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[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (82 children)

This is forced teaming

It's not forced it's just how things are?? It's allyship, there are plenty of things I don't experience too but I still support you in solving those issues even if it doesn't affect me.

You belong to the sex that for millennia has oppressed and abused my sex

Why does that mean I'm a horrible person though? I'm so sorry if in any of our conversations I've made you feel scared or intimidated. Really I am, I am truly trying to live my life as a woman without hurting anyone. But tbh... you don't really know much about me or my relationships with others. How I see myself has nothing to do with how I see you or other women or girls. I don't like it when people act misogynistically towards me, if that's what you think. It's just that just like everyone else I shouldn't be required or expected to escape from being targeted by not appearing as a woman.

Of course you matter as much, because you're a human being.

Not sure how I can be a male supremacist when I hate being male and everything that comes with it and so I am trying to change and be better. I've just realized that shouldn't include being a total doormat because that's kinda how I am irl.

Idk, I have enough self-respect to say I don't really think there's a point in talking to someone who thinks I am an abuser for being stealth trans. What am I supposed to say to that anyway? "Ok I won't be trans anymore"? I can and will be a good person who happens to be trans, even if you don't agree. I wish you well though

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (41 children)

Not sure how I can be a male supremacist when I hate being male and everything that comes with it and so I am trying to change and be better.

Virtually all males are male supremacists because virtually all males take advantage of the benefits of male supremacy. You are actively benefiting from male supremacy and misogyny when you use women’s spaces. Look at the responses in this thread, where every single woman said they would leave or otherwise not speak up despite their discomfort. Why do you think they’re uncomfortable, and why do you think they wouldn’t speak up? You directly benefit from every rape, murder, assault, and harassment of female people by male people endemic in patriarchy. You directly benefit from every assault, threat, deplatform, and loss of livelihood and reputation that male trans people have inflicted on female people. Even if you’ve never personally done any of these things—you can use women’s spaces, resources, words, etc, because of these things. You have unsuccessfully tried to divorce yourself from the wider context of patriarchy and male supremacy but this has just made your analysis shallow, and your attempts to ‘change and be better’ ineffective.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (40 children)

Well of course GCers are uncomfortable around trans people because y'all hate us. That's not surprising. Y'all speak up on here but there's literally no reason anyone should be afraid of me, if someone angrily confronted me I would just leave. I don't benefit from male violence; men direct it at me too. I don't harass anyone I am just done being too terrified to go out in public. I can only use those spaces because I transitioned and take hormones and voice trained, not because of others' actions.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (32 children)

We don’t hate you just because we don’t see things the way you want us to. We don’t even hate you just because we don’t see you the way you want us to. If we hated you, we’d not be engaging with you.

I could easily argue you hate women, since it’s so easy for you to disregard our rights and spaces and reduce womanhood to appearance and feelings, or even that you hate anyone who doesn’t think like you, since you compared us to racists for simply understanding biology and reality and refusing to pretend we don’t.

You can’t decide for others what they should or shouldn’t be afraid of. The fact that you can enter female specific spaces as a male in and of itself is scary. Doesn’t matter if you personally aren’t a threat, the system in place that removed my safe spaces to make you feel safe and validated is scary.

You may not benefit from male violence- you absolutely benefit from male privilege. And male violence is not restricted to being committed against females or males who look or want to look female.

You don’t harass people, you just nullify some peoples rights and spaces and turn their lived reality into an identity. But, thanks for not adding harassment to that list.

You or any other male claiming to identify as or actually be a woman (note claim-they don’t even have to mean it) can use those spaces regardless of hormones and voice training now. You chose to wait, others don’t. It’s not just about you, none of this is just about you, it’s about TW in general. So unless you’re saying don’t let other TW access our spaces, just derrple because you say you’re safe and have taken certain steps, none of the things you did before you gave yourself permission to invade female spaces matters.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (31 children)

compared us to racists

For forming whole collections of criminals who happen to be trans and treating that as if it's some sort of indictment of trans people as a whole, yes.

reduce womanhood to appearance and feelings

Your womanhood is based on whatever you feel it is, the same as mine x( you say "feelings" as if they are insignificant but I'm trying to talk more broadly about, idk, introspective feelings and thoughts of one's position place and situation in the world. It's not just a trivial thing.

You can’t decide for others what they should or shouldn’t be afraid of

Ofc not, but if they're afraid of me and I'm not doing anything wrong?

system in place that removed my safe spaces to make you feel safe and validated is scary.

Tbf I don't feel safe in any bathroom I just feel way less safe in the men's. I'm just in general scared of people, men moreso.

My identity is my lived reality tho? I don't know why u have to trivialize it, I don't know why me being counted among women means something must be lost from womanhood.

So unless you’re saying don’t let other TW access our spaces

Ofc I give others advice but I can't really control what they do. I used to be so paralyzed with anxiety that I almost got a UTI several times. That's like, unlivable, and I'd love to hear how you think I should have resolved it without continuing to beat myself up when I haven't even done anything wrong, or requiring me to class myself with men.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (30 children)

But forming your concept of womanhood on harassment, appearance and feelings, in other words, defining womanhood only by what you can try to wedge yourself into isn’t misogynistic or narcissistic?

They linked those crimes because they were relevant to the discussion. She didn’t say all TW were criminals and racists don’t even say all poc are criminals so wtf?

I don’t base womanhood on any type of feeling and no matter how many times you accuse us of doing this it won’t be true. Feelings have nothing to do with sex. At all. And women don’t occupy one singular place position or situation in the world.

Invading other peoples safe spaces is you doing something wrong. You being there is scary regardless of your behavior.

Your identity really has nothing to do with women. And pretending a man can be a woman takes away the entire meaning of woman. It renders the word useless because it would describe basically whoever the fuck wants it to describe them. By claiming to be a woman you nullify the word. Your actual lived reality is that of a trans person who happens to be male.

Pee outside, ask for someone to go in the mens room with you, go home and pee, carry some device to pee in your car if you have to, I truly don’t give a fuck anymore just stay away from women. It’s not our job to find out where you can pee. We just don’t want you to pee in spaces designated for females.

You should be classed with men because you’re not a woman and can’t make yourself one regardless of how you feel about it. The world shouldn’t have to bend for you.

Edited a typo

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (29 children)

But forming your concept of womanhood on harassment, appearance and feelings, in other words, defining womanhood only by what you can try to wedge yourself

It's not only bad experiences! I have a good rapport and friendship with my women coworkers, who are super talented at what they do, and just the experience of being friends with women is very different than when I was a boy. there's less of a gap of understanding. And no I didn't approach them they were the ones who started conversation

Look im sure if I were female a definition based on biology would appeal to me because it's simple and would likely match how I think about myself. I'm not, so I find joy or meaning in the things I actually do experience.

They linked those crimes because they were relevant to the discussion.

How? How do criminals who are trans have an effect on bathrooms?

An opinion or belief is literally a feeling but ok.

Invading other peoples safe spaces is you doing something wrong. You being there is scary regardless of your behavior.

And yet many specifically say that I'm included in "their" bathroom. Like I understand and would not join a private space where it was stated or implied that trans women aren't welcome. Bathrooms don't have any such consensus, and using them is practically required for public life.

And pretending a man can be a woman takes away the entire meaning of woman.

Saying that someone can become or partially live as a woman still requires that "woman" has a meaning apart from that identity or becoming.

it’s not our job to find out where you can pee.

And it's not mine to hurt myself and agonize over this when there's never an issue and not everyone even thinks the way you do. You're not the arbiter of public bathrooms.

go home and pee

Yeah this is definitely realistic when I live 90 minutes from the office.

carry some device to pee in your car if you have to

What?? That's like super degrading wtf

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (28 children)

  1. Just because you have female friends you relate to doesn’t mean you’re a woman lol. I have more male friends than female

-2. Saying that you can become or live like a woman is false because you have to be a female to do those things. You literally just said if you were female the definition would work for you. So you admit that you only can’t accept it because it doesn’t apply to you. You admit to wanting to redefine or misuse a word that has a meaning that makes sense even to you just because it doesn’t fit you. That’s ridiculous and selfish as fuck but I respect that you admitted this

-3. So you’ll listen to women who know you (how do they know you’re trans if you aren’t honest? Like do they even know you’re a te in their space? If they did, some may feel differently). If I personally knew a TW and I trusted them I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Other women in that space may so it’s not ok for your friends to give a man permission. It’s not just my space or your friends space and women allover have been pretty vocal about feeling uncomfortable. It’s not okay for any woman to ignore those women because they personally like you or don’t feel uncomfortable. If there is no consensus, TW should stay out until the consensus is that all women and girls are comfortable. Precisely because those spaces are meant for us to be comfortable and feel safe

-4. I don’t care if it’s degrading. It’s degrading to an entire sex, half of the population, to have us be told that we have no say in our spaces because some men really want to use them. It’s degrading to tell women that womanhood is an identity or can be earned through artificial hormones and surgery. So if you have to figure out how to pee without degrading women and the result is that you feel degraded- oh well. You could use the mens room. You choose not to.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (27 children)

Saying that you can become or live like a woman is false because you have to be a female to do those things

People believe that I am female. They don't know differently.

That’s ridiculous and selfish as fuck but I respect that you admitted this

If our situations were swapped I doubt you'd hold biology as sacrosanct either. My point is like we all define ourselves in ways that make sense to us. For me the only way I can is by denying my biology.

how do they know you’re trans if you aren’t honest? Like do they even know you’re a te in their space

I have friends I've met online that later became irl friends and those people know. I keep that friend group separate from people I met irl. They're the ones who I was talking about there sorry to be unclear.

Other women in that space may

May. Like why should I stress or, according to you, literally pee in my car (which I don't have because I commute via public transport to the office on days I can't be remote), when in order for anyone to actually be upset they have to 1. See me in the first place which I try to avoid 2. Figure out that I'm trans and 3. Are uncomfortable with me being trans in the same room as them.

If there is no consensus, TW should stay out

Yet you would never say this to lesbian women. And people literally did, there was a panic about lesbian women in women's locker rooms, and it was absurd and homophobic. On what basis should the default be to assume that everyone is transphobic?

we have no say in our spaces

Ofc you have say in your spaces? Bathrooms are a public space with no clear individual or group ownership.

You could use the mens room. You choose not to.

Bc I'm not a man and I won't humiliate myself at work

[–]Juniperius 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Are uncomfortable with me being trans in the same room as them.

You mean, Are uncomfortable with you being male in the same room where they are exposing their genitals with the expectation that it is safe to do so because they believe there will never be any males there.

It's not the trans that's the problem, it's the male.

And it's not being in the same room that's the problem, it's being in a room where we specifically go to be away from males so we can take care of intimate bodily functions.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (21 children)

Im so sure everyone believes you’re female 🙄 even if they do- you aren’t. So I don’t know why you keep saying this lol

I can’t know for sure and neither can you but if I’m the same person just with dysphoria I’d know I was a man (assuming you mean I’m a TW) and I’d tell people I have a condition treated through transition and I’d prefer if I were referred to as she her because proper pronouns trigger me, if they aren’t comfortable with that I’d ask for neutral pronouns. I would not make my disorder other peoples responsibility not would I invade female spaces. I’d do all of the things I suggested to you. Because I Respect women.

So you found a bunch of tras and act like it means anything that people who already drank the kool aid invited you to invade female spaces? Lmao

Like I said, if you pass you pass and no one knows. Doesn’t make it okay just means nobody knows. But if someone does notice you should remove yourself imo

It was absurd and homophobic because lesbians are women. TW are not. It’s not the same. It’s not transphobic to know you’re not a woman and not want to make you an exception to sex based anything just because that’s what you want.

I already explained why female bathrooms are obviously meant for females. So no, we don’t have a say.

You are literally biologically factually entirely truly absolutely a man lol

[–]MarkTwainiac 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Yet you would never say this to lesbian women. And people literally did, there was a panic about lesbian women in women's locker rooms, and it was absurd and homophobic. On what basis should the default be to assume that everyone is transphobic?

No one would ever say this to lesbian women because lesbians are women, FFS. Lesbians don't have dicks and balls. Lesbians don't have the male gaze, male entitlement, male pushiness, male rape mentality, male body strength, speed and power or male hand span, punching power and grip strength. Lesbians don't have form for menacing women, flashing their genitals and masturbating in public places. Lesbians don't have the ability to impregnate, either.

Also, can you please tell me exactly when and where this panic about lesbians in women's locker rooms occurred? I have been using women's locker rooms since I was a little girl in the late 1950s, and I never, ever heard of this or saw any evidence of this panic. Most of the women's locker rooms I have used have been in the USA. However, I have traveled a fair bit, and in my travels I've never seen or heard this either. But all the places I've ever been there have been lesbians around - and my recollection is that the vast majority of girls and women who are not lesbians themselves don't feel discomfort around lesbians, much less "panic."

I don't deny that lesbians have faced a lot of homophobia and discrimination. I know lots of lesbians, have lots of lesbian friends, and I had lesbian great aunts born at the end of the 19th century - so I have some sense of the prejudices that lesbians have experienced. I just have never seen this particular manifestation of it.

Maybe I'm blocking it out, but I honestly don't recall any time in the last nearly 70 years when there was a panic about lesbian women in women's locker rooms. On the contrary, similar to sports, women's locker rooms traditionally have always been a place where women of all sexual orientations got on just fine. One of the best things about the relationship between Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert in the 1970s was that they were fierce rivals on the tennis court, and great pals and sources of mutual support for one another in the locker room - and behind the scenes generally. Which is how it has always been between lesbians and the majority of straight women in the USA my whole life.

Now that I've wracked my memory, and asked a lot of friends if they recall this panic (including a number of lesbians ranging in ages from their 50s to late 80s), I have to say I really resent young trans activists today claiming there used to be a moral panic amongst women about lesbians in women's locker rooms and other female spaces. I especially resent when male TRAs inform me that this is how things used to be. You are smearing whole swathes of the female population much older than you by telling us we all felt and displayed homophobia towards lesbians that a great many of us did not feel or display. My hunch is that you are projecting your own homophobia and prejudice against lesbians onto entire generations of older women. Please stop. It's sexist and presumptuous of you.

Finally, the way you try to make it seem like TW and lesbians have common cause regarding restrooms and locker rooms is more forced teaming.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Your total lack of acknowledgement of the context of the rapes, murders, assaults, harassments, threats, deplatformings, and loss of livelihoods and reputations which make many women feel a rational discomfort towards male people as a class and your re-framing of this discomfort as unreasonable bigotry is male supremacy. So much so that it is common rhetoric in men's rights activists' spaces. If you personally take any precautions against or feel any discomfort towards males as a class due to the precedence of male violence against transwomen/GNC male people then you do absolutely understand risk assessment based on the context of someone’s sex, you just don’t think the female half of the population deserves the same consideration. This is male supremacy.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you. Perfectly stated.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

you do absolutely understand risk assessment based on the context of someone’s sex

I take precautions around men. Not people I specifically know to be male; men, people who appear male

Your total lack of acknowledgement of the context of the rapes, murders, assaults, harassments, threats, deplatformings, and loss of livelihoods and reputations

I don't support anyone making threats or assaulting anyone. Deplatforming is kind of different. Literally just today I read a story about how a swiss town burned a trans woman in effigy. Where's the acknowledgement for that from GC?

Anyone who faces misogyny or male violence should have recourse from it. That includes trans women. Risk assessment based on apparent sex is what everyone deserves

[–]BiologyIsReal 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

How many times do you need to be told that no one here personally hates you? We've given you a lot of explanations and examples for why including TW in women's bathrooms (and other women's spaces) hurts women. We've explained to you why the material reality of sex is more important than how people perceives themselves and others. You just keep refusing to actually listen to anything we've to say and, instead, you choose to believe our disagreements are rooted in us having an irrational hate for you and other people like you. You keep insisting than you are a "woman", yet you are completely unable to justify the claim beyond stating your wish for it to be true. And in spite of the lack of explanations for your own "identity" you believe everyone has the duty to perceive you as you perceive yourself and behave accordingly.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You keep insisting than you are a "woman", yet you are completely unable to justify the claim beyond stating your wish for it to be true

I don't need to. Any more than anyone else here does, I simply am.

We've given you a lot of explanations and examples

Y'all have mainly given a ton of fearmongering and hate stirring mostly over those in totally different situations like prisons. It's not like you listen to me either, when I tell you that trans people have been using the bathroom for decades and that it was never a problem before... We are just talking past each other.

[–]BiologyIsReal 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't need to. Any more than anyone else here does, I simply am.

I can easily explain why I am woman. Because of biology, it's that simple. I am adult human female.

Y'all have mainly given a ton of fearmongering and hate stirring mostly over those in totally different situations like prisons. It's not like you listen to me either, when I tell you that trans people have been using the bathroom for decades and that it was never a problem before... We are just talking past each other.

It has always been a problem! The only reason you face more vocal opposition right now is because you (general you) cannot hide your actions anymore because the number of people like you keeps increasing and because you all are quite vocal about it with some of you even taking selfies of their adventures into women's restrooms. And of course internet makes easier for women to spread the word in spite of how much Big Tech try to supress dissenting voices. And of course, you have all the TRAs starting a witch hunt anytime they a woman speaking out about males using spaces designed for women.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can easily explain why I am woman. Because of biology, it's that simple. I am adult human female.

I'm a woman trapped in biology that doesn't match what I am, then.

some of you even taking selfies of their adventures

Yeah I've always found that weird I don't get why people would have their phone out in a bathroom at all.

And of course, you have all the TRAs starting a witch hunt anytime they a woman speaking out about males using spaces designed for women.

What about y'all starting a witch hunt every time any organization says anything positive about a trans woman? Like Emily Bridges' interview or a trans woman EMT who was piled on just for dating to be trans.

Yeah people should speak out against efforts to cast trans women as men

the number of people like you keeps increasing

You know that when society became a bit less homophobic, or at least after marriage equality here, the number of LGB people went up, because it wasn't as shameful to be LGB. It's the same for trans people now, I think. I wouldn't have been able to be trans if I hadn't learned it was a thing one could be.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (39 children)

“It’s not forced it’s just how things are???”

It’s “just how things are” even though a large portion of women and girls don’t want that to be just how things are. Yet we are forced to deal with it. Do you get what I’m saying? By nature of it being “just how things are” it’s forced.

“I’m so sorry if any of our conversations I’ve made you feel intimidated or scared”

But not sorry if in real life your actions have made us feel intimidated or scared? Do you understand how scary that, in and of itself, is? That you would apologize if you said something but not when you actively do something?

Do you understand that effectively, you’re telling us that you don’t care that your presence in our spaces and corruption of the language we need to describe the reality of our lives is terrifying to many of us, but you’ll apologize if the way you word things is scary?

“Really I am, I am truly trying to live my life as a woman without hurting anyone…”

So then why do you not listen to the women who tell you that you are actually hurting us just by truly trying to do that? Instead you just tell us that some women don’t feel that way. You said you didn’t want to hurt anyone… the women who feel harmed by TW are a part of anyone. Why is it okay to disregard them?

Im not trying to attack you, and I know I’m not a part of this conversation, I just don’t understand this and so I had to ask.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (38 children)

It’s “just how things are” even though a large portion of women and girls don’t want that to be just how things are

I didn't ever imply I think this is the way things should be?? But like misogyny exists yes and I don't want that to be how things are either.

Yet we are forced to deal with it

And you think that passing trans women aren't also forced to deal with it? (Some of it) We are, if you say we could just detransition to avoid it then why don't you transition? Because it's simply not who you are right? And that's okay, no one should be forced to perform to get by in the world.

That you would apologize if you said something but not when you actively do something?

What am I actively doing that's so terrible, y'all know v little about me?

Do you understand that effectively, you’re telling us that you don’t care that your presence in our spaces and corruption of the language we need

I care and try to make my presence as invisible as possible, I'm just not going to self-harm to make absolutely everyone happy. Like I try to minimize my public bathroom usage and use it when no one else is around but like I'm not going to use the men's room (where I'm way more likely to both be uncomfortable and make others uncomfortable) just because someone might be uncomfortable with the 30 seconds I'm in the bathroom and not in a stall. There's a bunch of ifs there, they'd need to both see me and clock me and be uncomfortable.

Also I literally never understand the language bit, language is always changing and evolving, trans women being counted as women doesn't mean that other women stop being such, or that when people hear "women" they think of you by default. Like I think that the gender neutral language used could be improved but I don't think the trans men I know should have to be referred to as women either. And I don't have any issue with how you define yourself and whether like, your sexuality excludes trans people or is sex-based. I think everyone should use the labels they feel best fit them.

So then why do you not listen to the women who tell you that you are actually hurting us just by truly trying to do that?

Because I've just been hurting myself in the process. Those women were harmed by trans women who are not me, it's awful but idk how I had a part in that. I hate predatory or abusivd people no matter what their gender is. And because literally every other person I talk to who's not involved in this "debate" (if you can even call it that), says that I'm being ridiculous by bending over backwards to appease GC people who will never accept me no matter what. Obvi I'll respect your personal boundaries and others' and if I knew you I would ofc wait to use the bathroom. I just won't assume that everyone dislikes or fears trans people as much as you seem to or that I'm hurting people by being trans.

Surely there are things about you that you wouldn't just stop if someone told you they didn't like it? You'd have to assess reasonably whether they're correct, I would hope you don't live your life tripping over yourself every time a random internet person were to baselessly call something you do abusive, you know? I used to and it's just bad for mentally to always be self-correcting

Being trans doesn't even feel like an action to me it's just like, a state of being, almost. I'm kinda past the point of thinking anything I could reasonably do would please GC 100%.

and dw it's okay! It's one big conversation I guess haha

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm not going to use the men's room (where I'm way more likely to both be uncomfortable and make others uncomfortable) just because someone might be uncomfortable

Sorry, but when I read that and your other statements, the message I think you are telling me and other women is:

I am not going to use the men's room where I as a male who wants to be a woman am likely to be uncomfortable myself, and where I think I might make other males uncomfortable, just because some female people might feel uncomfortable and unsafe with males in women's restrooms. Because as a male, I believe that males have a right to not to feel uncomfortable ever, but female people do not have any such right - nor do female people have any right to safety, privacy or dignity, either.

Therefore, for the sake of my own personal comfort and the comfort of other members of my sex, I am going to use women's restrooms whenever I want. If this causes some women and girls to feel unsafe, uneasy, uncomfortable, intruded upon and disrespected - tough noogies.

If my using women's restrooms means women and girls from certain religions and cultures such as observant Muslims and orthodox Jews no longer will be able to use women's restrooms and thus will have no place to tend to their intimate bodily needs outside their homes, and they thus no longer will be able participate in life outside the home as they could until recently, tough noogies.

If my use of women's restrooms means women's restrooms become inhospitable and off limits to women and girls in certain life circumstances or dealing with certain female-only physical issues that cause women and girls to feel especially vulnerable and to really, really need privacy from males - such as menstruation, pregnancy vomiting, pregnancy hemorrhoids and rectal bleeding, post-birth or termination vaginal bleeding and clotting, heavy vaginal bleeding due to fibroids or menopausal flooding, miscarriage, leaking breasts and amnio fluid, urinary and fecal incontinence due to aging and a history of childbirth, cystitis, vaginal yeast infections requiring application of medications, disrobing to wash off bloodstains, breastmilk and baby vomit from their clothing - tough noogies.

If women voice their objections to me and other males using women's restrooms, I will tell them

it's just how things are.

And as the coup de grace, I will add

It's allyship.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is just a really really long way to put words in my mouth.

Because as a male, I believe that males have a right to not to feel uncomfortable ever, but female people do not have any such right

I never said that and I do not believe it. I'm uncomfortable no matter what.

for the sake of my own personal comfort

Just this, not the rest. If any other kind of woman was expected to make herself uncomfortable because some others may be uncomfortable, you'd be rooting for her, might I add.

If my use of women's restrooms means women's restrooms become inhospitable and off limits to women and girls in certain life circumstances

No idea how me using the bathroom could ever cause this

If my using women's restrooms means women and girls from certain religions and cultures such as observant Muslims and orthodox Jews

What? How would it mean this, if they don't know? How is it my responsibility if they don't use it because of the mere possibility that someone--they won't even know who--who is trans uses the same room?

it's just how things are.

Because I'm a woman and I'm not going to be bullied into otherwise.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (35 children)

We weren’t talking about how things should be- you said this is how it is. Don’t backtrack unless you’re going to delete the comment so you can pretend that’s not what you said.

Women should not be forced to share language, spaces, sports, etc with you because you transitioned. Period. No one is forcing you to transition, not transition, or detransition. Your transition has an effect on us. We have to deal with You corrupting our spaces and language regardless of how we feel. What do you not get? Your transition forces women and girls to have no choice or say in our own spaces.

Passing TW are not forced to deal with it, they are the very thing women have to deal with (along with the ones who don’t pass).

What are you doing that’s so terrible?

Calling yourself a woman when you literally can’t ever be one

Using our spaces when they were literally designed to keep you (males) out

And other things that you specifically may not be doing (as you said I know little about you) but that a lot do other TW are doing.

Your presence shouldn’t have to be something women have to deal with at all, no matter how small you make your presence.

So… it’s not okay to possibly maybe make other men or yourself uncomfortable but it is acceptable to make women uncomfortable for the 30 seconds you’re in our spaces. Got it.

The OP of this post shared a link a while back that actually indicates that the number of people who want trans people to use the bathrooms meant for their sex is actually increasing every year.

Language does evolve- but the language we have actually does accurately define and describe tw, just not the way they want to. Language doesn’t evolve to accommodate the personal sense of self of 1% of the human population

You don’t listen to those women because your wants and needs matter more than those of women. Glad you made that clear.

There are things about myself I wouldn’t stop if someone told me they didn’t like it. None of those things involve trying to redefine words because I want them to apply to me or invading other people’s safe spaces. If they did involve those things, I would stop.

We are correct- TW aren’t women and female spaces are for women and girls. You just can’t accept we are correct because you don’t want us to be correct. As I said, if you can’t prove it and we can, you’re wrong. Until you can prove it, you can’t really claim that what I just said isn’t true, all you can say is that it’s not true to you. You are one of billions. If billions of people- literally all people, even you- just existing proves what gc is saying, it’s pretty self serving to pretend that what I said is wrong.

I agree that being trans is a state of being. So is being a woman. The problem is that your state of being impacts my life and my rights and my equality. My being a woman doesn’t have that effect on you. It’s not my fault that you’re not a woman. It’s not anyones fault.

It’s not just gc. I know plenty of people who don’t even know the term gc and feel the same way that I do. There are little girls in schools who feel unsafe in their bathrooms and locker rooms just because one boy- one- claims to be a girl and solely based on that claim has been given access to female spaces in school. Hundreds of girls who can’t vote and don’t know the term gc being held hostage to the whims and feelings of one boy. Same with sports. Many of Lia Thomas’ teammates have protested and spoken out, but one male’s sense fo self matters more than almost his entire team not wanting him to compete with or against them. That’s bullshit. That’s what I mean by forced. And none of his teammates have called themselves gender critical.

Edit- fixed typo

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (34 children)

Do you not think that how it currently is in the world that women and girls experience misogyny though, sorry idk if I'm understanding

Women should not be forced to share language, spaces, sports, etc with you because you transitioned

You don't own language or public spaces. I don't have a stance on sports bc I'm not an athlete idk

Your transition forces women and girls to have no choice or say in our own spaces.

You have the same choice we do, the choice on what you personally want to do. You don't have say over what other people do. You believe that you should be able to choose for others, for trans women, for me, and tbh that makes you no different than anyone before you who thought they should be able to choose for any other kind of woman

Calling yourself a woman when you literally can’t ever be one

Terrible how? At worst I'm guilty of lying and then that depends on your moral calculus for which lies are okay really

Using our spaces when they were literally designed to keep you

There's no electric fence that zaps ppl who have XY chromosomes on the way in, just the general social understanding that people who appear male shouldn't be in there. Everyone ik tells me I pass fine and I'm not just talking about hugbox-y friends

acceptable to make women uncomfortable for the 30 seconds you’re in our spaces. Got it.

There's a small chance that someone will be uncomfortable regardless. Would you just not use the bathroom if idk, you had a lot of piercings and someone didn't like that? I can pick between almost certainly making at least two people uncomfortable (myself and a man) or one with the chance that someone might be (myself and a woman who clocked me). I'm going with the lower chance.

The OP of this post shared a link a while back that actually indicates that the number of people who want trans people to use the bathrooms meant for their sex is actually increasing every year.

Yeah well when there's a trans panic y'all have literally contributed to whipping up causing trans ppl to be called slurs or assaulted or harassed online I'm not surprised that people have internalized the lie that trans people are dangerous

Language doesn’t evolve to accommodate the personal sense of self of 1% of the human population

It does if enough people use it. If more and more ppl who aren't trans see the merit in recognizing someone's gender separate from their sex, that just means our transsexual-meme-virus-whatever is succeeding

You don’t listen to those women because your wants and needs matter more than those of women. Glad you made that clear

Yeah my wants and needs matter more than the wants and needs of the dozen or so GCers I've interacted with online, sorry. Also it's not like you care about the needs of trans women at the expense of your own either.

There are things about myself I wouldn’t stop if someone told me they didn’t like it

Well yeah and being trans is one of those things for me and like I said I really do try and be invisible but the only answer you'll ever accept from me is if I were to call myself a man and use men's spaces. That's a total non-starter

You just can’t accept we are correct because you don’t want us to be correct.

I disagree with your framework that you use to claim to be "correct". You haven't proven why my sex should be at all meaningful to how I live my life and how I pretend to be.

There are little girls in schools who feel unsafe in their bathrooms and locker rooms just because one boy- one- claims to be a girl and solely based on that claim has been given access to female spaces in school.

Is that kid actually making anyone unsafe though? She's a kid, having her use the boys room is just going to make her and boys uncomfortable. They aren't being held hostage because no one is telling them what to do or that they can't use the girl's room.

Many of Lia Thomas’ teammates have protested and spoken out

Many have supported her too! I don't really like lia personally from what I've heard from a mutual friend, but ultimately if she shouldn't be competing that's the athletic organizations fault and she is just following that the same as other athletes. It wasn't just her decision.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (33 children)

A huge part of the misogyny we face is men claiming womanhood for themselves. That’s not an issue TW have to deal with. It’s an issue TW cause.

To be frank, even males who aren’t TW can experience some degree of the effects of misogyny. Being effeminate, being short, being gay… they get ridiculed and mocked or even harmed for those things (not necessarily the height thing, but an average sized man may well think he can pick on or harm a smaller man). So TW experiencing some aspects of misogyny doesn’t mean they have that in common solely with women.

Actually- the women’s room is for women. See that apostrophe? It indicates ownership. A female sign on a space indicates that’s who the space is meant for. A word having a clear meaning (as all words do) indicates it means what that meaning is. So no, I don’t own the word woman, but it applies to me and not to you, so you have less of claim on it than I do.

Im not an athlete either. It matters to me because I’m a woman.

Not enough people are using it how you want them to to claim the language evolved. Just because some will go along doesn’t mean the language evolved. It means one people are being kind to you. And as I said, more and more people want you to use the space designated to you based on your sex. This is not an indication that language is evolving at all.

Jesus I didn’t know you meant online, specifically. So you’re not even basing this on people in the real world in real time. You’re basing it on sites you frequent that are full of people who a) think like you or b) know they have to use certain language and not say certain things to be allowed in that space.

So… even though there’s only dozens of people online who are gc we are responsible for all of these people changing their minds? Even though according to you there are infinitely more people who agree with you? Sure. That tracks.

Literally I didn’t say you shouldn’t be trans or that you being trans offends me. I didn’t ask you to stop being trans lol

It’s not my framework. It’s biology. You haven’t disproven biology lol

You live your life as a trans person. That would mean that your sex is quite possibly the biggest factor in how you live your life…

So fuck the feelings of all those girls for the sake of one boy? He may feel the same feelings he’s forcing those girls to feel if he has to use the boys spaces but he’s a fucking boy so it’s not the same issue. Since he’s a child, he hasn’t transitioned so I doubt the other boys would be uncomfortable. No they aren’t telling little girls they can’t use the girls room. They’re telling little girls they don’t deserve to have their own spaces were they feel safe using the bathroom all because one male wants access to spaces meant for girls. They’re telling girls that male feelings matter more than the sense of safety and comfort for all of the girls at the school.

Many supporting him doesn’t detract from the people who have to actually compete with him thinking it’s unfair. Many don’t support him. He literally got booed. Almost all of the audience literally refused to applaud his win and applauded the female who came in second place because they knew she was the true winner in a competition meant to be amongst women.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (32 children)

A huge part of the misogyny we face is men claiming womanhood for themselves

If you mean trans women then idk I've always seen it as more of like, a becoming or sense of belonging? Like...it took me years of passing before I actually started to come out of my shell, I literally never came out and demanded anyone call me new pronouns. It just gradually happened.

To be frank, even males who aren’t TW can experience some degree of the effects of misogyn

I agree but like it's for different reasons, because they're seen as "effeminate" or "failed" men, the harassment feels different and has different reasons and manifestations

So no, I don’t own the word woman, but it applies to me and not to you, so you have less of claim on it than I do.

It applies to me in my everyday life too

And as I said, more and more people want you to use the space designated to you based on your sex

Hopefully people become less transphobic over time and reverse that, otherwise the only trans people using those bathrooms will be people who pass and we would have to deal with potentially being accused of a crime every time we go out in public. Which is absurd.

So… even though there’s only dozens of people online who are gc we are responsible for all of these people changing their minds

You and the far right that co-opts your rhetoric because you both hate trans people, and there are more of them than there are GCers.

I didn’t ask you to stop being trans lol

You're asking me to accept being a man and use the men's room though?

They’re telling girls that male feelings matter more than the sense of safety and comfort

Safety and comfort are subjective feelings too. That kid is not a threat just because she's trans. Unless and until she is actually endangering them, she should be able to use the room. She's a kid, probably nervous as hell and wants to fit in. No, I don't think their feelings should outweigh her right to use the bathroom any more than anyone else's feelings should prevent any other woman or girl from using it.

she was the true winner

Again it's the organizations fault but Lia still won according to the rules at the time

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (31 children)

I understand feeling a sense of becoming or belonging- but claiming you can become a woman or belong with women is misogynistic in itself. A male person can’t become a woman. And it’s wrong for a male to claim they belong with women just because that is what they want or even because that’s where the feel most comfortable. You can’t ever really understand what it is to be a woman. Even if you appear female and people treat you as one (whatever that actually means), you’re still experiencing it in a male body and from a male’s perspective. It’s not the same. Women aren’t gradually treated as women- we are always treated as female humans, and that influences our perspectives in ways that your perspective can’t ever be influenced. There is nothing tying women to transwomen other than their insistence on being tied to us. It is forced on us. Which is the point I made in my first comment.

Men get harassed. This is a thing that happens. What specific thing can TW experience that only women experience? Even if someone discriminates against you because they think you’re a woman, you have the option to clarify. You choose not to. You can literally opt out of being treated like a woman if you admit you aren’t one. I get why you won’t, but you have that option. Women don’t.

As I’ve said so many times- you saying it applies to you doesn’t make that true. It doesn’t. It can’t. It never will. And you can’t even prove how it does. You just state it and I’m supposed to accept it and that’s honestly an incredibly stereotypically male way of thinking.

Hope all you want- the influx of people siding with you has already passed. That’s proven by the statistic I referenced and others that show a decline annually.

If you pass nobody would accuse you of anything because nobody would know you were in the wrong space. So if you personally pass and intend to pretend you’re a woman you’ve nothing to worry about in bathrooms or other female spaces. Unless you don’t actually pass as well as you think you do. Regardless of how it effects you, regardless of whether or not you pass, women and girls deserve their own spaces.

It wouldn’t matter who speaks out against TW if the majority is on your side. Clearly they aren’t, if people who aren’t gc or “alt right” agree with what we are saying about trans people. Alt righters are anti abortion, most women I know, even most men I know, are pro choice yet against the spaces and sports and language issues concerning trans people. People can and do think for themselves. A large part of people changing their views on trans people is the inability of trans people to prove the things they claim. That’s what made be become gc. Literally trans people. Not gc. Not alt right. Transwomen and transmen and so called enbies themselves made me gender critical.

Im asking you to respect women and leave us and our spaces alone. Pee where ever else you have to to do that.

Tell the little boy I referenced that safety and comfort are subjective, then! He’s not gonna fit in when half the school resents him and he’s made them all feel uncomfortable lol. Him wanting to be a girl isn’t going to make girls see him as one any more than him wanting to be a woman when he grows up will make anyone see him as one. It’s ridiculous and the best example of male privilege I can think of that his feelings matter more than how those girls feel. Why should his feelings outweigh the feelings of multiple girls in his school? Even of the parents of children at the school? Why exactly do the feelings of trans people always matter more than everyone else’s feelings?

Lia is a man who shouldn’t have even been there. The rule is fucked up and it only exists to placate men. That’s again- my whole point. We are forced to live with rules that undermine our equal rights for the sake of men. You pointing out that it’s a rule is just you making my point. Males can dictate what rules women have to abide by, and even when we are vocal about disagreeing and it being unfair, we get told it’s the way it is. By men. Who made it the way it is. It’s how it’s always been for women, the only difference now is that it’s being done by and for men claiming to be women instead of just men dictating to women in general.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (30 children)

You can’t ever really understand what it is to be a woman

What would it take? No two women have the same perspective and experiences, there are women who do not menstruate, who cannot have children, who have an intersex condition. They're still women. There are surely a very small few who by chance or a superbly safe environment largely escape male violence as children and are suddenly exposed to it as adults.

People's perspectives can change, it's super bioessentialist to say that people born a certain way can only ever have certain mental states and cannot ever understand someone else's perspective. Yeah I do not know what it is like to be raised female but there isn't some universal ideal there, I just had a weird and uncharacteristic childhood. I didn't choose that, I am trying to unlearn and forget and focus on what I actually have chosen. What I experience now is more in line with women than it is with men, men simply aren't bothered by the same concerns I have. If I have to reverse engineer influences on my brain to feel "the right way" that you think women should feel then I will eventually do that it's just a matter of time.

Men get harassed. This is a thing that happens. What specific thing can TW experience that only women experience

Men don't get harassed on the basis of being women. We do. Men don't know I'm trans when they harass me, or talk over me at work. These are all things that my women coworkers also go through.

Men don't even have solidarity with each other, they don't need to; they certainly don't have solidarity with trans women. They either treat us as freaks or tools to fuck or laugh at. I am not a freak or a tool and I relate to the thousands of women before me who have been treated that way.

You choose not to. You can literally opt out of being treated like a woman if you admit you aren’t one. I get why you won’t, but you have that option. Women don’t.

I choose not to because I shouldn't have to be a man to escape shitty treatment, that shitty treatment is exactly the problem! And you do have that option, but I get why you won't. You shouldn't have to. Yeah, trans men do not escape all misogyny, especially medical, but it does lessen one's exposure from what I've heard talking to them.

influx of people siding with you has already passed. That’s proven by the statistic I referenced and others that show a decline annually.

Well trans people are not going away, I don't know exactly what you hope to accomplish. If I'm going to get thrown in jail for taking hrt or wearing a bra someday then it'd be pretty clear to me who's in the right and wrong.

There's no combination of words I could possibly type that would ever prove it to you. It's pointless for me to try. I could change every cell and structure in my body and I'd still have some "male essence" according to y'all. There are women as steadfast in their beliefs as I am in line. You don't call them stereotypically male, you wouldn't ask them to prove to you that say, male violence is bad. I know myself.

Unless you don’t actually pass as well as you think you do.

I pass to nearly everyone except myself. That's just how it is because I'm usually incapable of seeing myself in a positive light. I'm only confident because of what others tell me and the lack of any incident.

inability of trans people to prove the things they claim.

We just don't operate in the same framework at all. I cannot and will not define myself by my biology or sex, you seemingly cannot or will not define me by my social experiences.

Pee where ever else you have to to do that.

There is nowhere else...

Tell the little boy I referenced that safety and comfort are subjective, then

No, I'll tell her she should do what makes her comfortable.

Why should his feelings outweigh the feelings of multiple girls in his school?

No one's feelings outweigh anyone else's, it is everyone's choice what bathroom they want to use or not use. if people don't want to use the same bathroom as a trans person, that is for them to figure out.

Who made it the way it is

I know representation is not always the best but I'd hope that the committee decided was at least half women...and the committee or organization that decide are experts, it's their job to dictate to people who are not as knowledgeable. I'm not knowledgeable or neither are you so idk why we should be on the panel making the rules.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Well trans people are not going away, I don't know exactly what you hope to accomplish. If I'm going to get thrown in jail for taking hrt or wearing a bra someday then it'd be pretty clear to me who's in the right and wrong.

No one is saying trans people to go away. Women are saying that we don't want males in female spaces and sports no matter how the males claim to identify and no matter what alterations males have made to their bodies and appearance.

It's not personal. Most of us have male friends and relatives we love dearly. Some of us have male children. But we still don't want even the males we love and trust- and we know wouldn't hurt a fly or behave like pervs and predators - in women's spaces and sports.

In certain women's spaces like restrooms, locker rooms, fitting rooms, breastfeeding lounges, women's homeless shelters, some prisons, etc exception is made for male infants and young boys who are in the company of their mothers or other female carers. But even there we draw a very strict line. The fact that women and girls don't want to have to deal with our intimate bodily needs and get undressed in front of our male friends and with our tween, teen and adult sons, our fathers, uncles, fathers-in-law etc doesn't mean we hate them.

And in some cases, there is no allowance even for very young boys. We don't allow boys who are not as good as other boys in male sports to play girls' sports. Or we didn't used to until males very recently started using gender identity claims to invade and dominate in girls' and women's sports.

And please enough with the drama. No one is going to throw you in jail for taking exogenous hormones or wearing a bra.

The underlying issue here is that you seem to be unable to deal with women saying "no" to you. You think women saying "no" is the same as us saying we hate you. You interpret women setting boundaries as an expression of personal animus directed at you.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

You know what? It’s been explained so many times by multiple women and you just can’t listen because it’s not what you want to hear. It takes being a female. You’re not a female. It’s super fucking simple. Women who don’t or can’t menstruate can’t for a reason and all women understand the fear of a missed period or concern of not having ever gotten a period because we are supposed to menstruate. It means something is going on with our bodies. Something usually tied directly to being female. You don’t get your period because you’re a man. That’s not a thing women can relate to. No woman doesn’t get a period because she’s a man. You will never know what it is to be a female and fortunately for you you will never know how fucking insulting all of your comments are to women. Stop trying to force yourself into womanhood. you can’t, and it makes you seem grossly misogynistic and shows how little you truly understand anything about women. Stop. Please. Goddamn. I’d never try to speak on what it means to be trans because it’s not something I understand. But somehow a TW can know what it means to be a woman? It’s ridiculous.

Again, men get harassed. By other men.or women. They get talked over. By other men. Or women. Women aren’t women because we get harassed or talked over by men. Are the women who talk over other women or even harass other women now men? You make no sense and you sound desperate as fuck. Nobody is a woman or a man based on whether they get harassed or do the harassing.

Trans people can stay I don’t give a fuck just leave everyone else and female spaces alone. Use whatever false language you want to and express whatever misogynistic views you obviously believe- just leave everyone else and female spaces the fuck alone because if other TW think like you I don’t want them anywhere near me ever.

There is nothing you can do or say to not make you an obvious man with an obviously male mentality, no there isnt. When you can change your cells and gametes and chromosomes and organs and skeleton and brain to have none of those things indicate you’re male then sure you’ll be a woman. Nothing less will work. You will be a man LARPing as a woman until then. That’s just how it be.

Even if you do pass the things you say probably give you away if you talk irl the way you type here.

I don’t need you to prove male violence is bad it just has nothing to do with being a woman. And it’s not your views on male violence that show your obvious male way of thinking. The male violence stuff just seems like you grasping at straws.

You don’t have a framework. You base your womanhood on your narcissism and dysphoria. I base your lack of womanhood on biology and reality.

If there’s nowhere else you should still leave female spaces the fuck alone because you’re actually kind of creepy despite saying that you’re safe for us to be forced to share spaces with. Seriously I can’t imagine invading a space where I know I’m not wanted and that I know makes others uncomfortable. Especially a space not meant for me in the first place. Let alone doing it routinely. Jesus. I can’t imagine telling a group of people who have nothing in common with me thst just because I want it so badly, I’m a part of that group. So fucking invasive and disrespectful.

Of course you’d tell a little boy that his feelings matter more than little girls. Male solidarity and what not lol

You can’t say in one sentence that no one’s feelings matter more than another’s after saying you’d tell that boy that he should disregard all the girls at his school lol. Hypocrite much?

I am knowledgeable lmao. And lia is a manly man who looks and is built like the man he is so he shouldn’t have been allowed if women have equality.

I honestly have to end this particular thread because you’re too much here. I can only deal with so much misogyny from a male claiming to be a woman before I get rude and frustrated so I’m backing off. It’s truly equal parts hilarious and terrifying that someone who thinks like this thinks they’re a woman.