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[–]Diversity_Racket 26 insightful - 2 fun26 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Way to go! The realization that your values are fundamentally different from your friends can be really devastating...personally it sent me into a grieving process. So good for you for putting yourself out there. In the long term, losing a few friends doesn't even compare to how good it feels to live authentically. It might take a while to find those likeminded people again, but it's worth it.

[–]PostmodernJukebox 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

when i dropped out of college and fell out of hyperwoke spaces i lost a lot of my old friends and it nearly killed me. ive been very depressed since and have done htings i should never have let myself be subjected to. it's so hard to rebuild (or build for the first time) your life when you cant talk about who you are anywhere. too conservative for liberal spaces but too liberal for everywhere else...ugh. it sucks big time.

[–]Diversity_Racket 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That really sucks. I feel for you. As the other commenter noted, I also wonder if it has to do with the circles you move in. I'm 30 now and my friend group (albeit small) looks so different than what it did just 2 years ago. I'm way more picky with the company I keep - and way more outspoken from the outset so I know where the other person stands right away. There are so many people who do agree with you but it feels like it takes so much longer to find them than other social groups. If you haven't done so, you could try looking up radfem groups in your area. Also, of course, we are here online for you, too. You're always welcome to vent. A tiny silver lining: at least you're not subjected to be in those hyperwoke spaces anymore. :)

[–]PostmodernJukebox 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

you know it's funny, i very recently had someone attack me out of nowhere and my aunt told me i should allow myself to be more selective with who i accept as a friend. it can be difficult to tell who is worth my time and energy. after growing apart from my last set of friends (in which i was the only girl 90% of the time...y i k e s) i've been meaning to find people i can communicate and bond with that i'm not afraid to be myself around. i'm always censoring how i feel and making myself smaller for other peoples benefit, just once id love to not have to do that.

:) oh totally! better to laugh with the "sinners" than cry with the "saints" right?