All: If you had to lead a trans support group, how would you do it?

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[–]PeakingPeachEaterdetrans GNC female skeptic 🧐 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Well, I'm gendernonconforming and detrans who's not for transitioning, so I'll try to be unbiased but...If they give superficial reasons for wanting to transition, I will call it out...as nicely as possible lol.

I come from an environment that was extremely religious, sexist and well...abusive... I thought I needed to "transition" to be normal since my interests were stereotypical "masculine" and I also was only same-sex attracted from grade school...until late teens/early 20s, I became attracted to the opposite sex too apart from same-sex.

Many confused me as a boy anyways, so it made it a bit easier. I was a young teen when I wanted to transition, and read up about gender dysphoria (which mine was severe) and also looked into hormones/surgery but that scared me off and made me more depressed that I could NEVER be like a biological male and wished I would just die instead...or be "reborn" as one.

Anyways, detransitioned around late teens/early 20s somewhere around there. So...that's just a little bit of background.

To answer your question, I would look deep into WHY they want to transition. Ask them questions on "Why do you feel you should be born female/male" and depending on their answer...just go over it with them.

For example "I wish I was born a girl because I love makeup, dresses, and going shopping" or "I wish I was a boy because I love math, sports, and technology #NotLikeOtherGirls™" ...then those are shallow reasons and would tell them both they can still be themselves without having to change their sex and challenge their sexist perceptions.

If he said "I hate my hairy body, I hate seeing XYZ about body and wish I could just rip this off, etc", then we'd talk about the body issues he's facing and what we can do to help with the body dysphoria. I've experienced that too, so I would be gentle and do the best I can to help him navigate his feelings.

If she said " I wish I were a boy because in my culture, women are treated as lesser beings and I want to be seen as more" or even..."I want to be a boy to avoid child marriage" that's a WHOLE OTHER thing to unpack that's culture related...Once again, would just have discussions about it.

Also, u/HousePlant has a really good answer on what she would do if she had a trans support group. I'm not for transitioning either, but would have to be unbiased in this situation as much as possible.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Asking some extremely important questions there and it’s so needed irl.

I assumed the group was not allowed to be discouraging of gender but if we could have open discussions with the group about gender and how they perceive it and interpret it, massive amounts of good could come of it.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterdetrans GNC female skeptic 🧐 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I had a hard time answering this prompt tbh, I didn't know how to be unbias---my bias seeped through haha. I just kinda wanna save people the heartache I faced...I used to get called a "faggot" and a "tranny" in school because some couldn't tell what I was. They thought I was an effeminate boy when really I was a "tomboy" girl. (I'm not a fan of using the word "tomboy" but using it here for this case). My early teens I went the opposite direction and dressed EXTREMELY feminine after to avoid being bullied and to attract opposite sex but didn't really feel comfortable...Then early 20s went back to dressing mostly masculine and chopped my hair short and people thought I was a boy all over again and it felt awkward(since I was detransitioned...). Lol.

Anyways....I'm rambling again hahaha. It took my many years to finally come to terms with myself. And I hope those who are questioning really reflect on what they would like to do because surgery/hormones are permenant and I knew if I went that path I would hate myself and wish I would die. I suggest therapy for them and self reflection like I did.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure there’s some bias but judging from the experiences youve described, who wouldn’t have some? You were treated terribly during the periods when being accepted is vital.

Bias or none, what you suggest sounds genuinely helpful and like a necessary part of pre-transition assessment and care that is not given. What you’ve described is exactly part of what should be required reading for all patients in transition care.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing! I retroactively decided I wanted to keep the question more open-ended to get even more variety of answers, so I really like that you gave some different scenarios and what you'd do.

Sharing an acceptance of gender-nonconformity from a de-transitioned person's perspective would be so helpful, since you've actually experienced gender dysphoria yourself and have been able to feel better with the person you are without having to undergo surgery or potentially permanent medical or legal changes--it would be incredibly helpful for people (especially children) to learn.