How do you deal with being disappointed in role models who turn out to be TRAs?

submitted by UserNameJoeIsTaken from self.GenderCritical

One of my favorite Youtubers just came out with a video against J.K. Rowling and I know it sounds silly, but I'm heartbroken. She's a woman, a smart woman, one whose video analyses I greatly enjoyed and rewatched many times. She'd even taken on the topic of sexism in many of her videos, in ways I found clever, refreshing and reassuring. And now... She's posting a video snarkily arguing with, well, I don't know whose points she thinks she's arguing against, but it's definitely not what J.K. Rowling said. She's being so rudely dismissive to her, and every other word out of her mouth is wokegurl, handmaiden-ish BS. I know I don't know her personally; I know I shouldn't care so much what a Youtuber has to say; and truthfully, there have been moments lately when she just sounded bratty and a little immature to me, but... I genuinely, really liked her. And I can't help thinking - if even smart people, smart women, like her, are going along with this insanity... Is there much hope to turn this around, really? I'm sorry for ranting for so long; I just needed to vent - and also wanted to ask if any of you have had this happen, and how you dealt with it. PS. I unfollowed her channel and left a lengthy [but as well-written as I could manage] comment under the video... It'll probably just get buried under a ton of "You go grrrl!"s, but I had to at least say something.

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[–]Lady_Montgomery 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I assume anyone famous is an outspoken TRA just safe their own careers. Unless they proof me otherwise really. Then again I’m not very invested in famous people. Irl people I have an easy time with ignoring should they be libfems/tra.

[–]Yayme 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

When I think of a role model, I think of someone who inspires me to be better than what I am now in a specific part of my life. A fitness role model, and good human being role model, a business role model, a parenting role model.

It's pretty unlikely any one person can fill all these shoes, (except Whitney Houston, because she's every woman). And I think if you find yourself agreeing with literally everything someone, or even a political party, believes on every single topic, then your probably not thinking critically about everything they say.

So, I personally would try not to be too disappointed if I were you.

[–]UserNameJoeIsTaken[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's a great perspective! I do think it's true that if you agree with someone on absolutely everything, you're either not thinking critically about it, or maybe just don't know that much about them yet. Thank you! :)

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yep. I used to enjoy the Queer Eye reboot, until 3/5 of them came out with "TWAW"-type Twitter posts in response to JKR. Which in retrospect just feels like more gay men abandoning any semblance of former allyship, so . . .

[–]radstagdoe 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Which 3 Of 5?

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Last I checked, JVN, Antoni, and Tan, all via Twitter or IG. I stopped watching the show and haven't seen what any of them have been saying (if anything) regarding JKR since.

Frankly, I feel like "Pride" this year has been more about "Burn the Witch" and all of her minions. WTF happened to allyship?

[–]Moirawr 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Performative wokeness gets you clicks and money. There was an article the other day where a real estate company was going to change their usage of “master bedroom” to avoid the master/slave connotation. Something absolutely no one asked for or cared about. But now there’s an article about them and people are talking about it. If anyone is relying on a social media platform for revenue, I would not trust a word they say to be genuine. Couple years back when the bathroom narrative was stronger, a bunch of female celebrities came out saying they would be totally cool peeing next to men. It was disappointing, but it would’ve ruined their career to say otherwise, and if they’re silent they don’t get free exposure. It’s a shame though, since people who form their opinions based on celebrity opinions are bound to agree without thinking.

Internalized misogyny and cults affect even the smartest people. Hopefully she will be smart enough to wake up.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Like the other commenter said, "role model" is a bit of a tall order. My role models are all fictional and absolutely inadvisable to emulate in real life.

But yes. It's disappointing to see the otherwise from all appearances reasonable people rendered voice-puppets for the TRAs the instant transgenderism is touched upon. It's like a switch is flipped, and stars forbid you question their position. It's not just a religion, it's a powerful cult.

I am especially boggled by the gay and lesbian celebs who support this. Why?? Why, when trans ideology is in direct opposition to their own hard-won scraps of recognition?

I assume you refer to Lindsay (sp?) from YouTube? That video is cringe-worthy. She is trying to talk of media analysis and broader subjects, but every time she mentions JK and JK's supposed thought crimes, she just goes giggly and patronising. She never addresses a single instance of what she finds "hateful" and "harmful" in JK's words; she just takes it as given: JK is a monster, here's a video about trying to reconcile a monstrous creator with your love for the creation. Haha, we don't need to get into the nature of JK's wicked depravity: that one's a given.

Woops, sorry for the rant! :)

[–]Capitan 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Stopped following Hozier on Spotify and removed all his music from my playlists. Thankfully I wasn’t that big of a fan, so it didn’t sting that much. I should have known he had no mind of his own though, considering he does nothing but run around in circles in his interviews in case he hurts anyone’s feelings. Super evasive.

Heard a rumour as well that FJM also had made some kind of comment but haven’t found anything.

There was a list on the original subreddit about companies/musicians/public figures who had like parrots repeated the “trans women are women” mantra...We should have one here as well.

[–]nerio 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm used to it by now. All of my role models pretty much came out at the same time with this "unfollow me and don't listen to my work if your a terf". They're sell outs. I was a fool to have role models like that.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A role model is just a psychological tool to better yourself. Just take what's good.

[–]theachan 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Doesn't this say something?

[–]ekitten 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah one of my fave HP fanfic writers (ObsidianPen) got asked about the JKR stuff on their Tumblr and they were against her. I found that disappointing but not really surprising, but it then got worse. IIRC, some anon tried to explain that JKR was pointing out sexism and ObsidianPen responded by writing a short AU where they gave the anons words to Umbridge – except they never even referred to the character by name as Umbridge, just an "extremely ugly, toad-like woman". I messaged them at that point to call out their misogyny, how it was like anti-suffragette propaganda, but of course they didn't post my comment. ObsidianPen made a point in their replies to let everyone know they supported trans people but when sexism and homophobia were brought up they made no such assurances of support for women or gay people. It's really left a bad taste in my mouth; I tried reading a new chapter of one of their fics since then but they just make me uncomfortable now.