GC/QT - How should this situation have been handled ethically? (Husband decides they're MTF and starts to transition 15 years & 3 kids into a Christian marriage) - How do you feel this should have played out? I really have no idea so thought I'd ask y'all.

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[–]luckystar 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Suicide is never the fault of others. There are other ways to manage mental health problems besides immediately throwing all one's money and attention into pursuing the unachievable ideal of a female body. Maybe transition is a preferable treatment for some, but not at the sake of one's children.

I don't know how to explain to you that children are more important than the parents. This might also be a cultural divide or something, I know American culture often values the individual over the family unit. I will always put my family first, no matter the challenges. Please don't assume I'm not familiar with mental health needs either.

It is interesting how it's all these male born people abandoning their children to focus on their own needs, and yet they want us to believe they're women. Women would be so harshly judged by society for doing the same thing. It seems very rare that a middle aged mom comes out as a man. Any ideas why that might be?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Parents with untreated mental illnesses are bad parents. Transition is the only effective treatment for dysphoria.

And I don’t know how to explain to you that human existence is defined by more than slavish devotion to your children. Parents don’t stop being human because they procreate. I have a lot of resentment to my parents but I didn’t expect them to martyr themselves for me.

It seems very rare that a middle aged mom comes out as a man. Any ideas why that might be?

They pass better and masculinity expiramentation is accepted so there’s less stigma. They don’t push themselves to the brink of suicide before transition in the hopes of avoiding it like many trans women do.

[–]luckystar 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Masculinity experimentation is accepted? Really? You think the conservative Christian husbands in the South (remember this was the kind of situation the OP was about) wouldn't be complaining if their wives started getting double mastectomies, grew beards and go by Phil or Ted?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

They’re less likely to get assaulted for it than an apparent man who starts trying out femininity. Espescially in the Christian south. A masculine woman is a tough old bird or a tomboy to them while they see a feminine man is an abomination and a queer (in the pejorative sense).

[–]luckystar 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

We're still talking about wives/mothers here. If you really think their husbands would be cool with that then we're probably at an impasse

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don’t think you understand what people in the south are like.

[–]luckystar 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Okay, show me examples of middle aged trans men in the south who were accepted by their conservative Christian husbands

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The husband wouldn’t be happy but have you ever been to a working farm? Everyone dresses the same anyway, Cowboy shirts and denim. Women with short hair aren’t abnormal. At worst eveyone would ask if she was a lesbian or say she was behind her back if a woman wanted to start experimenting with masculinity. A man doing the same would be run out of town at best.