Both: Are sexual stereotypes about men and women in the bedroom true?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I am the only person I know who is the opposite of the norm. And I'm not even sure if I count, because I completely lack any true sexual desire among various other oddities, and I'm male which should make that practically impossible. Not even any desire to date or crushes or anything.

Yes I do wish I was the opposite sex a lot in case you were wondering. Though I wonder if that's not simply because women objectively have it a whole lot better than men overall.

[–]worried19[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Would you describe yourself as asexual?

Though I wonder if that's not simply because women objectively have it a whole lot better than men overall.

It's really a matter of perspective, though. I hate being female. Some women would switch sexes in a heartbeat.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Would you describe yourself as asexual?

Yes.

It's really a matter of perspective, though. I hate being female. Some women would switch sexes in a heartbeat.

Probably the result of internalized misogyny and/or constantly hearing about "male privilege". Transitioners have wildly different stories to tell.

[–]worried19[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Some women are happy to transition and get that privilege. I used to "pass" as a boy growing up. I know what it's like to have people think you're male. I prefer it. Women are viewed as emotionally, intellectually, socially, and sexually inferior to men. I can't stand being seen like that.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

See I had the opposite experience. Everyone listened to and cared about the girls when I was young, but me and other boys were scolded for showing any dissent or problems whatsoever. If we couldn't handle it it was called "behavior issues" and needed to be dealt with via punishment or therapy, the exact same things that would get a girl coddled and given a treat to make her feel better. Most of them could mask it learning this, but us sensitive ones were always considered badly behaved. And it only got worse the older we got. The male exendability hypothesis has a lot of merit in my experience. The entire goal was to shape us boys into men who don't have lives of our own and only serve to defend and work for the tribe, and mate with and provide for women. The girls on the other hand were valued for merely existing. My body does this too, with puberty taking away all my previous talents and replacing them with the skills outlined above, whereas women experience barely any changes during puberty except breast growth and periods.

[–]worried19[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's why everyone is different. My impression was that boys were seen as the strong, brave ones, while girls were just considered "nice." I didn't want to be "nice." I wanted to be a protector and a warrior. I wanted to be expected to be brave and tough and willing to die for my family and my country. I didn't want people to consider me weak or a crybaby or too emotionally fragile to handle those situations.

By the way, female puberty and female biology in general is a lot harsher on the body and more involved than you're making out.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Female puberty is also very easily dealt with and mitigated, and if one wants to become male she basically can. The male changes cannot be treated in any meaningful way. I know women have it worse physically in some ways, but men have it worse in other ways (bulky structure, ugliness, etc). And the biggest thing everyone forgets is the internal mental state. Women basically get to retain the same cognitivity and mental functions they had before: lots of creativity, strong emotions, high intelligence, quick learning, high malleability, vibrant sense perception, basically everything good for self-actualization and pleasure. You have no idea what it feels like to lose all of that in becoming a man. We lose all our creativity and most of our intelligence, all the fun stuff, to boring motor skills and mating instincts. Our emotions go from strong to everything being monotone, even the best things that happen to us feel like nothing special. And we're always angry and on edge. Our sex drive is extremely annoying and nagging, and the pleasure we get from it is minimal and short-lived; and that's the most we're allowed anymore. Our brains become locked in on specific functions for the clan and we can't adapt our brains to anything else; we are the specialized droids, you are the defaults who can choose your own path. Our senses become dull in exchange for practical purposes, namely spotting prey or opponents. Basically our entire existence becomes about losing our individuality for the good of the clan we're in. And I have autism, meaning I have no sense of tribal loyalty or petty pride and glory to cope with it. I cannot do my special interests anymore, because my brain is deadlocked on skills for male tribal roles and doesn't give me any leeway or direction anymore. And even if I could, I can't enjoy them or feel them to anywhere near what it used to be. It's extremely depressing and there's not a fucking thing I can ever do about it, I'm wrecked for life. My life has been nothing but a drag ever since my mind started changing, everything to fight through and nothing to look forward to.

These days women are allowed to be warriors. Even if it's still not "taken seriously," it's at least not frowned upon and punished like a male choosing any path except the very specific one laid out for men to fulfill. So women could still have a slight disadvantage in very specific circumstances, but that does not undermine reverse sexism. We just don't care about sexism against men because of the Women Are Wonderful Effect and Male Expendability, so every little injustice against women is breaking news but something 10x worse happening to a man will get no sympathy. I don't think it's deliberate, it's just nature unfortunately, it's genetically hardwired behavior and instincts.