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[–]FlanJam 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

He probably only talks to lesbians on the QT side. I dont doubt there are plenty of lesbians who are on that side, but the vast majority? If I were to guess I'd say the majority of lesbians don't even pay attention to this stuff. I know I wouldn't if I hadn't got caught up in internet discourse.

[–]jackrusselterror1 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

See, I don’t understand how someone can be exclusively same-sex attracted and also fully be on board with QT without experiencing either serious self-loathing, internalized homophobia, or some sort of cognitive dissonance.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I visited a "radfem" lesbian friend of my husbands pre-covid. She is in a lesbian marriage - my husband knew her in college and she only dated men. She identifies as a lesbian and is in a same-sex relationship (open, though - and just expanded to include my husband's male friend from college. She still considers herself a lesbian, even with a male side piece). She also told me she's dated transwomen and how pleased she is as a children's minister for her UU church that ALL the kids in her group have identified as pansexual. She was raised radfem and claims to be that while also disavowing all second wave feminists saying that I really need to read more modern stuff (pomo/butler stuff). I'd wager there are plenty of lesbians who aren't exclusively same-sex attracted, because there's no evidence that sexuality is innate. There is evidence it's fluid and can change, and just because someone claimed a lesbian identity or even lives in a homosexual relationship, they're still just human, innately flawed and can believe in an ideology. The neo-sexuality movements are a religion.

[–]VioletRemihomosexual female (aka - lesbian) 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

If bisexual woman identifies as lesbian, she does not become lesbian from that, she is still bisexual.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's my point. Except that she does. She gets to speak as a lesbian, and I, a bisexual, am not allowed to comment on the state of anything LGBTQIA because though she's been with fewer women in her life than I, she's considered a lesbian. The point is, anyone claiming to be exclusively same-sex attracted might just be full of shit and onboard QT because they appropriated their own identity.

[–]VioletRemihomosexual female (aka - lesbian) 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sexuality is not an identity. If you are bisexual you are bisexual, even if you call herself heterosexual, or lesbian or gay man, or anything else. Your words would not change material reality of who you are. And the reason that people still ignoring reality and agreeing with whatever people say they are - hurts actual lesbians (and well - all other minorities).

And - a lot of lesbians are hating bisexual women just for that (I myself fine with bisexual women, my first gf was bisexual), and it creates bi-phobia withing the community. When bisexual women are saying they are lesbians and then dating men or never even dating women, but just saying that they are lesbians. And then men are oming to lesbians and saying - hey, that woman who always dates men is calling herself lesbian, so come and try my dick, you just not found correct dick yet!

And it is not even QT problem, this was long before QT. It is mostly porn problem, porn makes "lesbians" sexy for straight men, so even straight women can be called themselves lesbians or kiss another girl while men are looking to "be more hot for men and sell for more".

And from what I've seen in those communities, many of them aren't lesbians. Like non-binary woman who is dating feminine man who is non-binary too are calling themselves lesbians, even thought they never had any relationship with woman and never even kissed a woman.