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[–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

This is a huge part of why internet relationships are a horrible idea

Things might be kind of a trainwreck now, but it hasn't been all bad.

this distress is pouring out in kind of passive-aggressive ways into the rest of the forum.

Socks claims this is the most comments a Saidit post has ever gotten. I'm not so sure y'all are right about this being a bad idea. I am seeing no negative outcomes, only positive. Except maybe my ire at some people's behavior. All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet.

as it seems to be causing him emotional distress

That it is, and it's hard for me to deal with. But everyone gets an entertaining post from it, I get good advice, Mel sees maybe my position is not as ridiculous as she initially dismissed it as. She's getting less shy too, that seems positive. And maybe, just maybe, we can save her from drinking herself to death.

What's a little bullshit and noise compared to that?

I appreciate the advice, I mean to come off as I disagree necessarily.

And if I had been incredibly specific with someone about ((not)) sharing any details ((at all)) about me with another party and they went head and did it anyway, I'd be cheesed off, especially if there was supposed to be some kind of trust involved. It seems one party is taking this friendship way more seriously than the other party, and this may be a sign that the friendship is not healthy for either person.

You nailed it.

[–]tiny-brown-mug 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hey, Musky. I'm seeing overall, the results of this have been negative. People are piling on you, you're getting your feelings hurt, and it seems like you're putting too much emotional importance on this friendship with Mel. I'm not even sure how it's a friendship if you feel betrayed, de-valued, and not listened to.

I'm gonna be honest; if I met a woman who was married, and she said that she needed e-friendships with guys because she "just connected with men better", I'd call nonsense. She needs to connect with her husband and get off of these e-friendships before they spiral into something painful like an emotional affair, heartbreak, or a serious misunderstanding. Seems like that could be what's brewing here.

Mel either is not seeing this relationship through the same lenses that you are, or perhaps you're a little too into her. Or both. Either way. I don't see how this unfolding issue has been emotionally helpful for you. I'd end it.

[–]Musky[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Huh. This seems like a warm friendly Saidit hug to me, it's such an outpouring of love and support, and it validates a number of my issues. I feel as if maybe perhaps resolution has not been achieved right now, it will be soon, and everything will be just as it should no matter the outcome. I am loathe to try and force it. It would be like trying to improve on an ant hill. We would only be capable of crude movements and ruin an intricate design we do not fully comprehend.

I'm gonna be honest; if I met a woman who was married, and she said that she needed e-friendships with guys because she "just connected with men better", I'd call nonsense

I wouldn't blame you. I don't think this is that exactly. There are some factors fairly unique to this particular situation.

[–]tiny-brown-mug 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're welcome, Musky. You're a good, decent guy and you deserve better than to invest 100% of your limited emotional energy into a relationship that isn't going anywhere, and is causing you stress and disappointment. I hope you find the resolution you're looking for, and can take care of yourself, mental health wise and otherwise. The smartest moves I've ever made over the course of my life have been to emotionally or physically walk away from dynamics that were just a source of pain, confusion, unrequited something, or loneliness. A relationship that leaves you feeling lonely or in doubt isn't healthy.

You have hobbies, talents, interests, and a cool fire pit in your backyard (hand picture). Focus on the stuff that's real, helpful, and restorative. thumbs up