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[–]DorothyGale 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I sympathize and you are in no way a bad person. I recall having a screaming row about this with my partner a few years back (around 2014/15) ending with him leaving the house and me crying having been called a bigot etc. It took a few days to recover from and some organisation of research by me to show him what I meant. Years later he sees it all. We are gen x though (just to give you an age idea) and this wokethink isn't necessarily as ingrained in our friends etc. I don't know if this is just the initial knee jerk reaction from your boyfriend and whether he is capable of seeing your point of view eventually but I can honestly say it would have ended my relationship if we weren't at an understanding stage now. It's too fundamentally important to my feminism (partner always knew I had strong thoughts in that area) and we have kids! I couldn't be submissive or submit my opinion to his on this, even to keep the peace. Give it time, try to explain in a more organised way (visuals helped oh and stats, my partner does love numbers :) ) and take it from there. If he thinks silencing women en masse is ok, is he someone you want to spend your life with? This is a question you should be asking yourself now. But give him a chance first, even a few chances the peak isn't always reached instantly for people but if anyone really thinks about it (and I do mean employing critical thinking) it usually ends with more questions and in turn seeking more answers - that's the key, just the facts.

[–]sosorreal[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

thanks for this. I got him to agree that if I wrote an essay about this, he would read it. I agree that facts are important, it's the whole basis for my "belief". He is sweet in ways and tries, so I'm hesitant to completely write him off, but long term I do think this is too important to overlook.

[–]badMADam 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

He is sweet in ways and tries

Really? Why is it then, the moment he would truly need to show he respects you, he fails so miserably in doing so? Acting sweet and all that is easy, but it is through actions like this that he shows how he truly respects you as a person with their own thoughts. Or does he truly think you are an awful bigot or you are not as intellectual capable as he is and therefore you can't evaluate the things going on in a way he could and so he just doesn't need to believe you?

[–]sosorreal[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah, I've wondered this and I did tell him that I am fully capable of thinking for myself and coming to a different conclusion than him, and in fact in my initial research I did try to agree with him. But I just don't, and it doesn't mean I'm hateful or a bigot or transphobic or anything like that. I don't know what he thinks anymore, we just agreed to not talk about it at all but that he would read an essay if I wrote one (which I am pretty sure I will do because this is really important to me). I think that if he still wouldn't change his mind, that it would be over because I don't want to have kids with someone who believes the current trans rhetoric.

[–]badMADam 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It is crazy that you would need to put in so much effort (writing a fucking essay so he doesn't need to do anything by himself?) instead of just being able to give him your points and him either thinking them through on his own like a grown up, or doing some extra research if he really wants to refute your points or if he is sceptica. Actually it is okay to be sceptical of an opinion from a person you respect, but how would you react in this case? Go doing some research if the topic is important to you and then discuss it with your partner maybe or resort to name- calling. But hey, at least he agreed to read an essay you made about it. I am curious how he would react to the essay. But thb even if he finally saw your points I would then leave this person, as I wouldn't see it as my job to "educate" any person with so much effort on anything important to me because they refuse a normal discussion.

I mean writing an essay for yourself is great, but lol at his "generosity" that he might read it, how very courteous of his highness?

[–]sosorreal[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, all good points! I don't know, he just said that he WOULD NOT change his opinion that transwomen are women, and he thinks I'm trying to "convert" him, but it's just... I don't understand why he can't see what is obvious truth?!

[–]DorothyGale 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Let me know if you need any help finding things - or let us all know. I'll help where I can finding resources for you - tackle it point by point, prisons, sports, language obfuscation and so on. Good Luck - and we are here to help you in this.