Dr. David James Carswell, my father, died of "COVID".

submitted by JasonCarswell from self.CriticalThoughts

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[–]Drewski 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Sorry for your loss Jason. Father son relationships are tricky and there's always going to be some differences of opinions and regrets involved. Hope you can make peace with all of it and accept it for what it is / was. As always, really appreciate your honesty and contributions here.

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I can only wonder how much things might have been different if I were a father too. I am certain that after I started taking the Big Pharma poison I finally learned a lot about mental health issues, including my bipolar, ADHD, and OCD that we've always had. I didn't need or want to forgive him, but it was a huge relief to understand him - and myself, including my past of bouncing around the continent without stability - like in my youth. Not only was I the ice breaker but my brothers had more stable childhoods as my parents finally settled in Windsor.

I have 2 cats now, and even before yesterday they'd fight and dealing with them I was reminded of my parents. Perhaps as a father I might have understood him more.

From my Big Pharma poisons I was in bad shape and by circumstances was lucky enough to find a place directly across the street from them. I was in a dark place and wanted to see no one, yet ironically I crawled out of my hole as they crawled into theirs. I rarely saw them. Meanwhile, before COVID my Mom (and sometimes my dad) made weekly or twice weekly visits to my brother in South Windsor to babysit her grand kids. I had no "future" to them.

It is what it is.

Backatcha. I feel grateful for you and the others' contributions, not just in these comments but on SaidIt. We're lucky and we've got a good thing going here.