GC: How does one best cultivate self-love and self-acceptance?

submitted by [deleted] from (self.GCdebatesQT)

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]censorshipment 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (3 children)

I identified as a guy twice in my life: during my teens and again during my mid-20s. After seeing "Boys Don't Cry" in the late 90s... I was too scared to lie about being a guy... I thought I'd get raped and murdered like "Brandon Teena". My parents did what they were supposed to do... I was in therapy, but nothing the therapist said mattered.

During college, I was quite happy being a lesbian... but then a guy stalked me from work, and I felt like he wouldn't have been into me if I were identifying as a guy.

During my longest relationship, I was abused by my older girlfriend, and my dysphoria got much worse. I was drinking a lot to cope with her controlling me. She was like an abusive boyfriend even though she was very feminine on the outside. I started identifying as a man to feel empowered... and she stopped abusing me. But one thing she did right was make me feel like a woman sexually... she ate me out so damn good that I got in touch with my womanhood. Lmao. I'd been in several relationships before I met her, but no woman was bold enough to dominate me sexually.

So now during my 30s, I've accepted that I'm a gnc gay woman... I am not and will never be a straight man.

My "gender identity" is completely tied to my sexual orientation. I cannot just identify as a man and still date the type of women I date, women who prefer women. I'd have to try to pass as a straight man in the straight dating world which wouldn't work. I honestly wonder how "Billy Tipton" passed for decades. I wouldn't be able to hide my body in a relationship... I loveeee being nude lol I'm sure my nudes are on several websites that creepy men downloaded from Reddit.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Oh wow--what a life you've had already! I'm sorry it's been so hard and you've had to endure so much pain and abuse. I hope this isn't insensitive, and I am sorry to the moon and back if it is, but it sounds like such hardships helped you learn to love yourself and find peace in being the person you are. Do you think that is true at all? For me, I feel like experiences like that have helped me grow more as a person and learn how to love myself a little more. Practically speaking, how do you think a person could best try to find that confidence in themselves that you have found for yourself?

[–]censorshipment 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

With logic, to be frank. It's not possible to be confident and trans, imo... "transitioning" is a very bright indication of very low self-esteem. Being proud to be trans screams being ashamed to be "cis" i.e. your true form. Just my transphobic opinion.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That's a very interesting way of looking at these things. Do you think it's not possible to be trans and have self-love? Or do you think that transition itself is antithetical to self-love?

My only contention with this 'transphobic opinion' (that made me lol btw) is that I don't believe transition is necessarily a changing of a person for everyone, but rather maybe more akin to 'coming out' as gay, lesbian and bi people might. So, less of a change and more of a dropping a charade or no longer holding oneself back from being themselves. For me, I saw it as an act of self-love and self-kindness because I learned the hard way that I really wanted to live, which wasn't likely to go on much longer otherwise. And it was less of a change and more just letting me be myself, or at least that's how I see it.