All: Disclosure and Consent

submitted by loveSloaneDebate King from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It does seem tricky to date inside your work or social circles. It seems like what’s most fair to the other person in that scenario is such a risk for the trans person. But I still think it’s probably better to tell them before, because if they’ll out you just for finding out someone they were interested in is trans, I feel like they’d do the same or even more if they find out after a date or two. Basically I think if someone is going to react in a shitty way, they’re gonna react that way no matter when you tell them, and it may be worse if things go further than a casual flirt and exchange of numbers. So if someone is afraid of someone they know knowing, it’s safest to not risk dating them at all. Then again- you’d have missed out on your husband. Then again again- your husband obviously isn’t the type of guy who’d react badly lol

I hope that makes sense

As far as the married guy thing- I used that same example before I saw your comment. I don’t think I’d feel violated, but I would feel deceived and guilty (even though I’d have done nothing wrong).

But if I slept with a male I thought was female I would feel violated, I’d feel raped. I can’t word it well but I think they are similar situations in a lot of ways, but the sex aspect changes things so much to me.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Basically I think if someone is going to react in a shitty way, they’re gonna react that way no matter when you tell them, and it may be worse if things go further than a casual flirt and exchange of numbers. So if someone is afraid of someone they know knowing, it’s safest to not risk dating them at all.

That’d true, but I feel like you have to get to know someone to know sometimes though. You always the option to just break-up without telling them. If I had felt like my husband, after I got to know him better, was someone who would try to hurt me I had the choice to just break-up with him and not tell him. I didn’t have to allow it to go so far that I had to tell him. We weren’t jumping into bed immediately. 😛

[–]loveSloaneDebate King[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That’s fair, if you already know the person. I feel like someone could also probably casually start a convo about lgbt or the trans community and see how they react but you’d have to be slick to do that lol

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You probably could today without it seeming too weird! It used to not be talked about as much though.