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[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Even animals teach their babies that actions have consequences. That's why you don't separate a puppy from it's litter/parents until it's the right time developmentally, both physically and mentally/behaviorally. They learn boundaries and respect from their litter-mates and parents. They also learn not to bite others by biting their siblings and parents, only to get bit in return (sometimes harder, and stronger than they're capable of biting), and feeling pain, and learn their action resulted in a consequence: pain for others, and themselves.

So they stop biting.

Right now, the main-stream parenting style in North America is known as "Concerted Cultivation", look it up. It has some pros (potential sense of independence, not fearing authority figures, standing up for "one's personal rights" - however this also potentially extends into extremes, which explains a lot of the degenerate movements we've seen paraded in the streets and in children's libraries), but more cons in my opinion. It teaches children to be disrespectful at young age, and that they are equals as far as their parents and other adults are concerned. It also teaches them that their opinion is of high value and important, (creating the "snowflake phenomenon"), and creates a narcissistic, materialistic, self-serving culture.

"Negative considerations have included an overburdened sense of entitlement, potentially disrespectful behavior toward authority figures, lack of creativity, and the psychosomatic inability to play or relax. As a result, advocates of Slow parenting prefer less management of childhood activities."

"Children start to form a certain sense of entitlement because of their early comfort interacting with adults. Children also become more comfortable questioning adults, and it is easier for them to see themselves as equals. With concerted cultivation, the practices often infiltrate into the family life."

In this parenting-style, children are not allowed to explore the world around them - parents set up and maintain their schedules for them, like butlers. They keep a schedule for them for religious things, tutoring, music lessons, sports or any recreational or educational activity. They will not let their children associate with children they do not like. They are over-protective and do not let the child learn from experience, pain or hard-work. And if a child says they don't like something, they will cancel that activity for the child (even if it's in the child's best interest, to avoid confrontation), which is how a child learns a strong sense of self-worth and entitlement, while learning disrespect for authority. During the ages of 10-12, bargaining comes into the picture where the child will begin to bargain with parents, and parents will oblige, i.e.: "I'll behave well/get good grades/listen to you, if you buy me the new iPhone". So the parents do it, when the child should be doing this without a reward, and without bargaining.

The interesting thing about parenting-styles in North America is that they're usually fleeting according to studies on parenting styles - they usually last for a decade, two at tops usually, and then a new "fad" parenting-style becomes popular and things 'become dated'. Concerted Cultivation started in the late 80's, early 90's, and is not leaving for some reason, only getting worse and more apathetic parenting-wise.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

    School's out, I'm bored 😂 I learned a lot about child development last semester though! I found it all really interesting and relative, so I did some research on my own too. I figured others may find it interesting for similar reasons; It's funny how our findings through observational studies from decades ago, correlate with the behaviors seen in my generation and the generations below us. The terms "Snowflakes", "Trophy generation", etc, are labels and terms society created for what was already described and discovered decades ago before these behaviors manifested en masse, in these studies as a result of this parenting style.

    It seems the studies were right, and it seems society sensed the shift too - but didn't realize the full reason the shift took place. They were very close. But I'm sure many of the older people calling younger generations "snowflakes" or something similar, are also guilty of raising children on Concerted Cultivation themselves without even realizing it. It's more complex than just "being too soft" on kids. It's putting things into a position where you've subconsciously taught your children not to respect you (teen movies and shows do that too, with the teenagers seemingly knowing better than the "stupid, foolish" parents who never notice anything - shows weren't like that before, think The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air even for an example, most episodes ended with a lesson, with either the parent or an adult sharing serious wisdom. This all started around the late 80's /early 90's), all of which helps back the way they think of you and other adults as equals they can manipulate, bargain and debate with. Though they haven't worked as hard as you, experienced as much as you, or own the house they live in, they feel their footing is equal to yours, whether it's conscious or not.

    It's the "abolishing of the respect and appreciation for wisdom, family and culture" (and wisdom comes with age, as well as personal experience). When you get rid of that, you create narcissistic, self-centered, and sometimes hedonistic humans. If you read about it, and look around at society and how we've been raising our kids, especially the "middle and upper classes", things start to make some sense.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    Perhaps you might consider sudying pithy writing techniques. One can say a lot with just a few words.