GC: How would you react if you saw a trans woman in the women's restroom?

submitted by GenderbenderShe/her/hers from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

  1. Lmao to almost all of this comment. It’s all been addressed multiple times by multiple people on this post so I’m moving on

-2. So once again you can prove nothing. Shocker.

-3. I’ll call you a boy then, although if you’re over 18 you’re an adult regardless of whether you finished puberty just as you’re a man regardless of how you look or feel

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

So once again you can prove nothing. Shocker.

It's not like there's any proof you'd actually accept lol you just want to be right too.

I’ll call you a boy then, although if you’re over 18 you’re an adult regardless of whether you finished puberty just as you’re a man regardless of how you look or feel

Honestly that's better but it still only describes a biology that I'd rather keep secret and not how my life is at all. It's like telling me I'm brown-haired...like okay? Yeah technically under the dye but everyone thinks I'm blonde. Not sure if I'll ever get why people have to be defined by that in all situations regardless of how they live. What would be the point of calling myself a boy

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Do you have any idea how much I’d rather be wrong?! It would be so much easier for me to accept TW are women. The reason I can’t do that is because it can’t be proven. I’d rather believe it because regardless I have to be effected by it.

Why is it better to be called a boy if a boy is still a male? I just don’t get this.

If You dyed your hair blonde you’re a blonde though? Like not naturally but you can actually truly really have blonde hair. If your roots show people would know it’s not natural but you’d still be blonde? Sex doesn’t work that way, though. I have no problem in theory calling TW transwomen, but when TW call themselves women I stop using the term TW and just call them men. If they can’t just refer to themselves as TW then I’m not going to either, but I’m not going to pretend they are a woman. If you had never called yourself a woman id have never called you a man. I have no issue with using the term transwoman here.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

It would be so much easier for me to accept TW are women

Well I'm trying I'll let you know in the future I guess

Why is it better to be called a boy if a boy is still a male? I just don’t get this.

Idk it's still bad but at least it's not a man, only men abused me not boys, I promised I would never grow up to become one.

If You dyed your hair blonde you’re a blonde though? Like not naturally but you can actually truly really have blonde hair. If your roots show people would know it’s not natural but you’d still be blonde? Sex doesn’t work that way, though.

It's kinda the same though like obvi if someone were in my home and saw me in the shower or something they'd know but externally I'm still the same. Transitioning isn't as simple as dyeing hair gosh I wish it was.

Also yeah idk transwoman is such an othering term that puts me in a category totally apart from women. I'm not gonna call myself that even if it means people call me a man bc of it. I'd rather be seen as a trans woman, with the space, without having to convince people than rely on people's kindness in calling me a transwoman.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Does it ever occur to you that maybe your abuse as a boy impacted you having dysphoria and identifying as your perception of a woman? Genuinely asking, not making a point tho it does seem like it’s a factor to me.

My point is still that dyed or not, you’re literally a blonde. Sex isn’t something that can be changed, and woman is a sex based term. Being blonde means you have blonde hair, being a woman means you’re an adult female human.

You’re still relying on people’s kindness when they call you trans woman with the space. To most people transwoman/trans woman is just code for man. We may understand it to refer to a type of man who wants to present as a woman,and we may be kind enough to call them she/her and not call them men, but it’s still just a word we use out of politesse, it doesn’t mean we mean it or believe it. Same for transmen/trans men. It translates to us as a type of woman who wants to present as a man.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It's probably part of it, but even before that there were signs. Even if that was the catalyst I just see that as part of who I am, really. Being a man now wouldn't undo that trauma and I'm just not really interested in being seen that way.

Sex isn’t something that can be change

What about sex can't be in principle be changed?

You’re still relying on people’s kindness when they call you trans woman with the space

I don't like to rely on people's kindness though, it's unreliable and I feel guilty for it. I don't know which of my coworkers are GC if any. I don't really want to know. As long as I stay invisible then I won't be pressuring people to be polite.

And fwiw I think a lot of people also do really see trans men and women as men and women.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sex is immutable. You can change characteristics indicative of sex but sex itself remains unchanged.

I get what you’re saying about being invisible, I was just speaking in general. I don’t believe most trans people pass but I don’t deny that some can. Even when I was an ally and staunch believer in TWAW and TMAM, in my experience most people don’t see them as the sex they wish, but agree it’s not costing them anything to call them what they prefer.

[–]BiologyIsReal 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's probably part of it, but even before that there were signs.

Like which ones? What made you think you were a girl? You're contradicting yourself. You said being a "woman" it's a matter of how other people perceive you. However, unless you started "medical transition" when you were very young, I doubt other people perceived child derrple as a "girl".

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Kid derrple did, at least. I had an imaginary friend that was just a female version of me, I'd just escape and daydream of having any other life but this. I remember being 6 years old and thinking about castrating myself with scissors. I thought I would grow up to be a woman. when I was in colorguard I felt a v strong sense of belonging because even though I was the only boy they treated me like everyone else, we wore the same outfits and makeup. It just felt like if only I were different I would have fit in fine. I just knew very early there was something wrong and that I couldn't tell anyone.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I remember being 6 years old and thinking about castrating myself with scissors.

Wow, you were precocious to know all about surgical castration when you were 6! Most kids that age don't understand the significance of testicles yet.

Also, in the retconned standard narrative TW tell of their childhoods, or mothers of trans kids tell, the line is usually that as a little boy so and so wanted to cut his penis off with scissors - or nail scissors in some versions. This is the first time I've heard someone say they wanted to go for the balls.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I said castration because I don't want to type the name of genitalia. I wanted to get rid of everything and still do. Idk why I even try to share that stuff when you're basically saying you don't believe me. Just feels like shit.

I was a weird gender dysphoric kid. But even if I hadn't been, even if it'd developed later, I'd still be trans and need to transition. And you already know my mom doesn't support me. No one in my family does.