What do you think others mistake and/or need to realize about bisexuality?

submitted by [deleted] from self.Bisexuals

My most common experience has been that bisexuality = experimentation. I'm assumed to be open to ANYTHING, like bisexuals are a blank slate to be painted on with their will. I've gotten numerous offers for kink/BDSM and many other things, and when asked why, it's because bisexuals are "willing to be with everyone". I've heard it from both men and women.

I think people need to understand we're attracted to both sexes, but attraction has nothing to do with our morals or ethics in a relationship.

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[–]PatsyStone 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It doesn't serve a purpose, it just is. We don't exist to fulfill a function for other people. We're just people who are this way.

You can't use bisexuality to predict someone's behavior, either. Sometimes, when places in the same circumstances, we might make the same decisions or act the same way- that's about it.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

We don't exist to fulfill a function for other people.

Thank you for saying so, I like that.

[–]PatsyStone 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's the biggest hurdle I've faced with gays and lesbians, they want to know what I'm for. Nothing. I'm just here 😄

[–]cryptoterfthrow 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

When people think that you need to be consistently open to dating both sexes to be bisexual. I think this partly gave way to a group of bisexuals who are mostly same-sex attracted/only currently dating their current sex/can never see themselves dating the opposite sex long-term, who just call themselves lesbian or gay. I understand why they do this, and almost did it myself at one point, but it does homosexuals a disservice as you're claiming their label without having the exclusively homosexual attraction - and therefore prejudice etc. - and it also downplays the fact that choosing not to date the opposite sex and only going for your own is a uniquely bisexual experience.

This can obviously work the other way round with bisexuals claiming to be straight, but the erasure mostly only affects them.

The time I realised it was important to be open when possible was when a lesbian I was talking to on a dating app brought up that she didn't like to date bisexual women for personal reasons. I was annoyed because my profile clearly stated that I'm bisexual (this was after a week of talking) so it felt as thought she had wasted my time, but I realised that I needed to stop comparing the degree of my same-sex attraction to lesbians and thinking if I could ever be as 'good' as a lesbian when dating other women.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I realised that I needed to stop comparing the degree of my same-sex attraction to lesbians and thinking if I could ever be as 'good' as a lesbian when dating other women.

That's a really interesting and good thing to share! How we compare our same-sex attraction to homosexuals, and judge ourselves as unworthy or needing to measure up.

[–]PenseePansy 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That it's a sexual orientation. Nothing more, nothing less.

And that "sexual orientation" does NOT equal "monosexual". Being attracted to only one of the two sexes isn't required. Just that you're attracted to (i.e., oriented towards) people based on their biological sex. Which, like both homosexuals and heterosexuals, we are.

[–]TwoProngs 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm assumed to be open to ANYTHING, like bisexuals are a blank slate to be painted on... I've gotten numerous offers for kink/BDSM and many other things...

What I've seen is that a plethora of people who are into alternatives such as BDSM do identify as bisexual, as opposed to a general-population breakdown of sexual identity. Or, in other words, why is it that "bisexuals" commonly have something else going on? Which isn't to say that there are no plain bisexuals out there, obviously there are. Put yet another way: sample sexual subcultures, find a multitude of "bisexuals."

It begs the question "why?" Are they bisexual or... are they into their "thing" and sex (male/female) takes a backseat? There is this huge dearth of "bisexual community," but when you stick your head into one of these subcultures, "bisexuals," everywhere.

Yet, their sexual identity isn't leading with bisexual, it's leading with whatever their thing is.

Suppose for the first thirty years of your life you had a concept of apples and oranges. Then one day, someone hands you a lemon. That does not mean that your understanding of an apple or an orange was wrong, it was entirely correct. Still is: there are apples and oranges. But what do do with the lemon? It is more similar to the orange, but it is not an orange, and it is certainly not an apple. Is the lemon an orange? Or does the new-found lemon mean that perhaps so far, you've been right, but there are other things one must consider?

Or you could be naive and just say, well the lemon is most similar to the orange, and after all, the Nobel committee in 2021 awarded one of those coveted awards to some researchers that demonstrated that the lemon and orange scents/flavors are just identical but mirror-image molecules etc., so, they're the same thing.

But this would not be entirely your doing. What is better? To admit to oneself that they have a deep-seated, immutable, atypical sexuality or to join the ever-growing, celebrated Parthenon of letters? That they are bisexual?