Detrans female— Venting, what the f just happened to me?

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[–]Lilith_Fair 43 insightful - 1 fun43 insightful - 0 fun44 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I just want to add a message of support. It saddens me to hear that detrans is ruining your life. Please remember that your life doesn't need to (and shouldn't have to) evolved around whether you're trans or detrans. In fact, the whole gender identity is stupid. You're a whole person. Why define yourself by gender anyway? Gender is not even remotely interesting. Try to move beyond that and explore your other interests or develop skills at something you're good at. Join those communities and meet new people, online or IRL, who share those interests. Leave behind friends who can't accept you and make new ones. Family--that one is hard, and I don't even understand. Do they want you to be someone reliant on hormones for life? As for the person you love, that one is tough too, but it happens sometimes. Even people who are married get divorced. But know that when one path ends, you'd be on a new path. You will be ok. This too shall pass. Your personhood need not be defined by whether you're a man or woman or living the lifestyle set by some ridiculous gender stereotype. You're defined by what you do, what goals you pursue in life for yourself, what you bring to your community, and a whole lot more beyond that.

[–][deleted] 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Please remember that your life doesn't need to (and shouldn't have to) evolved around whether you're trans or detrans. In fact, the whole gender identity is stupid. You're a whole person. Why define yourself by gender anyway?

OP this is key. Modern society is having an identity/personality crisis. For years, we've been latching on to random labels to identify ourselves. For example, I saw a trans guy recently complaining about people who center being trans in their lives. He mentioned how he was trans, but that wasn't his whole personality - it wasn't even the most interesting thing about him. He then listed the rest of his "identity" - father, husband, job, hobby, religion, etc. All roles/jobs/groups predetermined by society or personal interests or corporate intellectual property (those whose identity is a tv show or book series).

One thing that might help you is philosophy. Try to figure out who you really are. You can start with core values (I don't know this writer/am not encouraging anything else on his site; I just googled a list of core values). What is important to you? Who do you want to be? What five things do you want to always consider when making the decisions in your life?

I'll recommend this video series - take it with a grain of salt. As a man, he needs to point out Socrates' wife was a shrew five minutes in, and I personally disagree with him and Schopenhauer a lot on love (he also uncomfortably hits on a woman in that video), but watch and decide if what these philosophers believed ring true to you - or do you disagree. I personally find philosophy to be very helpful in grounding myself when I feel lost, and I just wanted to suggest to you. Good luck, and you really will come out of this stronger - the poster who mentioned the disintegration of the false self is spot on.