Bi-cycling/Fluctuating

submitted by PenseePansy from self.Bisexuals

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[–]ElectricSheep 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Absolute pain in the ass, and even more frustrating is that I don't know whether it's internally motivated, externally, or both (neither?). All I know is that it's exhausting.

[–]PenseePansy[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah :( I'm sorry that this is a negative thing for you; maybe having a place to talk about it where the phenomenon isn't automatically condemned ("this means that you're gonna cheat! See, you bisexuals can't be monogamous! You're just a sex maniac!") might help? At least a little? (Hope so anyway.)

If it isn't too personal, may I ask whether, when you're in a relationship, this affects your desire for your partner? Does your attraction to them decrease when your attraction to their opposite sex increases? And/or does it affect your attraction to the sex that isn't "on the upswing" in general? Or do you feel more attracted to one without feeling less attracted to the other?

Also, what is it that makes your "fluctuation" so frustrating/exhausting/pain-in-the-ass-y? Could this perhaps be somewhat alleviated by thinking of it as intrinsic to bisexuality? A natural (if sometimes inconvenient) consequnce of being attracted to both sexes? Maybe you're judging it too much by monosexual standards, you know? When stuff like this may work quite differently for us, and not mean the same thing as it does for them. I realize that it can be difficult to shake the feeling of "unlike monosexuals = WRONG!!!"... but hopefully not impossible :)

[–]ElectricSheep 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

context: I'm male

Not currently with anyone, but in the past I didn't mention it. My female exes knowing I'm bi at all was enough for them to be on the lookout, so to speak, and it always felt like I was one wrong phrase away from "ah ha! Gay in denial!"

It's exhausting because I never really know what's going to grab my attention in my brain. Even once in a while I'll be chilling with friends I've known for years, and my brain goes "oh that was cute, what if..." and I just have to roll my eyes at myself and wait for the thought to finish. Then the opposite happens, like I'm with my partner and my brain just doesn't cooperate. I know this happens to everyone but it's annoying that there's the second layer, if that makes sense. And despite being very monogamous, it doesn't seem to alleviate the extra concern that seems to go along with it all.

On the other hand, sometimes it's a nice surprise when you get a little eye candy where you don't expect it, but in general I'm not looking and not interested in starting a new relationship so it's just a little pointless. It's nice when watching movies, but annoying in real life, I guess.