wouldn’t at least some trans people actually be well-adjusted in their identities because there wouldn’t be a big gap between a “real self” and reality?

I'm confused coz I was talking about a gap between the real self (who/how you really think you are) & the ideal self (who/how you wish you were or feel you should be). It's the old is/ought dilemma. (BTW, the real self is not necessarily the entirely realistic self, either. Most of us have some distortions in our self-images. Males, for example, tend to see themselves as better looking & smarter than they are, whereas women do the opposite.)

It seems like if someone saw themselves a transsexual woman/man rather than a biological one maybe they wouldn’t feel that there was a gap,

I imagine the people who are "trans" with the healthiest sense of self are those who accept & admit their sex & acknowledge that they had mental health problems that caused them, for one reason or another, to decide to alter their appearance & behavior in order to conform the sex stereotypes associated with the opposite sex. Which sounds like what you have done.

But still as I see it, being secure in one's "identity" is different to being secure in one's sense of self. I think all this "I identify as" stuff is basically BS, especially as it's being done by kids & adolescents far younger & less mature than you.

Also, for most people adopting a trans "identity" still requires engaging in artifice & performance on a daily basis, it often includes outright lying, it requires constant monitoring of one's appearance & behavior so as to try to manage other people's impressions, & of course it necessitates embracing & hewing to rigid, regressive, constricting sex stereotypes - none of which IMHO is a solid foundation on which to base one's sense of self.

Also, doesn't it get exhausting? And, not to pry, but aren't worried about what will happen as you age? Aging really changes people's appearance & body shapes in all sorts of usually unflattering ways that make most of unhappy. Maybe being on female CSH will make a difference, but in my view it's going to be a lot harder for someone like Blaire White or Jazz Jennings to keep up the charade when Blaire & Jazz are 40 or 50. My fear is that life will just mean more & more surgical interventions & cosmetic procedures in pursuit of the unattainable.

One of the issues here is the language. I think trans-identified people of both sex es would be better off giving up the pretense that they are some new breed of women & men & think of themselves as persons of their own sex who choose to "present" themselves according to the sex stereotypes that sexist people associate with the opposite sex. Seems to me trans people put themselves in an impossible situation when they started insisting they are "trans women" & "trans men." They would have been far better off coming up with entirely new words, rather than appropriating & attempting to change the meanings of woman, man, boy, girl, male & female. Or sticking with the old term transvestite.

or people who are generally regarded as the opposite sex might not feel like there is a big gap either. It doesn’t mean anyone owes anyone treating them any particular way

The problem here is that one's sense of self is bound to be fragile & constantly shaken if it is based mainly or largely on how other people regard you (or how you think/imagine other people regard you) and how other people treat you (or again, how you think they are treating you).