QT: Do you regret any part of your medical transition?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Hmm, for me this is like saying "I understand you like oranges, but if you didn't like oranges, how would you feel about eating one?"

Transition/surgery is a solution to a specific problem I had. If that problem did not exist, I would not need the solution? For me, there is no "reconciliation", there is no time I wanted my breasts. I remember wanting to scrape them off with a wood rasp from the moment they grew in 20+ years ago. So I benefited from having them removed.

If having breasts felt "right", I would absolutely have kept them, for sure. Is that what you're asking?

If you're asking "What if you woke up tomorrow and suddenly wished you had breasts?" I guess... if that happened, I would regret not having them. Luckily, it hasn't happened and it's been almost a decade, so I don't think it's likely in my case.

[–]worried19[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

For me, there is no "reconciliation", there is no time I wanted my breasts. I remember wanting to scrape them off with a wood rasp from the moment they grew in 20+ years ago.

I never wanted mine either. I think a lot of people don't. But they just grew there, and after a period of alarm, I got used to them. There really wasn't any choice. Do you think there was ever a chance you could have become reconciled to them? Like if you'd been alone on a desert island, do you think your breasts would still have been a cause for hatred? I wonder about the origins of intense dysphoria.

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I got used to them. There really wasn't any choice.

I'm glad you were able to! I never did. I think that's kind of what dysphoria is - an inability to just "get over it". Even in my 30's, they were an active distraction, for me. They felt actively in my way, it hurt when I ran, they got in the way (I almost tore off a nipple army-crawling during Tough Mudder ;_;) , they made it uncomfortable to lay on my chest or cuddle with my partner ect ect. And while I'm sure there are many women who have thoughts like this, my thoughts like this were persistent enough that it was disruptive for me. Luckily, for me, surgery was a choice, and luckily it was the right one (for me).

I'm only speaking for myself, obvs - I don't personally have a lot of personal investment in the sanctity of the "natural human body". My body is just the vehicle that I drive around and experience the world through. I've just altered my vehicle to something that I like better.

Do you think there was ever a chance you could have become reconciled to them? Like if you'd been alone on a desert island, do you think your breasts would still have been a cause for hatred?

I don't hate them "because" they're breasts, I just hate the way they feel and look on my own body. Not just because people were focusing on a very "female" feature when they focus on them, but also because they were uncomfortable and I didn't like they way the looked or felt.

I think it's possible, or even probable, that if I had been very flat-chested (instead of a heavy C cup), I probably wouldn't have felt the need for surgery, as my chest would have been flat already. That probably would have been ideal, it's not like "having surgery" was the goal. If there was a pill I could take that would shrink them in another way I'd have been happy to explore that.

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't hate them "because" they're breasts, I just hate the way they feel and look on my own body. Not just because people were focusing on a very "female" feature when they focus on them, but also because they were uncomfortable and I didn't like they way the looked or felt.

But surely that's connected with them being a female secondary sex characteristic, given the other steps you've taken to transition? Most natal female people if they have large, uncomfortable breasts have a breast reduction, they don't remove them from their body entirely.

I don't personally have a lot of personal investment in the sanctity of the "natural human body".

Not everyone does, of course. I don't think I have that much personal investment in it. But at the same time, human bodies are not like legos. You can't just break off pieces willy nilly. There should be some ethical and health consideration for what you're doing. Not saying a double mastectomy is definitely off limits. Some women have them to reduce the risk of breast cancer, like Angelina Jolie did. In the end, adults can make their own decisions, but I also think the medical establishment should adhere to certain standards.