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[–]AutogynePhil 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

My peak trans story is incredibly embarassing, but it almost killed me and I feel as though it needs to be told to help lift the veil of this absurd ideology. I am a man. I was born with a penis. I also got exposed to incredibly degenerate, kinky porn at a very young age on 4chan, including trap porn, which initially interested me only in terms of being attracted to traps, but I slowly began to realize that I was finding myself imagining being the girl more and more. This fetish escalated to me stealing my step mothers panties and bras and buying a wig from party city and, while underage, at the encouragement of users online, I started dressing up like a girl and posting lewd photographs of myself online. I got far more positive feedback pretending to be a girl than I ever did as a boy, and with all the mental issues that come with being 16-17, it became something of a refuge for me. I didn't like myself, but girl me was cute and got tons of attention, so obviously that must be the better version of me, right? Besides it was totally harmless, just cross dressing, right?
I spent years loving the idea of myself as a girl, I mean why wouldn't I? Particularly with growing support for trans people, and less love for bi people than ever, I could finally be part of a group where people would want to raise me up and support me rather than put me down for being male (ironically while dressing up in girls clothes, I was drinking a lot of Redpill koolaide at the same time. I believe these are absolutely linked to my aforementioned self hate)
My Peak Trans moment was realizing that the only parts of being a girl I liked were deeply rooted in horribly misogynistic beliefs. I loved womanhood because I am submissive, and I subconsciously and problematically perceived femininity to be a titillating way to express my inferiority. I wanted to be a woman because Reddit, 4chan, and The Red Pill were all telling me how being a girl is life on easy mode, and you can just be paid for being cute, and you get to wear frilly dresses and do whatever you want without fear of judgement. To my young, troubled self that siren song seemed like such a free escape from the loneliness and confusion I was struggling with at the time. So I had this perfect storm perception of woman hood A) being the easy route in life and B) I had been conditioning myself like one of pavlovs dogs, only getting off to tranny and "sissy" porn. I was miserable. I was convinced I was in the wrong body and started developing weight based dysmorphia, and even at one point tried to go on hormones (thank god I didn't.)
Ironically, since I live in a pretty liberal area, the girls I've dated have always been incredibly supportive of me as a "genderqueer" and some have even encouraged me to transition despite only ever having any interest in girls clothes when incredibly horny or depressed (or both) and would dress me up and things like that, then give me tons of positive affirmation, digging the idea deeper in my head. Between that and this societal shift towards pretending trans women are exactly the same as biological women, female superiority, trans superiority, and frankly very real cis-hate out there, I was effectively being groomed from a mild kink for liking womens underwear into fully transitioning into life as a woman.
I actually got so far as setting up the Gofundme. My GF at the time was a bi-radfem and also fetishized the idea of my transitioning. She was turned on by the idea of me giving up my manhood and therefor actively encouraged me, so I made plans. I was gonna take a year off from work and live with her, try to transition out of the public eye. I was gonna get on estrogen and top surgery then save up for bottom. Luckily I realized (due to far more than just the trans grooming) that she was manipulative and not healthy for me and I got out of the relationship before taking any further steps towards transitioning. I found GenderCritical 2 years ago and HATED it. I actually spent several months trolling it till I got banned and gave up, but I never unsubscribed and kept seeing the headlines pop up, slowly chinking away at my cognitive dissonance. I started to think about what exactly about being a woman was appealing to me, and realized that those ideas of submission and passivity go directly against my beliefs as someone who tries their hardest to be a good feminist despite many years of ignorance.
If you were to believe porn, most trans women are these gorgeous hairless 5'4 pixies who are barely distinguishable from women if not their cocks. In real life, as I collected more and more friends in the trans community, I realized that the majority looked a lot more like me, male looking, male acting for the most part, only into feminity when horny, fully convinced they were stuck in the wrong body because of porn and the internet warping their perception. It just felt so toxic when I realized we were all feeding each others delusions and then going out and demanding others respect it as well.
I am so glad that I've accepted my actual biological gender. I've stopped shaving my legs and chest, I'm no longer dressing up or watching trans porn, and it's only helped bolster my once shaky confidence. Now that I am owning who I actually am, I am able to build up from there, rather than running to some identity I perceive as being "easy mode."

I am so sorry both for any damage I might have done back in the day as well as how fucking long and ranty this post is. I just need to get it out there because I KNOW there are many many many like me who have simply fallen for a lie that the internet is selling them that they will be happier as women, and that any issues they have in their life stem not from unnadressed issues but being in the wrong body. Those ideas actively caused my mental health harm and almost sent me down a path that would have likely ended in suicide.
We need to save children from the scourge of trans grooming.

TL;DR: Peak Trans for me was realizing how sexist and delusional it was to want to live as a woman to be more "naturally submissive" and desirable.

[–]MezozoicGay 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

perception of woman hood A) being the easy route in life

Oh. So seems this idea came to TiM's I know from 4chan and other similar far right resources. No wonder those people ways and actions are so similar to far right and including violence and misogyny.

My ex-boyfriend have similar ideas and even worse, saying that he can play "a perfect woman better than any woman can", but in reality he is only playing to misogyny views of "what woman is". It was really sad to lose a friend to such views.

[–]pennyheax 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This was fascinating. Thank you for sharing.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you found comfort and happiness with your own body.

[–]venecia 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This was fascinating to read, thank you! Now if only you can convince some of your old friends..