Both: Are sexual stereotypes about men and women in the bedroom true?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]theory_of_thisan actual straight crossdresser 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I suggested there might be a bimodal relationship with aggression in people. That might have a sexual element.

There is overlap in that. I don't think all of sexuality is about power at all. It is also about other things. Physical appeal, personal connection, there is also gendered aspects which are appealing to people that are not to do with power. But people are prone to erotic elements of power. On a large scale extremes will be more visible.

Is that black and white?

Do you think competitions for power are something humans are liable to do? That a sex element of that is something is humans might fall into but is something that should always be avoided?

I do think society can be better. But I think there are limits.

I don't think sexualizing masculinity means necessarily sexualizing dominance. Even if it is related it is separate.

I don't think accepting a relationship between power and sex, or sexuality and gender, means endorsing all of sex positivity, pornography, sex work and abuse.

When I debate here and say "I think straight women think x" it's because I see huge difference between what the women of gc here think and what I see in the wider world.

I don't think all the women enjoying popular erotic fiction with strong gender norms within a fantasy or enjoying mild sex games are broken women with no agency. That's taken as me endorsing extreme libertarian misogyny.

[–]BiologyIsReal 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Do you think women and men could choose not to be neither the sumissive or the dominant one in a relationship? I other words, do you think a relationship could not be based in power plays? Do you think someone can consent to abuse? Do you think abuse is erotic and desirable? Do you think women must accept to be dominated by men because is "natural"?

BTW, there is no "sex work", only sexual slavery. "Sex work" is a euphemism used by pimps to normalise and, eventually, legalise prostitution.

[–]theory_of_thisan actual straight crossdresser 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Do you think women and men could choose not to be neither the sumissive or the dominant one in a relationship?

Yes.

I do not think sex or relationships are entirely about erotic power relations.

I just think people are prone to eroticising power in mild or strong ways, often gendered.

It appears very common.

In other words, do you think a relationship could not be based in power plays?

Yes I think it can be based on equality or at least not driven by a strongly sex power games at all.

I think sexual attraction is based on a number of things. Physical attraction, personality but I don't think they are generally identical for men and women. I do think masculinity and femininity often play a role in sexuality. That being separate from power.

I do think non sexual power is likely always being negotiate in relationships. I don't think it's a thing that can be ignored.

Do you think someone can consent to abuse?

I find that too charged a question.

Do I think people are in abusive relationships? Yes. Do I think all consent is valid? No. People might consent to something that is wrong and illegal.

People have fantasises they do not want to come true. That does not make them bad broken people.

People have all kinds of fantasises, act out things in bedrooms without being terrible broken people.

For all that consumption of porn and erotic literature they are not broken on that level. They are in fact happy.

Do you think abuse is erotic and desirable?

I think do a lot of people find power erotic. We might think it wrong but it appears so common and a normal part of life.

It has to be carefully handled.

Do you think women must accept to be dominated by men because is "natural"?

No. Firmly not.

A tendency is not universal. An "is" is not an "ought."

I do think people need to be educated. Adults need to be aware of dangers of behaviours and be responsible caring lovers.

BTW, there is no "sex work", only sexual slavery. "Sex work" is a euphemism used by pimps to normalise and, eventually, legalise prostitution.

I recall hearing Julie Bindel on this she was saying there are women who are forced in to this activity and there are middle class women who are playing in some kind of recreation for kicks. I think there is truth in that. I don't think sex can be normalised as any other job because sex is so emotional and open to abuse. I don't think it a healthy form of relations.

I can see it's possibly therapeutic in places, maybe. I don't want to be the person telling women the can't sell sex either. But it's not something I think is mentally healthy, for everyone.