Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. For the first time (perhaps ever?) I think I can quite sincerely say "I know how that feels." Your story reminds me a lot of my older sister's story. I myself am the youngest in our family and in many ways had it easier growing up - probably because by the time I was a teenager, my depressed mother (with other mental issues) didn't have the energy nor the interest to care too much what sinful things I was doing, heh. Nevertheless all of us kids (5 in total) suffered one way or another. I guess my eldest brother is the only one who felt like he was wanted and has had a pretty unproblematic life.

My parents are members of lestadianism (very small movement within the Christian church - like a sect). Recently a part of this group officially "departed" from the church entirely as it was too open-minded in their opinion. So yeah, now that part is kind of like a cult.

In my case it was my mother who was the "head" of the household, and let me tell you... Crazy religious AND mentally ill is a pretty fucked up combo. Also, being a woman and religious like that pretty much makes you a woman-hating woman. In order to survive mentally (and not thrive, literally just survive) you kind of have to internalize all that misogyny.

My father was quite absent but used to be the more liberal one. I enjoyed spending time with him in my early teens. We'd play Tomb Raider together, and I even watched some Queer Eye with him. Lo and behold, he has since had a massive change of heart. By that I mean a literal heart attack first - which I think made him question his beliefs and turned him into an ultra conservative religious nutter (sorry if that sounds insensitive but alas... it's true).

I guess seeing feminism turn into a very cult-like movement almost made me peak out of feminism entirely at some point. Their shaming and cancelling, their lingo, their general shit attitude towards anyone who dared to disagree even in the slightest... Libfems definitely feel like a religious cult nowarays. I was not aware there were other people like me, who questioned things and refused to just blindly accept everything. I certainly have a strong aversion towards this kind of "sheeple" behaviour - thanks to my religious upbringing and dysfunctional family. I simply cannot stand people who demand you to just shut up and swallow all the shit. I'm seeing SO MUCH of that in this gender ideology specifically. It makes my blood boil. Old memories come rushing back.

So, in a way - oddly enough - my horrible experiences in a misogynist religious sect have allowed me to see things more clearly and not shy away from criticizing things that seem odd or wrong.