Bi-cycling/Fluctuating

submitted by PenseePansy from self.Bisexuals

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[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Ah, no. What are you all referring to here? Porn use? Feeling attraction to strangers? I'm attracted to individuals of either sex, no just a whole sex in general. I don't believe in the "cycle". Some days I might pass by an attractive woman, some days (rarely) I might pass by an attractive man. That's not my sexuality "cycling". I just happen to see a lot of strangers I find attractive who are of a certain sex, or happen to have a crush on someone I know of a certain sex. It's random chance. I have never experienced a "cycle" and don't relate to those bis who say they have/do. I also have the same "type" for men and women. I'm female, for reference.

[–]PenseePansy[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

What are you all referring to here? Porn use? Feeling attraction to strangers?

Any and all forms of attraction: on an individual basis, and/or in general. Including fantasy/imagination and just an overall heightened awareness of a sex's appeal to you. Whatever someone experiences-- I'm sure that there's a lot of variation, and as far as I'm concerned, it all "counts". Only just realized that this had been left undefined; thanks for making me think about what I actually meant!

I don't believe in the "cycle".

Do you believe in the "cycle" for those bisexuals who report experiencing it?

I have never experienced a "cycle" and don't relate to those bis who say they have/do. I also have the same "type" for men and women.

I don't think that I've ever experienced it either, actually, though it's hard to be sure, since the way that I'm attracted to each sex feels so different; it's something of an "apples & oranges" situation for me. Possibly because my "type" isn't entirely unisex, and/or I may have PTSD with respect to men. Which prompts me to ask: do gender-roles not influence your feelings for each sex, then? Such as potential misogyny from men, resulting in a kind of caution that you wouldn't have with women?

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think a lot of bis who report experiencing "the cycle" are people who don't lean very heavily towards one sex or another, so their attraction appears to "cycle" due to random encounters. As someone who quit porn after using it regularly, I also think that this is heavily influenced by porn use. After quitting, I no longer have a fixation on sex or daily fantasies. My type is very rigid, and involves certain amount of femininity. Not like makeup and dresses, but long hair and a playful, non-stoic personality, and yeah, that's unisex. I tend to find that most men who fit that aren't very misogynistic unless they're religious (which is a no from me), but either way, I think I'm a good judge of character after a lot of shitty experiences, and I'm outspoken and unfeminine, which tends to be a turn-off for misogynists, so I'm not really targeted by them romantically, but there's always a need for a certain caution around men you don't know. I understand not wanting to deal and choosing to pursue women instead. I'd say that my attraction to men and women is the same and not influenced by gender roles. I take the masculine role in relationships, even with men. I'm curious, do gender roles influence your feelings for each sex, and in what way?

[–]PenseePansy[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think a lot of bis who report experiencing "the cycle" are people who don't lean very heavily towards one sex or another, so their attraction appears to "cycle" due to random encounters. As someone who quit porn after using it regularly, I also think that this is heavily influenced by porn use. After quitting, I no longer have a fixation on sex or daily fantasies.

I hadn't thought of this; really interesting take. While I don't seem to lean heavily either way (or at least the "apples-and-oranges"-ness of it all makes comparison difficult), "the cycle" still hasn't been a thing for me. The closest I come is my attraction to men getting blocked by what looks like PTSD (never been diagnosed), sometimes for long stretches, but this feels different than what those experiencing fluctuation describe.

I'm curious, do gender roles influence your feelings for each sex, and in what way?

I think that they do.

With men, I find the sort of personality that often results off-putting at best and threatening at worst; I'm also actively afraid of men in general. But the flip side is that they tend to be rather emotionally-contained/reserved, which I like (in moderation). And being less empathic can also make them less inclined towards the kind of "feelz > reelz", who-cares-about-facts-or-reason attitudes that piss me off no end.

More women are "my type" personality-wise, and they haven't been socialized to use physical violence against me. But the female gender-role's emphasis on beauty/prettiness really influenced me, and if I find a woman attractive, it's hard not to compare myself unfavorably to her. The whole "lesbian U-Haul" thing is also scary to me in some ways; it feels like emotional overload. And women often have a penchant for the kind of "bleeding-heart"-ism that makes them prone to becoming SJWs/trans-dupes (I first saw this many years ago, when the dogs-running-loose-in-public-is-a-civil-right! movement was at its zenith where I live; its most aggressive-- fanatical really-- proponents were all women), which really bugs me.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The closest I come is my attraction to men getting blocked by what looks like PTSD.

Don't feel the need to try to force yourself to be attracted to men (not saying you are), because the majority of men are scummy (the majority of women aren't that great either, but my point still stands), and if you're put-off by a man, you should trust your instincts. I have plenty of male friends, and I meet men all the time (at school) who I just don't like right away, usually because their personalities are, as you said, "off-putting at best and threatening at worst", but most men who act like this are just putting on an act, and are really bitches. If confronted, they show themselves to be cowardly.

[Men] tend to be rather emotionally-contained/reserved.

Lol, not in my experience. Men tend to express emotions they deem feminine, which is basically all positive emotions, less than women do. That's what I mean when I say I prefer men with a more "feminine" personality, even for friendships. However, men express negative emotions a lot more than women do, such as complaining and yelling, since those behaviors in boys aren't punished or are mildly punished, as opposed to little girls, whose anger people attempt to stamp out.

women often have a penchant for the kind of "bleeding-heart"ism that makes them prone to becoming SJWs/trans-dupes

Yeah, I think we're in agreement here. This is why I prefer a partner with some masculine and some feminine traits. A kind person who expresses themselves and stands up for themselves, but has a couple band-aids on their heart lol.

if I find a woman attractive, it's hard not to compare myself unfavorably to her

Thankfully, I broke free from that a few years ago. I simply stopped giving a fuck about feminine beauty rituals, and no longer compare my looks to anyone because why tf should I care as long as I'm clean? Partner-wise, I would not want someone who dresses hyper-feminine and wears makeup, since I tend to just feel bad for those people. They can be really attractive tho lol, but someone who's comfortable in their own skin will be worlds more attractive to me.

"lesbian U-Haul"

I've only experienced something like this once. I won't go into too much detail, but I chatted with a girl (I was quite young) for one day on a dating app, and she needed somewhere to stay for a night because of a bad housing situation. I was weirded out, and nothing remotely sexual/romantic happened. She wanted to stay longer, but I asked if there was anywhere else she could go, and there was. I was a lot younger back then, and it wasn't my house. Hope everything went ok for her.

dogs-running-loose-in-public-is-a-civil-right! movement

Lol yep, I once knew a woman who was like that.