All: Disclosure and Consent

submitted by loveSloaneDebate King from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]HeimdeklediROAR 1 insightful - 6 fun1 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 6 fun -  (15 children)

To say that you prefer certain kinds of genitalia and that anyone cis or trans who lacks that genitalia you’re not interested in.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

But you just said doing that was transphobic when superstraight did it.

[–]HeimdeklediROAR 1 insightful - 7 fun1 insightful - 6 fun2 insightful - 7 fun -  (13 children)

Yeah because super straight does it in a transphobic way

[–]shveya 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In which ways did you find their manner to be transphobic?

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

That you cannot describe despite it doing exactly what you want. What’s the non-transphobic way to say one is not interested in a relationship or sex with a transgender person if saying it directly is so awful?

[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I think we’re just supposed to lie…

That’s usually the answer, anyway

We lie and pretend publicly that we are open to sleeping with trans people because “of course we are they’re so valid”. And then if we end up actually confronted with this scenario we lie again. I guess pretend we aren’t single or something, just don’t tell them the truth because even if you do it gently it’s triggering and invalidating and now you’re a transphobe 🤷‍♀️

Maybe tell them you’re trans yourself, idk

[–]Juniperius 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

Maybe tell them you’re trans yourself, idk

Ooh, good idea! If you're a pre-everything gay transman whose dysphoria would be triggered by intimacy with other trans people, then I think you're allowed to have boundaries.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That and dating another trans person isn’t validating

[–]VioletRemihomosexual female (aka - lesbian) 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

By the stories of young transmen and many detransitionares - it is not the case, needs and wants of transmen are often ignored if it will benefit transwomen. In general sex-based specifics in power relations are staying and transmen are receiving same treatment as women, while transwomen acting like selfish kind of men. Recently I saw video of "just starting detransition" lesbian, who started it when realized that she is being lied too and was dissapointed by her community - because she said "no" to transwoman, while was passing decently as man already, and was villified, at same time other transwoman said "no" to transwoman and everyone said it is fine. And in the end she did not felt that transition is helping her to escape misogyny and that her body even now is viewed as sexual object and "reward", and she is not seen as a human being, so she detransitioned.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

How weird to want everyone to lie to you and humour you like a child throwing a tantrum. It’s asking to be treated like they aren’t competent and emotionally developed adults.

[–]FlanJam 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

And lying is the safest option if you're unsure how they'll react. Or be vague, say something like "you're not my type" if you don't wanna lie.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

Lol How long before “you’re not my type” gets labeled as transphobic irl?

[–]FlanJam 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

True haha. They'll say its a "dog whistle" or something.

[–]Omina_SentenziosaSarcastic Ovalord 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Turning them down is already considered transphobic no matter the reason you give, because they automatically link a refusal with "I am trans and they don' t want to fuck me".

I don' t want to have sex with anyone female, I don' t want to have sex with anyone who claims to have a gender identity and preferred pronouns, I don' t want to have sex with anyone who has had body modification regarding their sexual characteristics, and I don' t want to have sex with anyone who puts their identification before their biological sex.

And I don' t care if those people don' t like that I tell them exactly the reason I turn them down. If that makes me transphobic, so be it.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree. I don’t think the word “transphobia” has any real value left.

Once not finding someone sexually desirable becomes bigotry, I don’t care about being called a bigot.

[–]Omina_SentenziosaSarcastic Ovalord 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Indeed. I mean, what am I supposed to do on the matter? Force myself to have sex with people I don' t want to have sex with so that I can prove I am not a bigot and make them happy?

I don' t care if they are happy or not, especially if my happiness has to die for their sake.

And if my refusal to have sex with someone comes indeed from bigotry, it' s not going to go away just because I force myself to spread my legs. In fact, I think it would become worse. I would still be a "bigot" because I would still not want to have sex with them, I would just do what is socially acceptable instead of what I want.

The only thing you need to ask yourself when someone propositions you is "do I want to?". If the answer is anything but an enthusiastic yes, then it' s a problem. I personally find disgusting all the people who scream "no means no" and then make exceptions for whatever minority they cheer for. I have seen the same fucking argument for HIV positive patients, that you are a bigot if you don' t want to have sex with them because what' s the matter, you just have to take medicines if you get AIDS, it' s not a big deal!

It' s insane.