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[–]greenish 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

No one taught me to fear men, in fact I was taught to always give them the benefit of the doubt and look for the good in everyone. That is what allowed men to hurt me. I learned to trust my own instincts and be extremely wary of men after I had to find out the hard way.

I agree that we can't live in a terrorized state, because it's extremely draining, depressing, isolating, and sick-making, but I think we need to be aware of the risks that men pose, and the ill-will many of them bear us, in a clear headed way. Otherwise we are going in blindly and naively, and many of us find out for ourselves the way I did, instead of being 'conditioned'.

[–]windrunner 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

we need to be aware of the risks that men pose, and the ill-will many of them bear us, in a clear headed way.

I agree with you. No men have written on their foreheads "I'm going to rape you", "I'm a sexual predator" or "I'm going to kill you" but you don't know for real who's who. We shouldn't live in constant fear of men, but we should be wary. We should know that men like this exist. Pretending to live in a fairy tale world where "women are pushed by patriarchy to be in constant fear but we shouldn't be" when we have many reasons to be afraid or at least wary is just stupid and naïve.

[–]sisterinsomnia 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Learning the analytics of fighting (eg why punch in a certain place or not, how to block a punch, how to compensate for less strength in a fight) can be truly liberating, because it offers a third alternative when attacked (the other two being run or freeze). I don't meant that you would necessarily beat an attacker, but without that knowledge you certainly will not. That's what I mean by liberating: to know all sorts of alternative moves.

We don't teach girls basic self-defense or how to quickly judge the safety of some situation. This should be taught at school to all children, but boys learn a lot of that in play.

[–]MarkTwainiac 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I agree that it's important to teach girls/women physical self-defense techniques and other strategies for staying safe.

But I think we should keep in mind that such methods are not going to be all that useful if/when a woman is facing a man pointing the barrel of gun or brandishing a blade or blowtorch at her. Or dousing her face and eyes in pepper spray, bleach, acid or other caustic substances. Or is intent on killing her by running her over with a bulldozer - which a man accused of rape in India did this week to his young accuser and her mother, killing both women in one fell swoop.

Moreover, even if a male assailant is not brandishing weapons, there are going to be times in many women's lives when fighting back is simply not going to be a wise, realistic or feasible option. As when a woman is heavily pregnant; has an infant/small child - or several - in tow or in her arms; or has developed serious health problems and disabilities that leave her a shadow of her former self with sorely diminished strength, mobility and other physical capabilities.

Similarly, knowing how to fight physically is going to be less and less of a help as a woman goes through the myriad physical changes that typically come with being of advanced age or elderly - such as loss/wasting of muscle, fat and weight gain (or conversely, substantial weight loss), uneasy balance, diminished sight and hearing, brittle bones that break easily, slowed reaction times, etc. And then there are the changes in cognitive abilities - ranging from simple forgetfulness (the so-called senior moments) to full blown dementia - that all too often come with aging too. After all, Alzheimers is a predominantly female disease; more than two-thirds of the five million people in the US with Alzheimers are women.

Imagine for a moment you are eight months pregnant and changing an infant on a changing table in a public loo when a man comes up behind you and starts humping you. Trying to use your self-defense skills in such a situation is going to be difficult, even impossible, because when heavily pregnant like that most women can't move anywhere nearly as quickly as they previously did. Plus, you'll be risking the life of not only yourself, but also the lives of the baby you're changing and the baby you're carrying within.

Also please try to imagine how incredibly vulnerable and defenseless women (and men) become when crippled by diseases such as MS, RA and ALS, or their physical capabilities are severely diminished because of fairly common ailments like COPD, asthma, kidney disease, cancer, immune deficiencies or COVID-19 lung damage.

Finally, let's try to keep in mind all the girls and women who were born with a range of diseases and conditions - ranging from physical ailments like cystic fibrosis to developmental disabilities - for whom learning how to fight back physically against assailants is not really an option. In the US, 90% of girls and women with severe developmental disabilities are victimized by male sexual assault, usually numerous times. And following the rule that all predators abide by - which is to pick on and pick off the weakest members of any herd - males likely to abuse and assault zero in on and go after girls and women with conditions like cystic fibrosis with the same alacrity with which they go after mentally challenged girls and women.

[–]Barber_Acrobatic 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It is the depressing realisation that we are weaker. It's a fact and part of why we're victimised. I actually do a hell of a lot of weight training and powerlifting so I'm stronger than your average woman (seriously for all those who can, do, it really is excellent) but in a fight with your average bloke he'd wipe the floor with me. Plus there is also the truly depressing realisation that you don't always get to choose whether you get fight, flight or freeze. When I was raped I didn't really do anything, which took me a long time to get over as in hindsight I was full of the whole 'I should have done x, y, z'.

[–]Realwoman 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with what you said, but I'd like to add that even strong and fit women can be overpowered by most men.

[–]squintypreyeyes[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Sounds like a way better solution to half these problems is to not have kids.

[–]Realwoman 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh, yeah, what a great solution, just don't have kids!

[–]Realwoman 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It can also be give you a false sense of security

[–]loq453 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Learning martial arts is useful but it doesn't offer an actual alternative. I'm a man and my fighting experience is limited to fights in primary and high school and I doubt there's a woman on this planet who I would lose against no matter what her skill level is. I am 2 meters tall and weight 105 kilograms, the strength difference is so vast that skill cannot make up for it.

Lucia Rijker against Somchai Jaidee, one of the best if not the best woman martial artist in history against a man who's only historical record is this fight, they have the same weight and she still lost.

Women should learn martial arts, but the only truly effective self-defense for a woman is a 9 mm.