What, is this from the Bad Acid Trip Collection? ("oh god HANDS SPROUTING EVERYWHERE MAKE IT GO AWAY") Or some alternate universe where Ed Gein became an interior designer? Maybe a virtue-signaling remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? (please tell me that "inclusivity" does not extend to a yaas-kween!-fabulous Kweer^TM Leatherface...) Perhaps damned souls sentenced to an eternity of imprisonment within this Sofa From Hell? And who else can't look at this... THING without thinking "BAD TOUCH!"? Apparently even FURNITURE can be rapey! Who knew?

In any case, as they used to put it on Mystery Science Theater 3000: "good old-fashioned nightmare fuel"!

Withering sarcasm aside, has anyone else checked out IKEA's full range of Pride Loveseats? OK, maybe you value your eyeballs too much (with the prevailing puketastic aesthetics, it's really more like "Shame Loveseats" ["Hateseats"?], amirite?), but I couldn't help noticing that, out of 10 designs total, only two-- count 'em, TWO!!!-- are based on, yanno, LGB. (Well, L and B, anyway; G is nowhere to be found.) Other than "Progress" and "Asexual" (WTF is not being oriented towards any sex, including your own, doing here???), the MAJORITY-- 6 out of 10-- are all about (you guessed it) "gender". But oh, why stop at just more than half, IKEA? When every 13-year-old Tumblrite produces as many new genders as pimples? Where's the Loveseat for all of THOSE? Stargender and Beegender and Whateverthefuckgender! Soon you'll have more goddamn couches than asses to sit on 'em!

Christ, can't we even have fuckin' eyesore FURNITURE to ourselves now?