I'm sorry, but I don't have any answers for dating since I'm in an LTR.

But for friendships, I've found that I connect best with people in real life, in neutral non-LGB and non-hobby places. I know, that's the exact opposite of what everyone says to do, they say to find like-minded people through like-minded engagements, and especially utilize the resources of the internet. I have very very rarely found that to work out though. I've been doing this since before the WWW was even a thing, and of all the online peeps I've met since the early 90s, less than a handful are still in my life.

Online, we can pretend to be whoever or whatever we want to be. We can pretend our own glaring red flags don't exist or minimize them, and just hyper-focus on the other person. We can make excuses for the other person too, by over-thinking individual words and analyzing them to the death, instead of seeing the bigger picture they present about who they are.

But in real life, we don't have the luxury of delays and a screen/shield. We can't delete the words that come out of our mouths, and we have immediate consequences for what we say and how we act. So as people, we have to be more thoughtful and precise ... or at the very least, more transparent about our thoughts and feelings and beliefs.

I'm an introverted person, and I take the "watch and wait" approach through work. I fucking hate small talk with a passion, but it's a necessary evil. I let other people talk, and make minor chit-chat to show them I'm a willing participant ... that encourages them to open up and express themselves more when we're alone or in small groups. And because of that, I find people I can connect with on issues that aren't LGB/TRA/gender at all. You can get a feel for how someone will approach the more sensitive/no-no topics by hearing how they parent their kids, or their frustrations with friends or family over the weekend, things like that. I don't have children so I can't relate to parents as parents, but I can relate to them with how I grew up, or things I appreciated as a kid, or what I wished my parents recognized about me to make things better. We find commonality in shared life values, and that helps us accept each other in other areas we may not have considered previously.