GC: How would you react if you saw a trans woman in the women's restroom?

submitted by GenderbenderShe/her/hers from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]Juniperius 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

When I'm 37 can I say I'm a woman then?

No.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It just seems incredibly backwards to insist that someone is forever whatever they were in childhood and people cannot ever change. I'm going to continue to believe in change, I guess.

[–]Juniperius 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Look, I'd love to go back in time and undo the trauma I experienced as a child that has had certain difficult effects on my life. I just can't. I can grow and heal myself to a degree, but I can't ever be the person I would have been if it hadn't happened. It has had permanent effects on my nervous system and my ability to attach healthily in relationships. I can develop workarounds, that's all.

I also can't be, say, the world's best gymnast, or best violinist. It's just too late. Even if I had had the potential for that, I would have had to start training when I was very young. I can't go back to when I was like, five and start learning the Suzuki method.

And you can't go back in time to when you were an egg and select an x-sperm instead of a y-sperm. Time goes one way, that's all there really is to it.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Sending a virtual hug for all of that <3...

I mean that's what I'm doing too, developing workarounds. I'd still like to erase all my childhood memories and forget I was ever amab or abused someday, but I will settle for what I can do right now. I kinda have to, it's this or nothing.

I've felt like it's too late for me since I was really young. But even if we can't be the best we want to be, we can at least try and find solace in the little things, you know? Even if you can't be the best violinist you could still play and get value out of that I guess. Even if I can't actually be female I still get by a lot easier by transitioning

[–]Juniperius 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Not to derail into a discussion of trauma, because my point in the previous comment is just that some things can't be changed, but: a major aspect of dealing with trauma is not making it other people's problem. Like, I'm probably just past the developmental stage where I could have learned secure attachment, so I'm probably always going to have fear of abandonment and so forth. But through the internal work I do, I'm able to decrease the amount that I hurt other people and blame it on trauma. This seems like the opposite of what you're trying to accomplish by transitioning. It seems like you're just trying to feel better yourself at any cost to others.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Tbf you don't really know how much I stress out about literally everything x( I empathize with the fear of abandonment and not wanting to make something someone else's problem. That's exactly why I don't want to tell people except in controlled situations (i.e on the internet). Idk most ppl who actually know me like exes or even people on this sub I've known for years will tell you I'm a nervous wreck. In transitioning I am trying to take my life and biology into my own hands and I've partially done so. It's great! I just feel stuck because I was born too early for some things. I'll probably never have kids, etc