Both: What are your feelings on BDSM and the sex-positivity movement?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]Porcelain_QuetzalTabby without Ears 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Not really. Simply playing out these desires does not say anything about people who play them out. It's how you do it that says everything. The line between abusive asshole and caring Dom is respect for the person you play with both outside and during play. Is there any aftercare? Is he able to snap out of the scene at an instant. Is she willing to ease you into a scene if you aren't yet ready? Is she making her own lines absolutely clear? Does she negotiate the scene with you beforehand? Etc. Etc.

These things make a huge difference and say a lot about who that person is outside of play. Having a certain kink does not say more about the person than wether or not they like oral sex.

doesn't excuse the people who happily abuse others

I completely agree with the sentiment, but I fear our definition of abuse is different.

[–]worried19[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah, our definition of abuse is different.

I think we're pretty much diametrically opposed on this matter. In my view, taking pleasure from hurting other people is always wrong, no matter if the victims want it. And sexualizing evil things is always evil.

[–]Porcelain_QuetzalTabby without Ears 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Why is the reenactment of evil in a safe environment evil? Does the same go for plays or movies? Or is it l just the use of an evil backdrop for sexual context that's bad? If yes why is that okay for other things, but not for sex?

I won't argue about wether or not hurting someone for pleasure is bad, because you're entitled to your own morals. I just wanted to remind you, that bdsm does not have to involve pain.

[–]worried19[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To take pleasure from evil is evil, in my book. If a man wants to rape a woman, gets pleasure from the idea of forcing himself on a woman and the woman resisting him, takes pleasure in her pain and fear, that man is evil. I will never waver on that.

A man who plays a serial killer or a rapist in a movie is not taking sadistic pleasure in the role, one would hope. If he does, I would likewise label him evil.