What are your thoughts on bisexual terminology?

submitted by PeakingPeachEater from self.Bisexuals

For example for bi(women) there are terms such as Stag, Tomcat, and Doe: What does is mean?---basically the equivalent of Butch, Stem/Futch, and Femme

Then there's also female exclusive bisexuals and male exclusive bisexuals...

There's also the terms TQ made up such as bi-gay and bi-lesbian...

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[–]clitoriana 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

TBH I think stag and doe are ridiculous and gross. We're not animals... and it's literally a direct copy of butch/femme. I'd be surprised if anyone outside of tumblr uses it. I have mixed feelings about us calling ourselves butch/femme but it's like, if you want another gender identity that badly then use the originals. Stag/doe is just corny. 😂

However, I'm a hypocrite because I think tomcat sounds cute. I have never used it, though, and never will, because it sounds juvenile and I'm approaching 30. And again, I don't think anyone other than kids on the internet use it.

I am a female-exclusive bisexual. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable with the FEBFEM label though. I just want to call myself bi & leave it at that. I'm a feminist separatist but still proud of being bisexual. I like that it exists because it makes it easier to connect with other bi women like me. But I also feel conflicted about it, like it's becoming yet another unnecessary micro-label.

I don't even know what to say about "bi lesbians," god what a joke! I think some of them are bi women who would still happily date men (even if the men don't identify as men) or self-hating lesbians that date "cis" women and female nonbinary-identified women. It's so incredibly stupid.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel you on the stag/doe. Some people change it to buck/stag/doe and replace the tomcat to = stag. But lol it seems meaningless, and I agree it's stilly with being named after animals.

I don't really know the history behind butch/femme but I've referred to myself as a "butch" because that's an easy word for others to understand...if not butch, I would just say masculine...style? Not sure lol. I'm a bit more inbetween nowadays(androgynous).

Maybe we don't even need terms equivalent like "butch" and "femme". It might be best to just say masculine/androgynous/feminine since those are pre-existing words that don't need a lot of explanation(in case someone has NO friggin clue what "butch" and "femme" mean, most straight people probably don't know...).

Also, can I just say how I hate the terms "top, verse, bottom"? It just seems silly with this retarded "top-energy/bottom-energy" crap. Some gals try to make it a personality trait when all it is is bedroom talk and not necessary for others to know about.

Also, I'm not the biggest fan of the term "tomboy" either..."{...} because it implies that a girl (or woman, for that matter) who does not conform to girl-coded cultural stereotypes is not only not really a girl, but somehow a kind of a boy. It tells girls (and boys, and women, and men) that there is a right way of being a girl, and a wrong way of being a girl, and if you’re the ‘wrong’ kind of girl, then actually you’re more of a boy. That’s messed up, when you think about it."

I used to get called a "tomboy" as a code word for "lesbian" or "weird" and get bullied for it too...

I am a female-exclusive bisexual. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable with the FEBFEM label though. I just want to call myself bi & leave it at that. I'm a feminist separatist but still proud of being bisexual. I like that it exists because it makes it easier to connect with other bi women like me. But I also feel conflicted about it, like it's becoming yet another unnecessary micro-label.

I see what you mean. It gets to the point that TOO many labels become pointless/unnecessary. It reminds me of the term "asexual" and how it keeps dwindling to "demisexual" to "biromantic" and etc etc. When they could just shut up and leave it at "asexual" but I even feel a bit conflicted about that term---I tried to label myself as a one in my teen years at one point lol. I think it should be used for those who are legitamently NOT attracted to ANYONE. If they go by "homo/hetero/biromantic" sub category they might as well say they are a voluntary homo/hetero/bisexual celibate...

My guess on the silly "bi lesbian" and "bi gay" thing is that they are using it the same as "female exclusive/male exclusive bisexual" but did a terrible job at picking a new term to describe what they want to say...or they're just full of shit and to be special with their terminology.

or self-hating lesbians that date "cis" women and female nonbinary-identified women. It's so incredibly stupid.

Yeah, I have NO idea what the hell is the point of the term "non-binary". If anything, instead of them trying to be sexless, they could've turnt it into a cooler way of saying "gender non-conforming". But nope, non-binary is being sexless or whatever genderspecial they claim to be.

However, overall, I think labels can be useful in terms of finding a community of like-minded individuals but(ex. Saying "I'm bisexual" instead of "I'm attracted to both sexes")...some terms are highly unnecessary like the ones we discussed lol. Just plain and simply terrible.

[–]diapason 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've never heard of those. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

FEBFem and MEB make sense though

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think that's a good thing.ꉂ (๑¯ਊ¯)σ л̵ʱªʱªʱª

The less people use/know about some of these dumb terms, the better!

[–]ac-dc 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Unpopular opinion, apparently, but I really like stag/doe. I don't feel like butch/femme are really terms I can relate to or really use to describe myself, and I like to have things for bisexuals, because, well, I AM one. I'm not a moron and I wouldn't force them on anyone else, but I think "doe" is cute and use it for myself (...not that's there's anywhere for me to really use it). I don't see them as any more "comparing our attraction to animals" as I do when gay men use the term "bear". I think that the tomcat term is there to differentiate it all from butch/femme, but buck also fits more with the theme, so, who knows.

FEBfem and MEB are both cool terms that make sense, no criticism or defenses from me.

"Bi-lesbian" is a quick and free way to communicate that you have a negative amount of braincells

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey, ain't nothing wrong with going against the grain! :)

I found out that butch/femme are lesbian exclusive words recent-ish. So...I won't be using those terms anymore(I used to refer to myself as a "butch" lady). I prefer to use just plainly masculine, feminine, and androgynous.

I have used gender non-conforming to describe myself, but I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, the TQ+ use that term too and it sounds like a buzzword but on the otherhand, I have heard other gender critical people use it too...

You do have a point when you mention that gay men use terms like "bear" and "otter" to describe certain men in the gay community. I guess the nice thing about Buck, Stag/Tomcat, and Doe is that we (bisexuals) will be able to have our own thing that doesn't have to shared with the LG community and we don't haven to steal their terminology either.

I just don't find myself (personally) using terms like buck, stag, doe or tomcat.

I'm not a moron and I wouldn't force them on anyone else, but I think "doe" is cute and use it for myself (...not that's there's anywhere for me to really use it).

If you like the term though, then hey! Maybe you can make it a thing! If you use it more, maybe others will do the same! I'm hoping this sub(s/bisexuals) will be more active and the only way to really get it to be active really is to keep posting and having these kinds of conversations.

We could suggest those terminologies as flairs too to the mods or post topics surrounds those terms and it would make it become more popular terms to use.

Hahaha yeah bi lesbian is a ridiculous term that shouldn't exist.