happened to that girl in the past to make her like that? I'd guess a large % of adult women had something bad happen in the past so that now they seek out abuse because it's familiar.

[–]Doobeedoo661 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Speechless.

[–]OrneryStruggle 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

It's disgusting that you're saying something like this on a feminist forum. Preteens very rarely knowingly "seek out" companionship with abusers. You don't know someone is an abuser by looking at them. Jesus what a disgusting thing to say.

[–]crazyangryfemale 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you!! There’s nothing for someone like this on a feminist-based forum.