"my friend claims to be bi but has only dated men/women"

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[–]MarkJefferson 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

But I'm getting real tired of people using our dating history as a way to say we aren't actually bisexual. If that were the case we could look at every closeted gay person as not actually gay because the had exclusively hetero relationships before coming out.

It is an interesting Double Standard on the Burden of Proof, isn't it? And "proof" even has to be shown repeatedly to some, even though once should be enough- but requesting "proof" itself is already asking too much for any sexual orientation, really. Which just goes to show how much Bisexuality is seen as legit. Which means we have a long way to go towards Actual, and not just Token acceptance. It's highly hypocritical for anyone who imposes this burden of proof on others to make an exception for their own sexuality. Can you imagine if it was the other way around and what the reaction would be?

I think some people became much too accustomed to the typical amiability of others to even notice how one-sided these expectations have become. Based on the current standards, I'm effectively an ACE irl right now. But apparently that's not considered a real sexuality anyway. So what am I? We're mostly defined by the transitory whims of other people, flying on the wings of steam. You'd think some people would be able to see the parallels to other things occurring to them right now, but I suppose that's far too much to ask for...

[–]PatsyStone 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I think there are a lot of unstated truths that are too divisive to bring up because well... we're negotiating from a weak position. They don't think they need us, we need them.

There's a lesbian on the main sub who made a great point that bisexuals dominate online. It's because we don't have spaces irl so this is where we seek each other out and try to socialize with our identity. Maybe in the coming years, as gay rights advocacy is forced online, we will bring more to the table and be seen as more valuable to the "community."

They've certainly been driven into our arms with DroptheT.

A lot of this boils down to fighting over money and social status.

[–]MarkJefferson 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I hope to god if/once this T scourge is handled we can finally fully address the elephant in the room that Vulvamort mentioned about how many gays go through the Bi label before they finally realize/admit they're gay. I've heard at least one person on the forum adamantly announcing repeatedly that happens to every single gay person they know. What I rarely if ever hear from people is how that does untold damage to the acceptance of Bisexually as a legitimate orientation when it's being constantly dragged to one side or the other(effectively erased) by spicy-straight and gay tourists. We already have to deal with this "more than 1/2 genders" and "multiple/all genders" definition pollution from every official source on the internet that undermines the very concept of the sex Binary for Bi attraction, but being constantly blamed(personally) for sexuality label appropriation when your own identity that you are born and die with is actively and casually being appropriated and destabilized everyday without any apologies given is adding insult to injury. I don't even want to even be reminded of this outright hypocrisy from some people anymore, but I know I will be.

[–]PatsyStone 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's true, their rules are self-serving and they don't apply them to themselves.

I've always gone out of my way to be kind to guys who confess to me that they "might be bisexual." They obviously need the support, I don't mind playing pretend if it helps them. As far as I remember they've all gone on to be gay later.

These same guys will wait a couple of decades and spit in my face (metaphorically) and act like they didn't use me as a shield.

Where's my shield?

Why are bisexuals left out in the cold on our own?

Why don't gays feel the same way about us?

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've only seen that elephant brought up one other time on droptheT, and I was so excited to see it because it was the first time anyone had brought it up but I'd been thinking it for years. I suspect many bisexuals are too, we just 'know our place' in a sense and know nothing we say will be received well.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They don't think they need us, we need them.

The irony being that we outnumber them. But you're right. We have nowhere to go IRL, and the few spaces we do have access to have been colonized by woke rhetoric. And they're STILL fucking with the definitions because people can't just come out and say they they never liked us to begin with and want to do away with 'bi' in favor of 'pan'. At least then we'd have some damn consistency. But no, they want to keep 'bi' around just to change the definition every two weeks.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wonderfully said and I agree completely. Sometimes it feels like bisexuals are the only ones being asked to 'prove' our sexuality. Straight people never have to. And gays and lesbians are generally accepted as gay once they come out, regardless of dating history. Even if the reaction is a homophobic one. Homophobia is not always the same as 'I don't believe you'. Usually if the reaction is bad, LGs get homophobia and we get 'I don't believe you'.