AgainstHateSubs basically admitting they had to get GC banned because it was peaking too many people.

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[–]vitunrotta 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Agree wholeheartedly. I am super glad to see a sister from another badly-indoctrinated-mister here. We are together now! Would love to hear more about your story, PM if you like. If not, that is also very okay because I am not here to impose myself on anyone. :)

[–]CaliforniGinger 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Sure, I'm quite open about it!

Parents were in ministry so "Extra Christian." Started homeschooling us for reasons like better education, not wanting us to be bullied, etc. Sucked into quiverfull ideology over time, though not quite to the extent others were - we never went dresses only, for example. Both parents are on the autism spectrum, and my dad also has BPD, so that both harmed and helped our development. One younger brother was allowed to dress up in my sister's play bridal outfit, paint his nails, etc., and there was no thought of punishing him for it. (He did turn out to be gay, but they didn't realize they should be "suspicious" of feminine behavior, and encouraged my other brothers to feel free in the same way, they just didn't want to as much).

Both sets of grandparents were old fashioned fundies of the "card games are evil" and "painted nails are slutty" type, so my parents were being very progressive in their own way.

There was a LOT of damaging purity teaching in our household and all our books/media was strongly censored. However, as the rebel in the family I snuck quite a lot of smutty books and believe that was a huge factor in me turning out better balanced than the rest of my siblings.

My father was emotionally abusive to everyone, but I was the scapegoat so got the worst of it. My teen years were a nightmare of nitpicking and scolding and heart racing whenever he was around. Interestingly, when studying dysfunctional families it turns that scapegoat is the best family "role" for getting out of the dysfunction. I have always been extremely ambitious and motivated and the culture tried to stifle me. I was the first to seriously question stuff in my family but a sister followed pretty soon after. For a while we thought about just hiding our true beliefs the rest of our lives - that's how powerful the enmeshment was - but then decided to come out as atheists. I did lose close friends from it, but my family responded better than I expected.

10+ years on, most of my siblings are atheist/agnostic, only one still is a conservative Christian, my parents have changed a lot and my mom while still a Christian is not what I'd call cultic anymore. My father is not really in his right mind and sadly I don't think he ever will be. He should never have been forced to be a "family patriarch," that was all wrong for a fragile abused person with BPD. Everyone in the family is in various degrees of recovery from religious trauma and when I compare where we used to be to where we are now, I'm so happy at how much we are thriving.

I think the hardest part was facing the truth, after that it was almost a piece of cake to learn that I deserve to be happy and to chase what I want, and to work to learn basic social things. I was terrible at attracting men beforehand which I thought meant I was ugly, but turned out it was social anxiety and lack of skills, not being ugly; I learned a lot as I started dating a bunch, fell in love and had a dreadful breakup, then abruptly met my now husband. We have been REALLY good for each other and ignoring the state of the world (haha as if) we're annoyingly happy. So that's my story! Feel free to share yours!

[–]vitunrotta 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. For the first time (perhaps ever?) I think I can quite sincerely say "I know how that feels." Your story reminds me a lot of my older sister's story. I myself am the youngest in our family and in many ways had it easier growing up - probably because by the time I was a teenager, my depressed mother (with other mental issues) didn't have the energy nor the interest to care too much what sinful things I was doing, heh. Nevertheless all of us kids (5 in total) suffered one way or another. I guess my eldest brother is the only one who felt like he was wanted and has had a pretty unproblematic life.

My parents are members of lestadianism (very small movement within the Christian church - like a sect). Recently a part of this group officially "departed" from the church entirely as it was too open-minded in their opinion. So yeah, now that part is kind of like a cult.

In my case it was my mother who was the "head" of the household, and let me tell you... Crazy religious AND mentally ill is a pretty fucked up combo. Also, being a woman and religious like that pretty much makes you a woman-hating woman. In order to survive mentally (and not thrive, literally just survive) you kind of have to internalize all that misogyny.

My father was quite absent but used to be the more liberal one. I enjoyed spending time with him in my early teens. We'd play Tomb Raider together, and I even watched some Queer Eye with him. Lo and behold, he has since had a massive change of heart. By that I mean a literal heart attack first - which I think made him question his beliefs and turned him into an ultra conservative religious nutter (sorry if that sounds insensitive but alas... it's true).

I guess seeing feminism turn into a very cult-like movement almost made me peak out of feminism entirely at some point. Their shaming and cancelling, their lingo, their general shit attitude towards anyone who dared to disagree even in the slightest... Libfems definitely feel like a religious cult nowarays. I was not aware there were other people like me, who questioned things and refused to just blindly accept everything. I certainly have a strong aversion towards this kind of "sheeple" behaviour - thanks to my religious upbringing and dysfunctional family. I simply cannot stand people who demand you to just shut up and swallow all the shit. I'm seeing SO MUCH of that in this gender ideology specifically. It makes my blood boil. Old memories come rushing back.

So, in a way - oddly enough - my horrible experiences in a misogynist religious sect have allowed me to see things more clearly and not shy away from criticizing things that seem odd or wrong.

[–]CaliforniGinger 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow, I looked it up and that definitely is a high demand religion to grow up in! There's a kind of weird pride in surviving that and coming out the other side, isn't there?

Sadly, heart attacks and heart procedures almost always result in personality changes and I've noticed from the ones I observe it usually makes them super conservative and even hateful. I've seen it happen multiple times and it's even been studied. At least in that sense he doesn't deserve 100% blame, as it is a physiological thing happening to his body and brain, but still...

Libfems definitely feel like a religious cult nowadays. I was not aware there were other people like me, who questioned things and refused to just blindly accept everything.

Yeah, those people are few and far between in this world, especially now. Christopher Hitchens was still a live when I was questioning my religion and I LOVED watching him debate, it was so refreshing to see someone cheerfully interact with all different kinds of people and give the strongest possible argument for his side without strawmanning (much) the other side.

I think a lot of people become more vulnerable to cults after being in one, but some of us become way less so. Sounds like neither of us wants to ever be stuck like that again!