QT: Why are people not allowed to feel disappointed when someone transitions?

submitted by questioningtw from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I’m not QT, but trans. I feel like people should be allowed to be disappointed or feel however they are going to feel. It is sad that those feelings aren’t allowed for often times.

I feel like it’s natural for parents to feel sad. I think I would really struggle with it if my child transitioned (even if I thought it was the right thing).

I don’t feel like you become another person. We’re still the same people. My mother once said something early on that she would miss insert Peaking’s birth name and it really broke my heart because I was right there and I hadn’t gone anywhere. I don’t know if other people feel differently, but I feel like I’m still that boy too. Those parts of your life are still a part of you even if they were hard.

[–]CatbugMods allow rape victim blaming in this sub :) 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It’s not like you died or disappeared. If transitioning literally erased your formative years and your memories you might be someone new. Idk that just sounds so painful to hear like..your core personality doesn’t go away if you take hormones or grow your hair long.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, we don’t die. I started crying when I heard my mother say that and couldn’t really get the words out to tell her I was still there. She started it crying too and we at least were together to comfort each other. The feelings for parents are hard (and my parents actually had agreed to medical treatment for me). She still felt like she was losing some part of the little boy she gave birth to.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

My mother once said something early on that she would miss insert Peaking’s birth name and it really broke my heart because I was right there and I hadn’t gone anywhere.

I feel entirely different. I consider my pretransition self dead. It’s a costume I finally got to cast off and good riddance. I sincerely want people to completely separate me from that facade when they think of me.

I’m not saying you are wrong to feel how you do, just that I feel differently.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for sharing! I feel like that’s such a harsh view to take though. 😟

Were you really different before?

I don’t feel like I was other than dealing with dysphoria making me anxious and depressed. After, I was still me, just happier and able to be comfortable. I was feminine though and couldn’t really pass for straight so maybe it wasn’t the same as for others.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was the same inside but no one knew me. They knew a front I was putting up because I knew no one would accept me if they knew the actual me.

Now I’m actually me and that facade is a distant memory I would just as soon have everyone forget.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Does the woman who gave birth to you believe you were just a facade before you transitioned? Did she gestate a phantasm and risk her life in childbirth for a mere illusion?

What age did you "transition" anyways?

Do all the adults who nurtured, rocked, fed, wiped your nose and butt, raised, comforted, soothed and taught you to the point in time you "transitioned" think that prior to that you were just a charade or a corpse?

Do all your peers who as kids your age played with you, and all the older kids who helped care for you and showed you the ropes, also think you were dead or not real back then?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Does the woman who gave birth to you believe you were just a facade before you transitioned? Did she gestate a phantasm and risk her life in childbirth for a mere illusion?

She seems to consider him essentially dead. She has refused to see me or hear my voice in seven years, since I informed her I would be transitioning.

What age did you "transition" anyways?

Hormones at I believe 27. I first tried dining out at 14 but experiences such a backlash that I went back into suppression and determined I would just tough it out.

That lead to long term issues and eventually it came to kill myself or transition because I couldn’t stand to live a lie anymore. I regret daily not fighting for it when I first tried. The price for my cowardice is the body of a monster. Though that’s more than you asked for.

Do all the adults who nurtured, rocked, fed, wiped your nose and butt, raised, comforted, soothed and taught you to the point in time you "transitioned" think that prior to that you were just a charade or a corpse?

Apparently. My father hasn’t had any contact in 7 years and my mother only communicates via text and obviously without any love. The Aunt that watched me every day as a young child passed before she could know the real me sadly, but I like to think she would have been been accepting.

Do all your peers who as kids your age played with you, and all the older kids who helped care for you and showed you the ropes, also think you were dead or not real back then?

Again by and large yes. I am still in contact with perhaps 3 people from high school even irregularly. And 2 of them have become substantially more distant than before I transitioned.