I was misgendered today. An older man said 'sorry sir' to me.lets see if you can guess my response.. 1. Screamed about the violence of this comment 2. Cried 3. Went about my day

submitted by Finally from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–]RevengeOfTheCis 40 insightful - 30 fun40 insightful - 29 fun41 insightful - 30 fun -  (1 child)

You can't have been misgendered today. If you were really misgendered, how did you survive to make this post?? HMM??? Words are violence, you know!!!

[–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I like your name :)

[–][deleted] 26 insightful - 4 fun26 insightful - 3 fun27 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Number 3. I've got called sir once in person and twice in text, and I didn't take offense to it.

[–]arc-en-ciel 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I've been called any variation of sir/young man/that guy more times than I can count. I'm tall and dress in a masculine way. I'm honestly more surprised when people realize I'm female than when they think I'm male.

Unfortunately, I'm still awaiting death, since misgendering literally kills people. Just not me yet, apparently.

[–]rosegoldstar 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

watch out. it might hit you final destination style.

[–]ladyreason 21 insightful - 6 fun21 insightful - 5 fun22 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

I'm a freakishly tall woman with broad shoulders and I get misgendered on occasion, especially when I'm wearing winter clothes. I'm going with 4 - giggle and then reassure them it's fine when they actually look at me and then get apologetic. Followed of course by 3.

[–]littlearmouredone 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same here, 5"10 lesbian who dresses masc.

I quite enjoy looking masculine. If I'm out late and feeling nervous I put my hood up and feel safer knowing that I look male from a distance. Pretty messed up when you think about it.

[–]Moirawr 20 insightful - 7 fun20 insightful - 6 fun21 insightful - 7 fun -  (1 child)

Same happened to me yesterday now that I think about it. Older ESL guy kept accidentally calling me sir then correcting himself and saying ma’am. I think he might’ve said sorry and I might’ve said no problem? It was so insignificant I’m already forgetting lol.

[–]materialrealityplz 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Speaking of ESL people, I've read about how confusing this is for them - especially when instead of 'women', women are called 'uterus-havers' or some such thing, in some important medical information docs.

[–]yishengqingwa666 17 insightful - 8 fun17 insightful - 7 fun18 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

I get called "sir" on the daily due to my ex-smoker/yelling bartender voice. I think it's funny.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

My kid has been called "miss" as his hair is on the long side. If anything, he just made a face. Even a child can be misgendered without becoming violent or having a public meltdown.

[–]yamashita 11 insightful - 7 fun11 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

It's like when my friend said my eyes were green. I corrected them, and said they were brown.

Then I went home and tried to kill myself. /s

[–]venecia 10 insightful - 9 fun10 insightful - 8 fun11 insightful - 9 fun -  (1 child)

stomps around punching things in a very unwomanly way

IT'S MA'AM 😭

[–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You forgot the death threats and rape threats

[–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

I am used to this, especially in online games, it is always "show face/ormore or you are a men and I will call you he/his". Like I care what some randoms thinks there.

[–]materialrealityplz 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I mean we should recognize that it's a bit different since we don't have gender dysphoria. But I do think it's a problem they are being taught words are literal violence and the way to [over]react to things, like being 'misgendered'. (I mean also, violence is okay against 'terfs' according to them, and then misgendering is 'literal violence'. Like their ideology has some serious fucking problems)

[–]carmellakimara 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

'Dysphoria' is a misnomer. You can tell an anorexic that they're thin all day long and it'll do nothing to convince them. If a TiM's dysphoria was real, you could call them a man all day long and it would do nothing to convince them that they're not a woman.

[–]rosegoldstar 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’d guess most of the ones that overreact to “misgendering” don’t actually have dysphoria. If they did, I can’t see why they’d want to draw much attention to it. The trenders just have to put on a show.

[–]exhausted 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you are completely disconnected from your body and identify only with the stories your mind creates, it's no wonder words are literal violence. The mental/verbal realms are where these people live.

[–]grixit 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

That's the real "cis" privilege, being immune to the devastating effect of wrong pronouns on living bodies. It's like a superpower.

[–]INeedSomeTime 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There was a day when I could hear a parent and their child chatting behind my back and all I heard was an adult correcting a child that I'm a man not a woman as that child insisted... while I am not a man. The child was right. Did I have a mental breakdown? No. I just found it amusing and even interesting that a child managed to identify me better than an adult.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

I'm gonna go with Number 5. Doxxed him, put ferret poop in his car, staged a protest in front of his workplace, uploaded the protest to YouTube, jumped off a sea cliff in despair, survived because the cliff was a meter high, swam ashore, then joined a transhumanistic UFO cult?

Just kidding. Number 3. 😄

(I get "misgendered" a lot on the phone, I actually find it funny.)

[–]muomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm dying imagining someone jumping off a meter-high cliff in despair and then having to physically swim back to shore from being misgendered lmao

[–]112223sps 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

  1. Went to gamestop and kicked displays while screaming

[–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

You called him sexist, a misogynist and a danger to all women.

[–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Oh and a terf. Can ever forget that one, it’s a part of the package.

[–]Konradosho 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is so hilarious to me. When I was a teenager and I was super skinny/had very short hair, people used to confuse me for a guy so often that I stopped correcting them. It really didn’t matter to me and it did not make me “feel” like I was a man, nor did it make me confused about my biology.

[–]Lyssa 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I managed being calles "Mr." while sporting an almost waist length pony tail. Beat that.

And yes, I went about my day.

[–]Cat13 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Two years ago I had a buzz cut. Got called sir a lot. Or if I’m meeting someone who just said goodbye sir I’m often greeted as sir even now. They always apologize and I always laugh it off. Simple mistake and I know what I am.

[–]PostmodernJukebox 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

i got called sir a handful of times when my hair was its shortest...i wnt about my day but it does hurt my feelings that im apparently so androgynous that short hair makes me look like a man. :(

[–]venecia 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Hey, me too! I learned the hard way that I just don't have a very unambiguously feminine face. And it's a weird rounded square shape that short hair does not flatter at all. The good news is we can stop giving a shit and chose to look however we want. Still women and always will be :)

[–]PostmodernJukebox 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

:)

[–]emissch 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Wait so you didn't punch him in the face for the obvious Nazi that he was? shocking.

[–]critical_of_WR 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Your privilege is being to go about your day with the knowledge that your anatomy makes you a real woman. That's what kills the TIMs deep down. Every time they are correctly read as the men that they are, they are reminded of their mental illness.

[–]Shinjin_Nana 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Number 3!

I get misgendered via email. I'm a freelance artist and quite a few clients seem to just assume I'm male.

[–]AdmiralPangolin 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

  1. none of the above, i'd have went full "it's ma'am" on his uneducated ass.

[–]crodish 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had a couple times where my head was full shaved (as a show of support for children with cancer). I'm pretty flat chested and am not conventionally attractive by female standards. I got called sir and "little boy" a lot lmao and it was always weird to see people's horrified reactions, like chill, I present so fucking masculine, there was no reason for you to assume I was female and I'm not offended since it wasn't done out of spite!

[–]Stand 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol. I have always thought about this as well. I have been "misgendered" twice before working at my former job, and I was too busy to care at all. Hey, if that old guy wants to think I'm a 5'6, fat, dude with hips wider than an elephant's who wears a ponytail, more power to him. I have shit to do.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My ex was pretty butch and was frequently called sir until she would turn around (and they saw her chest). People would be so apologetic but she didn’t care. She would smile and put them at ease and tell them no problem. We would have a chuckle about it later. Common courtesy, not a big deal.

[–]venecia 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And that there is the difference between sex being a fact, and a delusion only upheld through external validation!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A 5-6 yo kid called me a 'boy' once. That was funny.

[–]littlearmouredone 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've been misgendered a few times. I tend to dress masculine but have long hair so the times it's happened has been when I've had my hair in a bun under a baseball cap. Oddly most of those times were being called "son" by tram conductors

I find it hilarious. I respond normally but raise my voice an octave so they know I'm female, and then revel in their embarrassment.

If someone thinks I'm a bloke it doesn't bother me because I know I'm not. So why do NB/trans people get so upset. Do they not believe in their identities?

edit, caps not gaps

[–]AuntiePenguin 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If I counted the number of times that I got called "son" or "sir," I'd have some spending cash. Once when my spouse and I were out to dinner at a place that had prices based on age (kids prices, senior prices, and so on), the server asked my spouse how old his son was (in reference to me). We thought it was pretty funny.

[–]muomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, the VIOLENCE. I hope you were able to get your much-needed bed in the ICU with this whole pandemic thing going on because getting misgendered is not only emotionally traumatic, but PHYSICALLY traumatic as well. /s

In all seriousness though, I'm assuming you did #3. My friend's boyfriend used to have hair almost down to his tailbone and he wore it down a lot. He lost count of the number of times he was called ma'am if people only saw him from behind. He was so unbothered by it, he kept his hair long for years despite the recurring "violence."