The knowledge of my contribution to my father's death, plus the sweet gubby dime (free food) has caused me to eat myself into morbid obesity and stop shaving my beard or cutting my hair or showering. Does anyone have any tips for me? The bitches don't really like it for some reason. Only the fat ugly ones and I deserve better.

Here is my diet for reference:

Breakfast: 4 boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese, eaten in bed with a plastic spork I found behind my fridge

Second breakfast: 1/2 dozen assorted Mr. Yo's Donuts, my favorites are the cream filled for obvious reasons

Snack: 1 litre of Mountain Dew and 3 family-sized bags of Doritos, this is great in cereal form

Lunch: 30 double meat tacos from Taco John's

Snack: 1 box of Twinkies and a bag of milk

Dinner: 1 litre of A&W root beer and a 10 pc family treat chicken meal from the A&W + KFC combination store

Supper: 8 Whoppers from Burger King and a small mozzarella sticks

Midnight snack: whatever I can find in the mountain of trash I live in