Is sex a factor in your attraction? In what way, specifically?

submitted by usehername from self.Bisexuals

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[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

  1. Yes. Because for certain features, I find different things attractive in men than I do in women. For example, male voices turn me on more than female voices usually. Women's breasts turn me on more than men's pecs usually. This isn't an across the board thing. Nice thighs and a good sense of humor are appreciated regardless of sex, but I'm not blind to sex. Mens' and women's bodies and socialization are different, and give rise to different things that attract me sometimes.

  2. I have never dated a woman seriously (not for lack of trying) but as far as courtship goes, definitely. Mainly due to the fact that most men who are attracted to me are straight, and most straight men have this idea that women are a hivemind and all want to be treated a certain way. I can't stand that. So I feel the need to make it clear up front when a man expresses interest in me that I am very non-traditional, and I will drop him in a heartbeat if he gets his balls all twisted up because I want to pay for dinner or hold a door open for him. With women, that expectation usually isn't there. I can be more myself. Flirting with women also makes me way more nervous, because I don't have as much experience in that regard.

  3. Yep. I like femininity in both sexes, but that preference is stronger with men. Meaning, I have only a slight preference toward feminine women, but a very strong preference toward feminine men. Women are generally more attractive to me aesthetically, so I find all types of women attractive no matter how they present, and my preference for femininity in women is very slight. On the other hand, hot guys are like unicorns they're so rare. And the more 'masculine' a guy is the less I'm attracted to him. I like barefaced guys with soft features. Bearded, chiseled men are not my thing at all.

  4. Preference for men. Which sounds contradictory given point 3, but I'll explain more in the next point. I don't think there's a reason really.

  5. With men, my attraction is a lot more disconnected. I can be attracted to a cute guy and want to sleep with him despite not knowing him that well, or at all. I can be attracted to fictional men more frequently than fictional women, but I attribute that to women in fiction being badly written in general compared to their male counterparts in the media I consume. This disconnectedness means I develop crushes on men more often. With women, I have to know her before I catch feelings. My last crush on a woman was on a coworker. Before that it was a cashier. Before that, they've all been friends of mine. I realized at 12 I was bi because I was daydreaming about kissing my friend and holding her hand. Not sure why that is, but that's the way it is for me. I often joke that my sexuality is fictional men, and real life women lol.

edit: I wish saidit would space out numbered lists a bit more..

[–]PenseePansy 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. Because for certain features, I find different things attractive in men than I do in women. For example, male voices turn me on more than female voices usually. Women's breasts turn me on more than men's pecs usually. This isn't an across the board thing. Nice thighs and a good sense of humor are appreciated regardless of sex, but I'm not blind to sex. Mens' and women's bodies and socialization are different, and give rise to different things that attract me sometimes.

As the saying goes: are you me? :) Much the same story here, actually-- have a real thing for men's voices, and women's breasts, versus the other sex's equivalent. Who the hell knows why! And to segue into OP's questions:

  • 1. As indicated above: yes. Partly a matter of my having very different physical "types" by sex (see below); also, many of the physical traits that I find attractive are sex-specific (and, often, attractive to me because they're a marker of difference between men and women). For example, I really like the iliac furrow (seen here: http://www.fuelrunning.com/repository/fitness-humor/0082.jpg), Adam's apples, and tallness on the one hand, and wide curvy hips, "dimples of Venus" (yeah, men can have 'em too, but they're more common and prominent in women), and narrow waists on the other. Which is not to say that there aren't "unisex" traits I go for, only that in many cases, what I respond to is the opposite of that.
  • 2. Yes and no! I'm seriously intimidated by both sexes... but for different reasons, and with somewhat different results as far as my role/behavior goes. What's the same is that I'm very deferential, unassertive, and don't want to be the one in control. I can be rather aggressive with guys, though always in a conventionally "feminine" sort of way (flirty and seductive, but signaling them to come after me); however, I don't really have any idea how to apply this to women, especially since I don't like the whole "butch" thing and am pathologically insecure about my looks where women are concerned. (Not that I feel confident about them vis-a-vis men, but at least I'm not comparing myself directly-- and unfavorably-- to the object of my desire in that case.)
  • 3. Yes, physically: tall thin (though the latter is much more important than the former) guys and busty, curvaceous women. Which may, once again, be about "difference", though I prefer a certain femininity in both (minimal body hair, pretty facial features, a "swimmer's body" for the guys-- defined but not bulky muscles and a smooth, sleek look overall). I also tend to favor conventional attractiveness in women a lot more-- my standards for men's looks are quite "negotiable". Like much the same personality for both, though (intelligent, complex, good balance of the rational and the creative).
  • 4. Really hard to say; since my attraction to each sex feels so different, they don't really compare-- kind of an apples-and-oranges thing.
  • 5. Yes: I'm more physically attracted to women, but I've never experienced the kind of intense emotional pull towards them that I do with men. This may have something to do with being more emotionally-wary with women and physically-wary with men... but who knows?