QT: Do you regret any part of your medical transition?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]Gravel_Roads 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

I had top surgery. I don't regret it, so I'm not sure if my sort of answer would help.

Weirdly, as soon as it was done it was hard to remember what it felt like to not have a flat chest. I don't know if it's just a natural body mapping since we don't really have a lot of articulation/use of that area, so there isn't much sensory change to adjust to, but I didn't experience any "phantom tits" or experience any obstacles in recovery. I don't even have them in my dreams.

I transitioned later in life, around 30, and for me the changes have all been for the better. I don't think dysphoria is very well represented, as it's not an "emotional instability", it doesn't on its own cause suicidal ideation. It just makes it hard to look down at your body and understand why it is socially/culturally defined by terms that, (for me) literally don't make sense. So I felt like I'd just been issued the wrong rental car, but it could still drive and I had places to be, so I treated my life/existence as one might play a randomly generated RPG character assigned to them. And I did "okay"? I found body mods helped me feel connected to and in control of my body, and I was always extremely GNC and bisexual (it felt, for me, all connected - I didn't know why bodies had to be man/woman, why sexuality had to be oriented to man/woman, why my clothes and hair and presentation had to be man/woman ect. The more "pick and mix" I could be, the happier I was.)

But it SUCKED, because I still didn't feel right. Dating was impossible because I resented people being attracted to my female features; no matter how sweet or kind or attractive or fun or confident or how much I liked my partners, it would take me out of it immediately if they wanted to caress my hip or touch my breasts. I had a hard time seeing doctors because my body always seemed wrong, and when it was sick or injured it felt like it was natural to be sick or injured, because I didn't feel healthy in it.

Transitioning was the first time in my adult life I began to take my health care seriously. I don't know if it was specific transition to male, or just departure from rigidly being "female", but it's been easier to love my body now that it's shaped this way. I see dentists and I get vaccinations, I have a primary care physician. I'm able to focus on work more and be more productive. I also have been able to get more out of my own head and develop more empathy for others, because I'm not just angry at how I'm being seeing by others. Because I changed it.

So for me, it was an absolute improvement. But I will say very clearly that it was only part of the process, and the surgery in and of itself would not likely have done anything for me if I hadn't already spent a lot of time thinking about it and processing my other issues alongside it.

Transition isn't the destination. It's just a route one takes to change their life. Ideally, once it's changed you don't think about it much, because the change has become the new reality. But for me, that new reality is much easier to navigate than the old one.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I'm glad you've found some peace in your life. If you ever reconciled with your body as it used to be, or if for some reason it eventually felt 'right', how do you think you would feel then? (also, welcome! 🙂)

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Hmm, for me this is like saying "I understand you like oranges, but if you didn't like oranges, how would you feel about eating one?"

Transition/surgery is a solution to a specific problem I had. If that problem did not exist, I would not need the solution? For me, there is no "reconciliation", there is no time I wanted my breasts. I remember wanting to scrape them off with a wood rasp from the moment they grew in 20+ years ago. So I benefited from having them removed.

If having breasts felt "right", I would absolutely have kept them, for sure. Is that what you're asking?

If you're asking "What if you woke up tomorrow and suddenly wished you had breasts?" I guess... if that happened, I would regret not having them. Luckily, it hasn't happened and it's been almost a decade, so I don't think it's likely in my case.

[–]adungitit 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

there is no time I wanted my breasts.

This is such a strange argument to me and I see it a lot. I never wanted white skin, or blue eyes or those back dimples. But I have them. No-one ever asked me if I wanted these things, no-one ever cared how I felt about them, no one cares if I cry over them or jump from joy. I wasn't given a list before being born to check which traits I want. I couldn't "want" to be taller, hairier, stronger. These are simply the cards I have been dealt and there hasn't been one moment ever where my wishes or feelings factored into them.

I notice that a lot of people on the trans (rights) side seem to think women love being women, that they get euphoric from having breasts, they get overjoyed from being female. From a patriarchal and liberal feminist standpoint, this makes sense: there is a ridiculous amount of focus in society placed on sexualising women's bodies through the male gaze and for male satisfaction, and even "progressive" movements selling this as female empowerment and liberation. The image is painted of a sexy, very confident half-naked woman who's in control of her (male-gaze pandering) sexuality.

In practice however, anxieties over one's body and a lifetime of endured objectification, self-hatred and sexual dysfunction are very common in women. In my experience, they're so common that I no longer believe any woman who tries to paint a picture of a woman overjoyed by these things. It's like asking me to believe that your average Muslim woman really did choose her subhuman god-given role. No matter how euphoric it makes her, I'm not going to buy it when we know from history how genuine this contentment with one's oppression is.

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

No-one ever asked me if I wanted these things, no-one ever cared how I felt about them, no one cares if I cry over them or jump from joy.

I... don't understand what this has to do with what I said, though. I got rid of something I didn't want. Now that it's gone, I am happier than I was to have it. So for me, I was solving a very basic problem with a very basic solution. Whether or not someone "cares" if I "cry over it" is irrelevant; that wouldn't have solved the problem one way or another.

These are simply the cards I have been dealt and there hasn't been one moment ever where my wishes or feelings factored into them.

Right, but in my case, my wishes and feelings were factored for. I'm not saying my solution would resolve any issues you may have with your own body, but my wishes and feelings very much were consulted in regards for the decisions I made for my own body.

I notice that a lot of people on the trans (rights) side seem to think women love being women, that they get euphoric from having breasts, they get overjoyed from being female.

??? I... don't think any of this. I assume women are a diverse population who probably each have a unique relationship with their own bodies. I don't speak for any of them. I didn't remove my breasts based on how women feel about breasts, I had my breasts removed based on how I felt about my own breasts.

If anything, I agree that women aren't poorly represented as 3-dimensional beings.

In practice however, anxieties over one's body and a lifetime of endured objectification, self-hatred and sexual dysfunction are very common in women. In my experience, they're so common that I no longer believe any woman who tries to paint a picture of a woman overjoyed by these things. It's like asking me to believe that your average Muslim woman really did choose her subhuman god-given role. No matter how euphoric it makes her, I'm not going to buy it when we know from history how genuine this contentment with one's oppression is.

None of this has anything to do with the topic, though? Again, I don't assume anything about women. If you're just taking the moment to get this off your chest, that's fine, scream it to the heavens, cuz it's a good thing to be mad about. I'm not telling you not to care about these things, women are worth fighting for.

But I'm still happier to have had my breasts removed. It's probably hyperbolic to call it 'euphoria', in the way one might say "I'm STARVING" if they're honestly just "hungry", but the relief I feel to not have breasts is very real. I don't hate my body. I love it. I love it more now that I've changed it. So, for me, it's not a dysfunction because it improved my life. It has nothing to do with presuming the thoughts of women, or how they "should" feel about their experiences. That's a much bigger conversation for women to have with themselves.

[–]adungitit 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I got rid of something I didn't want. Now that it's gone, I am happier than I was to have it. So for me, I was solving a very basic problem with a very basic solution.

The issue is that amputating body parts that are perceived as shameful or wrong etc. in a society constantly sending women these messages shouldn't be the solution, even if it seems "simple". It's also incredibly simple for people with body integrity dysphoria to amputate their limbs, or for gay people to stay in the closet. A solution being simple isn't the best for that reason, especially in lieu of mental illness or trauma.

Whether or not someone "cares" if I "cry over it" is irrelevant; that wouldn't have solved the problem one way or another.

That's very debatable. I do believe that if women were not hated and treated as subhuman to such a degree, that they wouldn't have to reach for these surgeries, medication and various misogynistic ideologies that promise male approval in order to fix what isn't actually the problem. I can't fault women for getting these procedures done and falling for these ideologies because being seen as a woman sucks and everyone knows it. But women seeing themselves as the problem for being female and ironically being convinced they're unique in the world for it, never changed anything. Amputating perfectly healthy and normal body parts, as well as other unnecessary procedures that come in the same package, should never be seen as a "simple solution".

??? I... don't think any of this. I assume women are a diverse population who probably each have a unique relationship with their own bodies. I don't speak for any of them.

This seems like another trend in the trans (rights) community: pretending that all those women are sooo impossible to understand and that surely said misunderstanding must be validation of one's non-womanness. I have lost count of the women who say they don't need feminism or the women who are not like other girls, and despite their indignation, I have not once been convinced by people shoving their heads in the sand regarding their physical reality because they don't want to hear it.

Again, no one in the universe asked any woman, regardless of which pronouns she uses or which surgeries she's gotten, how she feels about being female. The simple reality is that these were the cards we have been dealt. The fact that women deal differently with the realities of being female, and that surgeries and drugs exist, doesn't actually change the fact that they are female.

I didn't remove my breasts based on how women feel about breasts, I had my breasts removed based on how I felt about my own breasts.

Except you would literally have nothing to remove if you weren't in the same basket as all women who feel a certain way about their female bodies because they are female. So trying to pretend this is something that has nothing to do with you is like me trying to pretend that I don't understand English or that I don't have two feet. Remember, no-one cared how you felt about being female, nor did they care how I felt about it, nor that woman, nor that one. You didn't get VIP access to a character creator any more than any of us did. I'm not trying to be cruel here, but trans people have to understand that their wishes don't actually change reality and that self hatred or cosmetic surgeries aren't something unique to them. Your experience of hating being female and hating how your female body is treated is one that can only ever be experienced by a female person. The choice of modifying or amputating parts of one's female body via surgeries and medical procedures for whatever reason is one that can only be made by a female person. And pretending like all the other women wished their breasts into existence because they're sooo foreign and complicated isn't going to change that.

But I'm still happier to have had my breasts removed.

I honestly don't intend to debate whether or not you're happy. I have met people who were made happy by all sorts of things. Hell, cults and drugs have such power over people precisely because they make them happy and provide a simple alternative to a shitty reality. Men are happy having women as bang maids, and guess how much that changes my ideas on feminism? The simple fact is, I don't want an "easy fix" in the form of amputations, surgeries and a lifetime of an artificially induced hormonal imbalance just so one could avoid being treated like an object for having the gall to be born female. Again, I don't fault women for doing it, and it certainly seems better than enduring the "gender validating" shit that women are supposed to be made euphoric by, but I do fault the misogynistic ideologies and shoving one's head in the sand because we're supposed to already have "simple solutions". My issue isn't really with how happy you as one single individual are, my concern is with how the views I keep seeing trans people/supporters espouse keep feeding into this idea that women have an easy fix to misogyny through surgeries, medication or just plain ol' pretending and denial.

It's probably hyperbolic to call it 'euphoria'

But the fact that you can feel shame over your female body and euphoria over superficial modifications to your female biology is an experience only a woman can have. That's kind of the point. No amount of claiming that being female is something that doesn't concern you or that you supposedly don't understand erases reality because at the end of the day, none of us were asked about how we feel any more than you were.

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I feel like you're responding to what you've "heard TRA's say" instead of responding to what I have said. I'm not saying you can't argue with trans people if they say something stupid. You're not saying anything crazy, and there's nothing wrong with you having differing opinions about this. But every time you say "I've noticed the TRA's do _" or "All you trans people think _", it starts to feel like you're talking to someone behind me or something. Please try to remember there is no "Trans People Bible". I've met like... 2 other trans people in my life, and we didn't compare "ideological notes" to make sure we all have the same message.

(In the same way, I also assume that even though I've seen some GC people say crazy things, I don't assume you hold their worst opinions, y'know?)

The issue is that amputating body parts that are perceived as shameful or wrong etc. in a society constantly sending women these messages shouldn't be the solution, even if it seems "simple".

This is... a good example of what I'm talking about? I didn't have my breasts removed because it's socially "perceived as shameful or wrong" to have them. I'm not ashamed of having had them, and I certainly didn't remove them to "send a message to other women". For me, it is bizarre that a complete stranger would see me doing something with my own body and come away thinking "They had surgery to send a message to ME!" I didn't get surgery because I think "all women should remove their breasts and hate their bodies". I was thinking "it'd be great if these things weren't in the way anymore." And now that they aren't, I don't really think about them at all. There is no greater opinion about women at all. (If anything, I love breasts on women lol. I'm bi and have mostly dated women. Breasts are great. I just didn't personally want them).

This seems like another trend in the trans (rights) community: pretending that all those women are sooo impossible to understand and that surely said misunderstanding must be validation of one's non-womanness.

once again... noo? I didn't say "women are IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND" I said "I assume women are a diverse population who probably each have a unique relationship with their own bodies". As in "different women have different experiences". If it helps, I think men also differ in their experiences from person to person. I don't see what validation has to do with any of this, I don't think anything about me sets me apart from anyone else in this regard.

I have lost count of the women who say they don't need feminism or the women who are not like other girls, and despite their indignation, I have not once been convinced by people shoving their heads in the sand regarding their physical reality because they don't want to hear it.

Once again... none of this is in response to anything I've said, tho. I think the world very much needs feminism, and more personally my life would be a lot worse without it. So. Again. I'm fine with you wanting to argue with people who say such things, but you'll have an easier time actually taking it up with the people who actually say it. If the "physical reality" you're talking about is regarding me being female, I already know lol.

The simple reality is that these were the cards we have been dealt. The fact that women deal differently with the realities of being female, and that surgeries and drugs exist, doesn't actually change the fact that they are female.

Sure, I never said it didn't. I understand that you don't personally like that some females take drugs or have surgery to alter their bodies. But some determined females will do it all the same, and some of those who do don't regret it. Some will go on to successfully live as men in society. Whether adungitit or Gravel_Roads have opinions about it, positive or negative, is going to be irrelevant, since neither of us will likely ever interact with them or impact their lives.

Remember, no-one cared how you felt about being female, nor did they care how I felt about it, nor that woman, nor that one.

What's great is, I don't have to care whether they care :D! I'm not waiting for anyone to "care about how I feel about being female". That's for me to care about. And even if no one else cares in the entire world, I'm still going to care about myself, because I'm ultimately the one I have to face in the mirror every day.

You didn't get VIP access to a character creator any more than any of us did.

I can't change the fact that I am a genetic female, XX chromosomes. Luckily I don't have to interact with my literal chromosomes every day, so it doesn't affect my dysphoria. What I did have to deal with every day was the discomfort of having breasts. But I very obviously do have the ability to remove my breasts, so i did. So while I don't have a "VIP access to a character creator", I was able to go from being a "female with breasts" to a "female without breasts". So, factually speaking, I can change some things. And, for me, they were the most disruptive ones.

I'm not trying to be cruel here, but trans people have to understand that their wishes don't actually change reality and that self hatred or cosmetic surgeries aren't something unique to them.

I don't think you're being cruel. I just feel like you're projecting what you think about trans people onto me, instead of listening to what I'm saying. I'm not functioning on "wishes". I didn't "wish" to not have breasts, I just didn't want them so I had them removed. I don't "wish" to be a man, I've just been on T long enough that people treat me like one because I look like one. I've never once claimed anything about me was unique. People get cosmetic surgery all the time. Sometimes, it looks good enough that people assume it's natural. This applies to men and women equally, nothing special about me or trans people in general.

I honestly don't intend to debate whether or not you're happy. I have met people who were made happy by all sorts of things. Hell, cults and drugs have such power over people precisely because they make them happy and provide a simple alternative to a shitty reality.

I didn't transition to escape reality. I work with homeless populations, I see a lot of reality. I deal with overdoses, I break up fights, I've performed CPR on people who later died. I've seen some darkness, and I've seen some amazing, crusty beauty. My sex/gender doesn't really play a huge part in any of this, since no one gives a shit about gender when someone's bleeding from a stab wound.

I wouldn't personally compare what I do/have done with "being in a cult" or "struggling with addiction". But it's not like there's any laws saying you can't. I just disagree. It probably comes down to what you consider pro-social. If being transgender is, to you, inherently anti-social, there's not much else I can do but accept.

The simple fact is, I don't want an "easy fix" in the form of amputations, surgeries and a lifetime of an artificially induced hormonal imbalance

I mean... you're allowed to not want me to have removed my breasts, but your preferences for my body are going to obviously take second to my preferences about my own body.

My issue isn't really with how happy you as one single individual are, my concern is with how the views I keep seeing trans people/supporters espouse keep feeding into this idea that women have an easy fix to misogyny through surgeries, medication or just plain ol' pretending and denial.

Once again, I'm fine if you want to criticize people who think transition is an easy fix to escape misogyny. I don't think transition does much to escape misogyny, any more than someone in the closet is "escaping" homophobia. Anti-woman sentiment is harmful even when it's not aimed at an individual.

But the fact that you can feel shame over your female body and euphoria over superficial modifications to your female biology is an experience only a woman can have.

Disliking being born female is, indeed, something a person would have to be born female to experience. I don't consider being female shameful, though. Women are awesome. My mom was an old bra-burning hippy who loved the female body; her art was almost entirely centered around the female figure, and I still love her art to this day.

However, if by "euphoria over superficial modifications" you mean "are happy wit how the surgery turned out", I don't think that's a woman-only experience. Most people are pretty happy when they have successful surgery that accomplishes its goal.

at the end of the day, none of us were asked about how we feel any more than you were.

I never claimed otherwise. What does people "asking me" about it have to do with anything? I'm not waiting for anyone to ask me anything. Even if no one ever "asks me", they aren't obligated to. I am a creature of agency and I am responsible for solving my own problems. You said something earlier with....

No-one ever asked me if I wanted these things, no-one ever cared how I felt about them, no one cares if I cry over them or jump from joy.

And my answer is still the same: Whether or not someone "cares" if I "cry over it" is irrelevant. I don't live my life based on what other people are doing, or asking, or caring about. I base my life off what I want to do with my life and my body.

[–]worried19[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

For me, there is no "reconciliation", there is no time I wanted my breasts. I remember wanting to scrape them off with a wood rasp from the moment they grew in 20+ years ago.

I never wanted mine either. I think a lot of people don't. But they just grew there, and after a period of alarm, I got used to them. There really wasn't any choice. Do you think there was ever a chance you could have become reconciled to them? Like if you'd been alone on a desert island, do you think your breasts would still have been a cause for hatred? I wonder about the origins of intense dysphoria.

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I got used to them. There really wasn't any choice.

I'm glad you were able to! I never did. I think that's kind of what dysphoria is - an inability to just "get over it". Even in my 30's, they were an active distraction, for me. They felt actively in my way, it hurt when I ran, they got in the way (I almost tore off a nipple army-crawling during Tough Mudder ;_;) , they made it uncomfortable to lay on my chest or cuddle with my partner ect ect. And while I'm sure there are many women who have thoughts like this, my thoughts like this were persistent enough that it was disruptive for me. Luckily, for me, surgery was a choice, and luckily it was the right one (for me).

I'm only speaking for myself, obvs - I don't personally have a lot of personal investment in the sanctity of the "natural human body". My body is just the vehicle that I drive around and experience the world through. I've just altered my vehicle to something that I like better.

Do you think there was ever a chance you could have become reconciled to them? Like if you'd been alone on a desert island, do you think your breasts would still have been a cause for hatred?

I don't hate them "because" they're breasts, I just hate the way they feel and look on my own body. Not just because people were focusing on a very "female" feature when they focus on them, but also because they were uncomfortable and I didn't like they way the looked or felt.

I think it's possible, or even probable, that if I had been very flat-chested (instead of a heavy C cup), I probably wouldn't have felt the need for surgery, as my chest would have been flat already. That probably would have been ideal, it's not like "having surgery" was the goal. If there was a pill I could take that would shrink them in another way I'd have been happy to explore that.

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't hate them "because" they're breasts, I just hate the way they feel and look on my own body. Not just because people were focusing on a very "female" feature when they focus on them, but also because they were uncomfortable and I didn't like they way the looked or felt.

But surely that's connected with them being a female secondary sex characteristic, given the other steps you've taken to transition? Most natal female people if they have large, uncomfortable breasts have a breast reduction, they don't remove them from their body entirely.

I don't personally have a lot of personal investment in the sanctity of the "natural human body".

Not everyone does, of course. I don't think I have that much personal investment in it. But at the same time, human bodies are not like legos. You can't just break off pieces willy nilly. There should be some ethical and health consideration for what you're doing. Not saying a double mastectomy is definitely off limits. Some women have them to reduce the risk of breast cancer, like Angelina Jolie did. In the end, adults can make their own decisions, but I also think the medical establishment should adhere to certain standards.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It is a bit of a weird question, huh? I guess one of the reasons I ask is because of the paradox of having relief, so it's not a problem, and thinking about things after experiencing relief, like thinking about the problem when it's not a problem anymore. I can relate to your feelings of even immediately post-op having difficulty remembering even what things originally 'intact' felt like, and not experiencing phantom sensations or anything like that (other than weird nerve 'zaps'), but then if I think about the context and what it took to arrive at that feeling and now knowing what that feeling is like, it can be a bit much for me.

I guess I am kind of asking how much and what you do think about it now that you don't think about it! 😂 I'm sorry if I'm not making sense

[–]Gravel_Roads 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I think this is probably one of those YMMV situations. I, as an individual, am not inclined to I guess what you'd loosely call "trauma". I have a high pain tolerance, I work in a fast paced and kind of dangerous job (I'm a night shift counselor at a homeless shelter), and I can deal with over-doses and fires and mental breaks, and still laugh with my coworkers over coffee at the end of the day. So I don't feel a lot of regret or trauma in general.

But I think there's something to be said about the toll surgery is at all. I think surgery is inherently traumatic, and more people probably experience PTSD from it than people really talk about. Humans are hard-wired to want to avoid doing things that will permanently make a problem worse, so it's not unreasonable to revisit this question "was it worth it, or did I make things worse?" Sadly, we can only answer this for ourselves. It was for me. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to digest what you've been through, which is all we can do, really. This stuff is complicated.I wish you all the luck.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It sounds like that isn't a question you revisit much, if at all ('was it worth it, or did I make things worse?'). That isn't so much something I really ever ask myself, but I'm more bitter about things not having to have been this way and the gold standard solutions to severe gender dysphoria be limited to surgeries, especially irreversible ones.

It seems like there's a cure and even ways to prevent gender dysphoria or transsexualism from ever happening to begin with, and they seem more tangible the more being trans seems less inherent or in-born, and more a result from an interplay of a lot of different factors for everyone who experiences those things. If I look at surgery as correcting a birth defect, I feel better about it than if I look at surgery as treatment that alleviates symptoms to the point where one might not experience them at all, but not as the cure.

It is quite complicated though, I completely agree. That's why I like to keep digging, there's always so much to learn! Thank you for the well wishes, too, I wish the same for you!

If you're sticking around a bit, I'm curious, and I apologize if this is too personal--of course, don't answer if you prefer not to, but do you attend therapy currently? I just ask because you are a counselor and because I'm just curious to know how much you might delve into those sorts of things--again, sorry, just really curious!!

[–]Gravel_Roads 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It sounds like that isn't a question you revisit much, if at all

I mean, it's been many years! I go most days, even weeks without thinking about my transition at all, surgery or otherwise. I thought about it a lot more when it was actively going on. Now that I'm healed, I just feel normal. I don't personally think of the procedure as a "gold standard" so much as the option that suited best what I wanted.

I'll put it this way: more recently, I had a kitchen accident and cut 3 tendons in my hand. I had to have surgery to reattach them. They were only able to reattach 2 of the 3. It took a few years of physical therapy, but I've regained full strength in the hand, and I can even rock climb again, but that hand still can't make a fist. I think way more about that surgery than I do top surgery, because it affects me more every day. I think a lot about whether I should have a follow up surgery to try and regain more use of my fist, weighed against another couple years of PT and further trauma from surgery. That 'will it be worth it, or will it make things worse' is focused on a situation that is still in (lol) "transition".

do you attend therapy currently?

Not at the moment, but I have a very robust support network. My coworkers and I tend to check in with each other and proactively offer help to one another, and I have a long-term partner who've I've known for over 20 years. I like my life, and I'm happy. If that changed, I'm not opposed to seeing a shrink or anything. But like I said, I'm pretty even keeled.

[–]adungitit 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It seems like there's a cure and even ways to prevent gender dysphoria or transsexualism from ever happening to begin with

One thing that often gets overlooked about this (because both GC and QT know they have to ultimately appeal to misogynistic men if they're to keep their numbers up) is the role that society plays in all this. You can tell a person to just be themselves all you want, but when society treats them like crap for it, ofc they're going to pick the value system that doesn't do that over a lifetime of being told they're wrong (also why women defend femininity despite how obviously damaging it is to their well-being. Well, that and a lifetime of mass 24/7 brainwashing to put men's needs first). Difficulties with gender are going to exist in different intensities as long as we place so much value into genderist beliefs, so the only real way to fix it is to take on genderism as a concept straight on for its anti-humanist ideals. This however, would get GC's conservative women and especially their boyfriends pissy, and meanwhile QT has already legitimised gender as something so crucial to one's identity that it can literally make people suicide if not respected and played to. As such, genderism always has to be presented as a "preference" regardless of how many mental issues and tragedies it keeps causing, a preference that a minority of weirdos simply didn't get up to speed with, but one that is great and peachy otherwise and how the world should be. Trans people are an extreme case, but there have always existed many more people who are unhappy with these expectations, and far more who are unhappy, but don't realise why or don't dare to put a finger on it because it's easier and more sensible according to the existing value system to redirect all the blame and related trauma onto women.

GC likes to pretend there's some plague of "genderism" that's only started with the trans rights movement. In reality most people are fully on board with genderism, which is why we live in a patriarchal society, it's just the rigidity of it that people disagree on. Conservatives force people into cages so the proper world order can be preserved. Liberals want to maintain the cages because they help men feel superior and/or hornier, but in view of the trauma and anxiety said cages cause, liberals kindly allow people to choose which cage looks the shiniest according to everyone's super special unique snowflake preferences. Both believe in the natural patriarchal order and both put copious amounts of effort into prettying it up so people who derive their worth from it can sleep better at night.

There is a lot of talk about girls being pressured into surgeries, feeling ashamed of their physiology and pretending they're not female for respectability, but these things were a part of girls' experiences long before the trans craze took over, because all of them originate from the same pressures. Girls who openly hate being seen through pornified and subhuman lens that they are inevitably viewed through are still going to feel these feelings. Girls who claim they like being seen through these lens are still going to be saddled with mountains of anxieties, trauma and lower standards compared to men directly resulting from these expectations. And the ones who have internalised self-hatred to the point of getting amputations and maintaining a lifetime of an artificially induced hormonal imbalance are not suddenly going to be cured, just as any other girl wasn't. You can't end trauma and mental illnesses resulting from genderism without tackling genderism, not just as a "preference" or a special cage for special people, but as a toxic, damaging system it is.