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[–]Girlwiththeraventat 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

Can I ask what made you decide on divorce?

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Like you I haven’t done it yet but it’s a goal. Honestly was planning to walk out this month( July 2020) but the pandemic and my job situation hasn’t worked out so well. So kind of stuck. I’m probably losing my job end of this month which I’m ok with since I have plenty of savings to tide me over but with no job getting my own apartment might be hard. My husband is a hoarder. Massive hoarder. It affects my mental health and in the end it affected my performance at work. I can’t keep up with his mess. I need to leave for my own health. Unfortunately this pandemic has caused issues with the plan, but I’m still working on it. Sometime in 2017, I just stopped picking up after him, so he kind of half assedly does clean up a bit, if he needs a glass for water and there isn’t a clean glass well sucks to be him I guess so he has been doing dishes. I got myself my own office and I just hide there Instead of deal with him and do mine and my kids laundry. When he doesn’t have any clean clothes, I’m like “ guess you’ll have to wash them”. So he does his own laundry.

I have to deal with my managers abusiveness at work as well on top of the hoarding at home and I’m losing my mind. The reason women are seeing their rights being taken is because we just don’t have the time dealing with work and home. And childless women are too keen to be seen as accommodating to do anything about it.

[–]jet199 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This is why it's so dumb when feminist call women lazy or privileged for having cleaners. You have someone come in to do literally any other type of work and it's not even thought about but with cleaners there's essay after essay excusing or commending them. I even had one GC poster saying "my poor mother had to spend years cleaning up after lazy middle class woman." as though having a job (in a country where you have a choice of many jobs) was a form of oppression. I personally, work in accounts and have to deal with sorting out the receipts of many lazy men and women but don't see anyone trying to make a feminist issue out of those people using my services.

There's some very good arguments that first wave feminism only happened after the rise of the middle classes who could afford cleaners and cooks so the women had free time to concentrate on things like politics (middle income clearly isn't middle class is that instance).

[–]Amareldys 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, you don't see essay after essay about people using landscapers, or plumbers to do small repairs, or restaurants to cook your food, or dry cleaners, or handymen.

[–]Aquadog 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Middle-class women always had some form of domestic help for most of history because it was recognized that it was probably better to have two people get through chores if you wanted time to raise kids (or make clothes, or tend to animals, or have ten minutes to read, etc.). In the last century or so women are now considered "lazy" if they do have someone come in, despite them having new responsibilities that take up their time.

[–]Girlwiththeraventat 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Good on you for making a plan. I really hope it all works out for you. I couldnt handle a hoarder so props to you for even trying to make it work.

I feel you on the work situation too. My workplace is all petty bs office politics. So stupid. But yeah I feel like women are so worn down now men are trying to slip in and take shit away again. All the new laws on abortion seem to prove that. Its depressing.

[–]yishengqingwa666 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wish I could help you get out, that sounds nightmarish.

[–]missdaisycan 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The reason women are seeing their rights being taken is because we just don’t have the time dealing with work and home. And childless women are too keen to be seen as accommodating to do anything about it.

Have you time to elaborate on this? I'm appreciative of your comment, it's enlightening- your life is different from my own.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I think there was an Atlantic article about this. I will add it as an edit once I find it.

The synopsis if it is that the reason why women with kids and their needs are never politically met is because they don’t have time to politically gather and advocate for their needs. Mostly because they are doing double shifts. Younger women who don’t have these problems can pretend that men and women are equal when quite honestly the real inequality comes when women have kids and other care giving duties. It’s easy to say women is an identity when you don’t have dependents or have to deal with the fallout of those decisions. Even in Radfem circles I’ve noticed that women’s needs especially those of working mothers are swept under the rug. It saddens me that Democrats haven’t addressed how this pandemic has affected women and their careers and family obligations and sadly Trump is like the only one even tangentially talking about this. Closing schools has had a huge impact on women’s lives. Not only have Democrat’s not addressed this they are openly mocking women who have kids for wanting schools to start because it’s affecting their ability to provide for their families. They’ve spent more time addressing the needs of a bunch of men with their identity issues than they have for women who are facing evictions or job loss or poverty because of prolonged school closures. Trump doesn’t care or understand it and is probably bringing it up more as a way to get votes, but at least he is acknowledging that this is an issue. I fucking hate the guy but if he is even listening a bit, what choice does one have.

[–]missdaisycan 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for this response. (I had not seen the Atlantic article.)

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Absolutely. This latest trans propaganda on the left makes me a political orphan. There seems to be a news blackout about the domestic violence issues going on with women right now, and abuse of children as well.