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QT: Why do you care so much if other people believe your chosen "identities"?

submitted by BiologyIsReal from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Perhaps this isn't what you are referring to, and I do sincerely apologize if it isn't, but it's so important to me that others see me as a woman so I can blend in and not be harassed like effeminate gay men are in my experience. It is mostly about practicality--and this is mostly referring to strangers or anyone who doesn't know my history. I don't really care if people who know my history see me as a woman or not, because that's never really been an issue. I was generally treated poorly when I was a young adult prior to transitioning, just a continuation of how I had always been treated, so that's what my mind snaps back to and I get a bit panic-y at the thought of being perceived as a man by everyone.

Additionally, I think before it was also so important to me that people see me as female due to the nature of my condition and delusion (I know the sub discourages using that word, and I am really sorry if that bothers anyone, I can change/delete it if it's inappropriate or too hurtful--but that is how I've come to understand this condition for myself, I am not suggesting at all that trans people are delusional, just me). Believing I was, and later that I was supposed to be the opposite sex played such a big role in how my personality developed that I literally felt crazy living with a body that didn't develop correctly (as I saw it). It doesn't feel good to feel crazy, like you are genuinely insane, so being read and acknowledged as a female made me feel better because it made me feel less crazy, like living this way seemed 'correct'.

[–]BiologyIsReal[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No need to apologize. Although that was not exactly what I was talking about. I get the practicality of "passing" to avoid being hurt even if I disagree with this strategy. I was thinking more about things like the so called "inclusive language" and other things everyone is forced to accept even if nobody really believes it like "sex is a spectrum" or "you can only know someone's sex by looking at their genitals".

We're suppused to believe all that stuff is for trans idenitified people wellbeing even if those things have nothing to do with safety.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well, thank you, I sort of suspected but thought I'd share as a QT substitute 😅

That said, it almost seems like it's an issue about being reminded of one's reality, having a lack of control, or maybe both. For some, perhaps transition is an expression of someone trying to control their life, or something/someone in their life, and every facet of the whole experience is about some attempt at control of some kind. One really would have control over their transition up to the point of having to interact with others, which is where the problem seems to be for some people.

And I do believe more and more that a root issue shared by everyone who does transition, and why there are more and more people who are doing so or being subjected to medical, legal, social and psychological interventions in the name of identity affirmation, is an intolerance to one's reality, or just reality itself. Transition can provide an escape of sorts from reality, and not having one's identity affirmed brings people back to a reality that they find intolerable. I'm not sure if that's accurate, maybe that's just extrapolating or projecting from my own experience, but I suspect it to be at least somewhat true for others where identity would matter (excluding people I think don't really care for themselves, and rather just want to be supportive to those who do)

[–]BiologyIsReal[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, you were the only who answered me, so thanks!

Yes, I think the issue lies in that they are trying to escape reality, but other people don't following the official script reminds them of it. So, they have decided they need to control other people thoughts in order to keep escaping it. There were plenty of people who were willing to tell some polite lies at the begining, likely thinking that it will end there. However, they kept making more and more demands and now even some people who were fine in geting along with this are getting tired of it. The more TRA keep pushing their demands, the more other people will pushback, something than TRA will interpret as a rise in "transphobia" and they will make even more demands and so on and so on. And well, this is going to sound harsh, but if so many people have a problem with your behaviour, maybe it's time to ask yourself if you aren't the one with the problem.