What's the hardest part of being bisexual?

submitted by PatsyStone from self.Bisexuals

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[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (26 children)

Just ask a passing trans-identified female how often they hook up with/are messaged by "gay men" (bi men) on Grindr. A lot of bi men are into it. Most late-in-life "gays" are bi with a huge preference for the same sex, which isn't to say that none of them are gay. There haven't been any studies on this so we're just throwing anecdotes at each other. A ton of these people exist, as gays and lesbians will tell you. If you don't want to believe us, fine. There's no argument here because there are no facts.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (25 children)

There's no argument here because there are no facts.

True! It's a matter of interpretation, isn't it?

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (24 children)

True! It's a matter of interpretation, isn't it?

Well what I meant is that the facts can't be proven because like I said, no studies.

You've convinced yourself that despite the fact that bisexuals vastly outnumber gays and lesbians, it's them who are perpetuating these ideas and any bisexual who claims to lean heavily towards one sex that they are only attracted to that sex and trans people who look like it are actually lying homosexuals.

I am telling you this is a thing. Gays and lesbians are backing me up telling you it's a thing. You were the only one on that whole thread who didn't believe us. I understand I don't have a study to link to but can you explain to me what you believe to be the reason for us "lying"? Or do you think we're all idiots?

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (23 children)

I think you adhere to an ideology that promotes this idea in order to compensate for flaws in the ideology. I'm aware there are bisexual women who pretend to be lesbians in order to gain access to the lesbian community, but there's not the type of political significance to it that feminists want there to be. There's definitely not an epidemic of it that's ruining the gay community.

Since you've repeatedly lashed out at me with nasty personal attacks, can I ask you a personal question? I know it'll upset you, so I want permission first. I don't want to be accused of anything.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (21 children)

I think you adhere to an ideology that promotes this idea in order to compensate for flaws in the ideology.

What ideology and what flaws specifically?

there's not the type of political significance to it that feminists want there to be

  1. It's not feminists who care about this, it's lesbians.
  2. Why would feminists want that?

I think you're mixing up lesbians and feminists (ofc there is some overlap).

There's definitely not an epidemic of it that's ruining the gay community.

How would you know if you're not gay? Gay and lesbian people are telling you otherwise but you're acting as if you know their communities better than they do.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (20 children)

It's feminists, not lesbians. I know lesbians who aren't feminists, most aren't.

I have personal experience! I'm here too, I've been here for going on 20 years. I'm not "projecting my experiences," btw, the gay community is bigger than university activists and online groups.

If you could get permission from someone to be a lesbian, if you felt like you were allowed, would you?

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (19 children)

Lesbians do indeed care that bisexuals are claiming to be lesbian and claiming lesbians can feel attraction to males because they do. It's a threat to lesbian rights. Heterosexual feminists do not give a shit about this unless they're active allies.

I know lesbians who aren't feminists, most aren't.

Ok. I never claimed that they were. Also not relevant.

the gay community is bigger than university activists and online groups.

You think I'm informed by university activists? All these assumptions... there is no activism at my college.

If you could get permission from someone to be a lesbian, if you felt like you were allowed, would you?

This is homophobic. People can't choose their orientation. I'm guessing you read my comment saying I lean towards the same sex which means I'm just a lesbian in denial? I am attracted to both men and women.

edit: You may not see this edit til after you post but how can you say lesbians don't care about this when a bunch of lesbians said they did in the Graham thread?

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

You seem miserable and like you hate yourself and other bisexuals.

[–]nettygay5 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

i read throughout your entire conversation with the other bisexual and there seems to be a massive difference in your values. You seem to have constructed a narrative judging by your comment history to deflect blame from bisexuals on to gays/lesbians instead of just owning up to certain problems. And it's not just here. It seems that multiple bisexuals have tried approaching you and you seem to be, as one gay guy put it, "narcissistic" and self centered, as if you're competing with gays and lesbians for the moral high ground in a game of who can be the most petty. Just so you understand, there is no magical "bisexual cult" that you're secretly looking for since bisexuals are intimately tied to the gay and lesbian community. So this hierarchy game you're playing doesnt help you in any way. If your primary concern isnt about humanizing same sex attraction, then you're exactly what multiple people in your comment sections called you.

First you were a victim of gays and lesbians, and now any bisexual (it seems the majority of them) who point out the flaws in your thinking are self hating? Im gay and i noticed she knows far more about gays/lesbians than you ever will and what causes tension between bisexuals and homosexuals. She's interested in solutions and you're interested in throwing rocks and smearing your shit all over the walls and putting up a stink to the point where your antics become so intolerable that you "win"...but we're not in elementary school so that wont happen. You just make people wary of you.

And just look at the way you talk of everyone because you assume theyre as malicious and malevolent as you: "im well aware of bisexual women who pretend to be lesbians to gain access to lesbian communities" as if these people are "breaking in" to the lesbian community as theives. You just project so much of your psychology into your words. No. No. Lesbians and gays are fully aware that if something triggers a bisexual child in their environment somehow and they experience their same sex attraction first, then they just get brainwashed into thinking theyre gay and their attraction to the same sex is ignored because theyre "contaminated by the almighty gay" and because of internalized homophobia, overwhelms their attraction to the opposite sex.

There are A LOT of these people within our community. We marry them, they love us, theyre our friends and they strategically kept their mouths shut to specifically protect gays/lesbians because if anyone ever heard of some 15 year old girl who, because of internalized homophobia thought she was just a lesbian and ignored a large part of her attraction to men, the heterosexuals would hold her up as some magical hero and that ALL gays and lesbians could be "saved" like she was. Some of our gay/lesbian activists and leaders (the very effective ones) were bisexual as well. Since you seem very self centered and narcissistic, i guess you might find this unimaginable but as an act of love and protection for gays/lesbians...they just said they were homosexuals and kept their bisexuality hidden until their fight was over so their bisexuality wouldnt be used to kill gay/lesbian kids with conversion therapy rhetoric or delegitmize same sex attraction.

Just look at your sentences: "if lesbians gave you PERMISSION to identify as a lesbian"....as if it's some power struggle/fight between bisexuals and homosexuals that you desperately want to win, so when gays/lesbians express frustration, you dont see vulnerability or concerns but problems to rub in their faces as a homophobe. And trust me, you VERY MUCH are a deep, deep homophobe and it shows. I wonder what YOUR answer would be if "straight women gave you "permission" to identify as straight".

You desperately want to make your problems into everyone else's drama by turning your lack of empathy into a giant shit show between gays/lesbians vs bi people but so many other bisexuals dont seem to have the same problems as you. It almost seems like no matter how much "older" you are, you think going to 1 or 2 gay bars somehow made you understand who and what gays/lesbians are, yet you openly made a post saying you dont understand why homosexuals care about their civil rights and "whats the big deal". Funny how you complain about barriers being put in place between homosexuals and some homophobic bisexuals but so many bisexuals have absolutely no problem crossing those barriers but you seem to struggle with them. Almost like there's a reason for that.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm only aware of one person I've gotten into an argument with, u/usehername.

The argument started because of a Graham Linehan article about gay activists in Ireland betraying the gay community in various ways. People started complaining about bisexuals in the comments and I said I didn't think that was what was going on (I don't.) Usehername has been going off on me for days now, picks fights and then acts like I did something. You're not involved, and also seem confused about what I have and haven't said, so.... butt out?

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Lol why?

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

You seem to think we're dangerous and evil and that you have some special calling to lay down the law. We aren't harmful.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just saw your edit and I think it's hilarious that you're trying to act like a victim here. We are having a conversation online and if you don't like it block me. I guess calling me a bitch and saying I know nothing aren't personal attacks.

Ask away.